So he still loves me...SEX?

[LonelyGirl]

Ok, back for more help...I recently wrote about how my bf had dated another girl behind my back and all my insecurities regarding this. He says he loves me and we live together and all that. However, we don't have sex. We average maybe once a month and that's about it if I'm lucky. He has no problem with pleasuring himself but when it comes to me he makes no advances. When I've said I still want sex he says he still gets horny too. But yet we don't actually do it. How do I approach him on this subject and get anywhere? We're been together for over 4 years and we're 28 and 29 years old. We're not ancient but I feel (in terms of our physical relationship) that we're acting like we're 80! I want to have sex still but he never makes any moves. When I bring it up to him it's no big deal. Most guys I've known would be complaining about the lack of sex. What's the deal!? How do I handle this????

[CHERBEAR22]

I WENT THROUGHT THAT TOO FOR A LONG LONG TIME. IT GOT TO SO BAD THAT I ENDED UP SLEEPING WITH ANOTHER GUY THAT SHOWED ME THE ATTENTION I DESERVED I KNOW IT WAS WRONG BUT I WAS SO DESPERATE.........YOU DON'T UNDESTAND I ALWAYS THOUGHT A GIRL WAS SUPPOSED TO LOSE THEIR SEX DRIVE FIRST BUT NOT IN THIS CASE.

[babycristy456]

hey, since he has cheated with another girl before, maybe he's getting his sex somewhere else so he doesn't need it when he comes back home to you. The reason I am assuming this is because he is only 29 which sounds a bit abnormal for him not to have sexual urges at this age.

Just saying what i think...Good Luck

[faeriechyld]

I have to agree with babycristy. It is possible that he is getting sex somewhere else. This is odd for a guy so young to not have a higher sexual drive. Either that or perhaps there is something deeper to his lack of interest. Also, that seems quite unfair to me that he pleasures himself but not you. Maybe he needs to figure out what he really wants.

[LonelyGirl]

Actually I've asked him about it and he says he knows we don't do it enough. I asked him what should I do or what could we do about it and he says he didn't know. He says I'll just have to wait for action. Because actions speak louder than words. However, there's always an excuse like "oh when I get my new job things will change" or "After we move it'll be different"...This keeps happening...Nothing changes.

[Dreamer1]

I just wanted to comment. Because I am actually having this problem in my life right now. I have no idea what to do. My boyfriend does not have a high sex drive at all. Ive done everything I can htink of, bought cute panties, sex toys, been more aggressive. But he always makes up some excuse, like he has to get up early in the morning etc. Our relationship is going great, except this part. I know he loves me and I love him so I dont understand why he doesnt want to get intimate. I mean, we have sex maybe once every other week. But there is not way I could try to get with him unless its right before bed. I am 21 and he is 22, I feel like this is what would happen if we were married for 20 years. But I want our sex life to be fun and spontaneous. I dont feel wanted or needed and that really hurts. What do you think is wrong? Is something wrong with him? Its a very sensitive issue because I dont want to hurt him and blame him for this. But I've done everything I can. What do I do. He thinks this is normal.OH and he has trouble keeping an erection problaby half the time we have sex. It just goes away, he says its not my fault. But then what is it? And doesnt he want to fix it so we can be close.

 

 

????? anyone?

[JB96EX]

I dont feel wanted or needed and that really hurts. What do you think is wrong? Is something wrong with him? Its a very sensitive issue because I dont want to hurt him and blame him for this. But I've done everything I can. What do I do.

 

I know the feeling of being neglected and unwanted. I'm dealing with that right now. Feeling helpless and unattractive to your honey is frustrating and depressing. You're probably totally hot, and I'd want you if I laid eyes on you. But you said he had trouble keeping his mighty soldier at attention?

 

There's the problem I would be willing to bet. Performance anxiety. And at 22!! Sheesh! I really feel for the guy. That has got to SUCK! He probably feels like the whole world is laughing at him, or worse... I had the same problem a while ago too . I'm 33. Guess what, I bought some Viagra! That stuiff is pricey! But I tried it a couple of times. That's CRAZY StUFF!! Besides the nasal congestion, there was only one other problem, I almost started to get anxious about performing without it! So be careful.

 

I know it took alot of patience and attention from my f*%kbuddy, It helped that she liked to role play and enact fantasies -my thing I guess- but we worked through it. And the captain was back in command in no time!

 

I would suggest talking to a therapist as a LAST resort, -more of my baggage I guess- but it may come to that. Try something totally different, I mean off the wall,(or up AGAINST the wall) like something you wouldn't imagine he'd be into(more of my stuff) change it up, different sensations do wonders for Mr. Johnson.

 

One of MY problems is certain positions. Like woman-on-top for example. If it's only that grindy motion you ladies seem to prefer, it wont keep me going for long. Try bouncing a little!