Am I wrong?

[RunToMe]

I am one of the most sarcastic girls you could ever meet. I know how to take a joke, and I know how to joke around. But, there are few things that I DO NOT want anyone to poke fun at. My weight being one of them. This morning I said something to my boyfriend about being blazing hot last night and asked if he had been also. He told me that he was actually freezing all night. When I said it was odd, he looked at me and said "well, you've got alot more insulation than I do". I didnt quite think it was funny and expressed that it hurt my feelings. How? I told him "Not funny. You know how sensitive I am about my weight" and he said again that he was joking. I didnt say anything else, cause in my head it was over.

 

But the whole morning went down the drain. I went to iron my clothes and he had made some snotty comment about how its okay for me to poke fun at myself about my weight, but he cant do it. And I said thats right, I could make fun of myself. He then replied with "one of these days...." and when I asked what that was supposed to mean, he said "one of these days I'm gonna find your replacement!". I shut up then, thinking that if I didnt have anything nice to say, I shouldnt say anything at all. Yes, I was mad. And hurt. He kept on about it and picked at me and picked at me to get me to say something back. When I never did, he told me not to come home from work and that he's sick of me and wants me out of his life.

 

Before I left for work, I didnt give him a hug or tell him that I loved him. I was still upset at the things he had said. So as he got into his car he yelled "Thanks for the hug. Dont bother coming home!!!" and that was it.

 

Did I handle this wrong? Am I wrong for getting my feelings hurt for what he said to me? I dont want us to go the whole day being pissed at each other. I'm basically over it. Should I apologize? What do I do?

[RayKay]

No you should not apologize to him! The fact you are even considering it makes me question your self esteem and emotional health at the expense of this relationship.

 

Why should you feel bad or apologize for being HURT that he was cruel to you, not only about your weight, but he also basically threatened to leave you or rather "replace you" and threatened the end of the relationship.

 

Have we not discussed in previous threads you should leave this guy as he is emotionally and verbally abusive?

 

Honey, this is NOT healthy. He does not love you if he picks on you, threatens to leave you, tells you not to bother coming home. That is NOT a stable, balanced, emotionally fulfilling relationship. The ones we love should make us feel safe, secure, warm....not hurt us or leave us in the cold!

 

When I never did, he told me not to come home from work and that he's sick of me and wants me out of his life.

 

He is trying to control you. When you don't play his immature games, he berates you and threatens you as a way to win that control. Seriously what kind of love is it when your loved one tells you "they are sick of you and want you out of their life". I can honestly never even DREAM of telling my partner that, no matter how upset I was! That is RIDICULOUS.

 

Your boyfriend is scum. He's a control freak, emotionally and verbally abusive, disrespectful and a jerk. And you are the one whom wants to apologize? This is a sign you ARE in an abusive relationship.

 

Get out of there. We discussed this before, but you REALLY need to get out of there.

[RunToMe]

Yes, I at one point was ready to leave. And this spurred him to make a change in himself. He said that I had shown him what he needed to be, and he didnt want to disappoint me anymore. He has gotten better, I will say. This is the first outburst he's had since the last time I posted. He made a dr. appt for this wednesday to see about getting on medication. IF it doesnt work, I will be gone. But I love him and dont want to give up on him...

[RayKay]

Yes, I at one point was ready to leave. And this spurred him to make a change in himself. He said that I had shown him what he needed to be, and he didnt want to disappoint me anymore. He has gotten better, I will say. This is the first outburst he's had since the last time I posted. He made a dr. appt for this wednesday to see about getting on medication. IF it doesnt work, I will be gone. But I love him and dont want to give up on him...

 

But that was what other posters had warned about...it's part of the cycle. No one changes overnight without actually working on it - through counselling for example. It is going to take MORE then medication to fix this issue.

 

I fear that you are already so trapped in the cycle you don't even see it that way anymore. The fact you want to apologize for YOUR feelings be hurt after he was cruel and threatening is a BIG indication that you are abused.

 

I really think YOU should be going for counselling yourself sweetie.

[lunatic]

Just because you are not a model does not mean you should settle for this treatment. This man treats you like a piece of dirt and has you coming home to appologise for it. You have every right to be upset about him poking fun at your weight. I mean that is a HUGE no no for a man to make fun or any comment about a womans weight. I would never ever talk to my g/f like that even jokingly.

 

He should never make fun of you in that way not even in jest. I think you should go stay with friends or family after work like he said and let him see what it is like without you there. Personally, hun I would kick this one to the curb. If he does not enhance the person you are then there is no need to be with him. In other words if he does not make you happy then go find another person who will treat you right.

[BellaDonna]

He then replied with "one of these days...." and when I asked what that was supposed to mean, he said "one of these days I'm gonna find your replacement!".

 

I think it's time for you to find a replacement for HIM. I agree with the others- this relationship is not healthy for you at all.

 

Not only did he insult you with the initial weight comment about "extra insulation"- but even after you told him it hurt you- instead of aplogizing to you- he continued to make even MORE HURTFUL COMMENTS.

 

So although he said he was "joking" the first time- the other clearly INTENTIONAL comments were said with the sole purpose of hurting and insulting you.

 

 

BellaDonna

[lgirl]

"one of these days I'm gonna find your replacement!"

hate to say it, but it sounds like the beginning of the end. ALWAYS pay attention to half-remarks, 'throwaway' comments like that; people reveal their true intentions that way. he's getting ready to leave you by the sounds of things. making passive-aggressive comments like that is a CLEAR SIGN the romance has gone. he knows it would hurt you, so he hurt you. if he was at vall in loove with you, he'd NEVER say something like that. the love (and sensitivity) has definitely gone from where he's standing. get yourself someone else

[nikki blu]

The last guy I was involved with had issues...on and off meds.

It's natural to make excuses for his behavior based on that because you care, but there comes a time when to have to care more about yourself.

Sometimes it's easier said than done for many, myself included.

[Itsok]

Honestly, you know this guy isn't worth your time or effort. I remember your posts in the abuse forums. He isn't going to change, and this is the start of another 'mean sweet' cycle.

 

I'm not telling you this to hurt you, I'm telling you this so maybe you will keep an eye on what is happening to you. Realize that he is who he is, and he won't change.

 

My prediction for your future: he will take meds for all of a week or two, stop taking them, and then be worse than before.

[Vanilla]

wow. what a jerk! what a JERK!!!

 

don't you see? he knows you'll take it, so why not throw it in your face. That is so disrespectful its not even funny.

 

WHo says things like that? I mean, who in the RIGHT MIND says anything remotely close to that? It's sick!

 

He is just mean and inconsiderate of your feelings- and like Raykay said, the mere fact that you considered apologozing and put up with it makes me wonder about your self esteem too!

 

He is a creep and he sounds SO manipulative.