Is he interested?

[sunshine2627]

Okay, I need some help here. I met this guy on New Years Eve at a party. Neither one of us really noticed one another until he kissed me on the cheek and gave me a hug at midnight. Mutual friends were trying to play match maker. They were doing the he said she said stuff. My friend and I were getting ready to leave and decided to invite him to go with us. He turned us down for all good reasons. As we were getting ready to leave of course I got the third degree from my friend. She told me that I messed up and she couldn't believe I didn't do anything. At this point I didn't know what to do. Well as we were getting ready to leave, here comes this guy walking out. I thought to myself here is my second chance. We called him over to my car and we finally convinced him to come out with us. He made a comment to me that I was giving him looks with my eyes. You know how we can talk with our eyes and not say a word. I guess that is what I was doing. Anyway, on our way to our destination I noticed he was looking at me in my rear view mirror. He started asking me questions and being kind of flirty. As the night went on we continued to talk for most of the night. He was very complimentary towards me and very respectful. We were talking and out of the blue he said "I don't know why I am telling you all of this. I guess I just want to get it all out in the open." At the end of the night he walks me out to my car and asks if he could kiss me and if we were going to exchange numbers. He wrote down his number and then wrote down mine. He even wanted to make sure he spelled my name correctly. To me this guys sounds interested but then I start to over analyze things. I know this doesn't apply to all guys. When a guy isn't interested he isn't going to give a girl his number, right? More than likely he'll ask for her's with the intentions of never calling? I'm replaying some of his actions towards me and I think if he wasn't interested he wouldn't have done or said some of the things that he did. And I know it wasn't to get me to sleep with him. Like I said he was very respectful. We haven't talked yet but only b/c he has been in Florida this week. I didn't feel that it would be right to call him and I didn't expect him to call me either. He just got back sometime today I think or it might be early tomorrow morning. My friends tell me to wait until Sunday to call him if I haven't heard from him yet. I guess what is also in the back of my head is what if he already forgot about me? I know I am just rambling on and on but this guy I feel is a great catch. I would really like to get to know him and see where it could possibly go.

[DN]

I doubt he has forgotten about you. And there is no reason you should not call him.

[here2understand2]

agree with DN here, no reason for him to forget to call you..so i say you wait till tuesday maybe wednesday to see if he does and then if he doesnt then call him up!..for all you know he might've misplaced the number or something(most of the times its that trivial!!)..so I'd say just call up and say 'hi'!..take care..he does look quite a bit into you so play along!

[sunshine2627]

Thank you for your responses. Sorry it's taken me a few days to respond back. I was having some trouble logging in. This is really long so please bare with me. I ended up calling him Saturday. One of my friends and her husband were having people over so we thought this would be the perfect opportunity to call him. Unfortunetly though he already had plans but I kind of already expected him to considering I called him around 8:00. He said he was surprised to hear from me and that it was nice to hear my voice. He made a comment about him being out with several girls around lined up waiting to have sex him. I said thanks for sharing that information with me. Then he told me he was joking and that I should know him better than that. I told him that I didn't know him all that well. Then he said well from our conversation from last weekend you should know me better than that. I told him I did and that I was very impressed with him. Anyway, he asked if he could have a raincheck and that he'll talk to me tomorrow (Sunday). So later on in the night I sent him a text letting him know that I was thinking about him. I said just wanted to say hi. Hope you're having a good night. He replied back saying so-so, and u. I told him I was getting ready to leave thinking maybe he'll call and want to meet up for a little bit. An hour went by and I didn't hear from him so I started to head home. Well my phone rings and it was him. He was on his way to pick up some medicine and asked if I wanted to meet him somewhere so we could talk. So we met where he was at and talked for a bit and then he asked if he could come over. Obviously neither one of us wanted to leave one another so I said sure. He felt bad b/c he invited himself over but I didn't care. He said he didn't want me to think he was that type of guy. Which I never did. So we get back to my place and we're talking and he asked me if I thought about him while he was in FL. I said maybe, did you think about me. He said maybe. I told him I did and that I am happy he's back. I told him that seeing him last night and this morning didn't count for the raincheck. When he was getting ready to leave he said I don't know what you have going on today but I will give you a call later. Oh yeah he also told me he felt comfortable around me. When I mentioned something last night about doing something today he said okay I have to tell you this. I'm thinking great he doesn't want to date seriously or something along the lines of that. He said I don't have a lot of money right now. I told him I didn't care and I don't have to be taken out to dinner or to a movie or whatever. I am perfectly content staying in watching movies, doing whatever. I know now that he is interested but I also feel that he is going to be a little standoffish and guarded which is understandable. I'm sure he doesn't want to go down the same path as he did with his ex-wife. We both have been out of the dating scene for awhile now. I told him it's a risk that we both are willing to take. He's fabulous!! Sorry for rambling on and on and probably going back and forth with conversations that happened throughout the night.

