Spending New Years Together

[StephenP59]

Hi I'm sure lots of people are going through this just wondered what ppls opinions are. My g/f and I are on a break but she suggested spending new years together with her university friends. I'm slight uncomfortable with this as Xmas turned out to be awkward as I am constantly thinking that we will get back together. Space away from the situation has eased things as much as possible. I would love to spend my new years with her but I don't think her uni friends even know who I am which is really hurtful and I'm not sure I could do that. Is it better for both parties to be away from each other at this time of year? We are having minimal contact to avoid arguments etc and this seems to work except when I know I may have to see her. All in all I am dreading the new year as I always used to spend it with her and our families.

[Danny H]

stephen, I can relate to what you are saying 100%.

My wife and I split up 7th Nov after being together 17.5 years.

 

we have tickets to a new years eve bash at the local pub

I said today I should cancel them and maybe she could use the credit for future drinks, but she said " I might want to go, stop making decisions for me"- we had talked about it days ago but she seems to have forgotten)

 

anyway

 

All the local guys down there know we have split and the drunks hit on her , being crude ( sympathetic bast#rds- lol)

Now I know it is up to her to deal with it, and she does, but even so, it still hits you in the stomach, that feeling ( that we really are not a couple anymore,that it is not my business)

 

I don't drink anymore, so I now contemplate the idea of spending the night with my ex-wife, while everybody ( including her ) have a great new years eve, while I probably sit there hating it all

 

- oh f#ck it I ain't going.

 

I suggest if you are not a couple, and you still love her, best to avoid it.

 

What do you if she hooks up with somebody allnight? what do you do if they really get snogging at midnight?

 

What do you do if you drink to much and want to declare undying love?

 

Only if you are superstrong, or really are over them it seems like an awful lot of trouble for one night.

 

Dan

[RayKay]

It's not a very good idea, more so because of the environment of New Years itself. I imagine there will be drinking, and a lowering of inhibitions, which could lead to all sorts of things on either side.

 

If you are constantly thinking you are going to get back together, and it's awkward, some New Year's drinking and celebrating will not help the situation very much!

 

Why did you "break"? Is there a "finality" to this break? How are you two working on coming back together? If there is no plan, I would suggest you try moving on and limiting contact - treating it as a break up in a way. Whatever happens it will be better for you in the long run as you will be ina stronger place.

[StephenP59]

Hi thanks for replying

 

Its a break with a view of getting back together (or so she says) I'm not too sure how long this will be she has lots of work + other things on shes not looking for anyone else and still sees a future for us. THe space is doing some good but whenever I see her I seem to slip back I still have some problems with how she is dealing with things (time for her new friends not for me etc) that I think only time and space will help me resolve some things.

[Blue Skittles]

Yea I don't think u should spend new years with her. first of all, like you said, you need time away from her to sort out your feelings. second of all, chances are greater that u get back together if you keep your distance, know what i mean? New years comes along, and she'll probably be missing you since you are not there... and you get what i'm sayin. but thats just my take on the whole situation.

[Insite]

I definitely don't think you should spend New Years with her. It could end up worsening the situation. As for her having the view of getting back together I urge you to stay strong. Put up a strong front because right now she knows you will be there if she "decides" she wants to get back together. Don't let her do this to you. My ex tried the EXACT same thing on me. I called her on it and told her "NO - it isn't just your decision!"

 

Believe me - I know it's hard and I wish nothing but the best for you.

 

Go out with your friends on New Years and have fun. Try to put her out of your mind and do your own thing.

 

Once she sees you are doing your own thing and getting on with everything it is likely she will panic and have a wake up call. If she doesent, then it wasn't meant to be my friend and you are better off.

[Danny H]

Oh god 4 hours to go here and my xwife has asked me to go with her for a drink, and then leave before midnight if I feel uncomfitable!!!!!

 

My head said says let her go on her own ( actions speak louder than words and if she wants to spend midnight more with pub " friends" than her family, I guess that says all I'll ever need to know.

 

 

Should I be the gentleman and take her for an hour or so to settle her in and then leave to come home.

 

Or should I say f#ck off you got rid of me, I am not here at your beck and call??

 

best

Dan

[Danny H]

Ok I told her in the nicest possible terms why I couldn't go with her, and got

Bombarded with abuse.

 

She then said she couldn't go on her own, so I said " ok we have paid £30

I'll go then".

 

Boy she went ballistic, she just doesn't seem to understand that I was saying that as the dumpee I couldn't bare to be there with all those couples etc, and us together but not together.

 

Anyway now she has phoned someone and buggered off with them to god knows where, and as she left she shouted at me that I dumped myself and should be able to take her to the do as a "friend" jesus we were together for 17.5 years we have 4 kids and we broke up 8 weeks ago over her internet fling ( still going on)-

 

you've got to remember that she is going out for 4 nights in a row in 4 days to celebrate her birthday, she was out last night as well, so it is not as though tonight has to be done.

 

In a moment of clarity I suddenly saw that the caring/sharing person I once thought I knew is just a mirage.

 

In it's place is a twisted, cruel , self centered person.

 

We would never have hooked up if I met her now, I'm hanging onto the person I knew long ago, I have to accept that person is no more.

 

I like to tell myself I left her in Thailand after the tsunami and that she is out there somewhere, because I don't recognise the person here .

 

 

Oh well

 

here I am on my own, thinking of the 17 other new years eves that we were happy- or were we!!!!

 

 

Love to you all

 

dan

[onmyownagain]

Sorry Dan, it must be so tough for you. You need to get out of that house as soon as you can.