So what do you make of this? This is what happened last night. He didn't call me although he did send me a text. He did tell me he would call me though. I guess I should quit complaining and be glad he sent me text instead of nothing. He said not doing much tonight. Starting to move tomorrow. (He's moving into an apartment) Thanks again for letting me stay. C-ya. Does this sound like he blew me off or short and too the point? I guess if he was blowing me off he didn't have to text me at all. I guess the thing that bothers me is the c-ya part. Why not say talk to ya later? Then I come up with because it was short and quick. If he's moving into an apartment tomorrow then I guess he's got a lot of packing to do and not really want to spend time on the phone. I replied back to his text but didn't hear back from him. So then I feel he did blow me off? I stress so much when it comes to this sort of stuff. Suggestions? Should I wait for him to call me?

I apolgoize again for such a long post and for rambling on and on.

[here2understand2]

nah, I didnt think he was blowing you off, moving and unpacking can be pretty stressful and time consuming with a zillion things on ones mind, about the 'cya' part i think you are overanalyzing this stuff..I can see that you're smitten by him and thats part of the reason for the long post(not that I am complaining ) but I guess you must realize that...to keep a man (and a worthy man) interested in you, one has to make sure that you and you're life are fulfilling and interesting. ..that when you talk on the phone then you've something to talk about rather than creating conversation. I'd also suggest that you talk less on the phone and more in person..you get closer much faster and dont lose that interest and also there're chances of stuff happening if its done face to face rather than over the phone..u kno what i mean? So try and focus your energies on other stuff, give the man the pleasure of the chase..which is one of the things that not many women know how to deal with..for me..if a girl gives in too easily then I dont feel all that attracted to her but if she keeps spinning me around for a while then I go nuts for her..so good luck with all this and I hope I make sense!

[sunshine2627]

I understand what you are saying. Believe me I have a hard enough time trying to start up a conversation. I tend to shy away. Anyway, the only time we have talked on the phone was last Saturday. I called to invite to a mutual friends house. I knew he probably had other plans but thought I would ask anyway. So we have done most of our talking face to face. I am trying to focus on others things such as volleyball, juggling two jobs and trying to have a social life to go with it. Everything you said made sense and I am trying my hardest to approach him differently. I thought that I was doing pretty good. I also understand what comes with moving. It can be stressful and very time consuming. I was thinking about this today. Most leasing offices in Evansville, IN are not open on Sunday. There are only a few. He never told me he found an apartment. He just talked about looking around for one. Even if he did find one there is paperwork that needs to be processed and an apartment has to be available. I do not think there are many apartments that are in move-in condition the day of or even that week. I could be wrong though. You are absolutely right though I am a smitten kitten. It is too easy for me to put my feelings out there. I am by no means saying that I am laying it out on the line with every guy I meet. Just saying that I guess I get attached or fall to quickly especially when I think they are a pretty decent guy. Lets just say he is not interested why would he say what he said? Just to get me to sleep with him? He never persued it! If I can help it I will not call him tonight. You are probably thinking oh my god this girl is crazy but really I am not. I am so confused my head is spinning. I get opinions and everyone obviously says something different. Most are saying the same thing you are but then there are others who say negative.

[sunshine2627]

Well I ended up calling Scott Wednesday night. I had a feeling that he would not answer so I left him a message. My friend Christy called me tonight and she told me that they spoke last night. He apologized to her for not calling me. He told her that he was going to call me b/c he doesn't want to come off as being a * * * * *. He said he felt like we could be friends instead or whatever. Well I think he's going to say that b/c of this girl that he is interested in. Am I wrong? Christy told him that he needs to be telling me this and not her which she is right. She also told me he had this blank look on his face. She questioned and he pointed to a girl behind him. He explained that they have been trying to date off and on for a year now. Okay, my question is if it didn't happen before what makes him think it's going to happen now? Anyway she proceeds to tell me that he isn't completely over his ex-wife which is understandable. She also told me that some other friends told her that him and this girl have never slept together. They go out, get drunk and he passes out. I don't necessarily want to give up. Does that make me look crazy?

[smittenkitten]

They go out, get drunk and he passes out. I don't necessarily want to give up. Does that make me look crazy?

 

Eeeesh!!! Yikes!

 

Sorry to say this, but this guy doesn't sound like he's a very good prospect, not at all! He's ambivalent at best, he's an alcoholic at worst!

 

Have you heard from him yet? The fact that he told your friend, not you, is not a good sign. I see that you're 26... I'm assuming he's in the same age range. Using your friend to pass on the message is... well... so HIGH SCHOOL!!! (My apologies to you younger members who have more integrity than this!)

 

Wowser. Nope, I don't like it. He's been dating a girl on and off for a year but he kinda sorta forgot to mention that fact to you? And he pursued you on New Year's Eve (kind of), then less than 2 weeks later decides he wants to try to make things work with this other girl? It's not like he just met her... I think a year of dating her would be enough time for him to sort out his feelings for her! Sounds like he's a classic commitment-phobe (I know, some of you don't believe those exist)... he's always going to be thinking the grass is greener elsewhere.

 

Put it this way. Say you don't give up. Say he "decides" he'd like to date you. How would you feel if he strung you along for a year, never really committing to you, keeping an eye out for other women he might prefer over you?

 

That's what he's doing to her. Chances are, that's what he'll do to you!

 

Oh my gosh. Please try to stop analyzing why he's doing what he's doing. (I know, easy for me to say!) Just take a good hard look at his behavior, then lace up your tennis shoes and RUN baby, RUN!!!

 

You deserve much better!!!

[sunshine2627]

Thanks, Smittenkitten for your respose. No, I have not heard from him in a couple weeks, well I guess it was the last time we actually saw each other. I take that back. I did end up text messaging him last weekend and turned ugly real quick. Not only did I make a fool out of myself but I got to hear about it the next day from my friends. They were very disappointed in me. You are absolutely right. He is not a very good prospect and I am moving on. Yes, I am 26 and he is 29. From conversations we had it sounded like he had his head on straight and seemed like nice guy. Obviously I was wrong. I also found out that the girl who was also trying to help set us up also knew he was kind of dating this other girl. Guess it slipped her mind. You are not the first person to tell me to stop over analyzing. I know I deserve much better. I just feel like I have been single forever and it gets frustrating after awhile. Most of my friends are either married or dating someone seriously and I get tired of being the third wheel. I know he is out there somewhere. I just wish he was not being so difficult to find. Thanks for your advice and your time. I appreciate it! Have a good night.

[smittenkitten]

You are not the first person to tell me to stop over analyzing.

 

Oh, trust me, I'm the queen of overanalyzing! That's why I said, "I know it's easy for me to say"- of course it's MUCH harder to do!

 

I'm glad you're moving on. Don't sweat the ugly text- he no longer exists. If he was the right man for you, you couldn't do anything wrong to screw things up, and if he was the wrong man for you (YUP!), you couldn't do anything right to make it work.

 

So don't beat yourself up about it.

 

I know it's hard to find a good one. Believe me, I know! (I think we all do!) But I think that every time you use your discernment to weed out inappropriate men, you're one step closer to meeting the right man for you. If you wasted all your time dating men who aren't right for you, on the theory that something is better than nothing (it's NOT!), you'd actually be preventing yourself from meeting the man you're meant to be with.

 

Hold out for what you deserve, and in the meantime, try to be as happy and fulfilled without a man as you think you'd be with one. When your man comes along, he should enhance your happiness, not create it.

 

You're doing good!