my boyfriend, my mum and and my future.

[emilyemily]

hey all, i really have a dilema about my boyfriend....

ive been dating him for 9 months and im in love with him, the thing is he comes from what my mum considers a "poor background". dont get me or my mum wrong - we arent snobs, its just my mum is worried about my future. he currently has no job,still at home with mum, and somehow seems stuck in a rut. im guessing my mum just wants the best for me and my future and suggests i break it up and be kinda selfish as she thinks its not getting anywhere. howver i love him and hes goin through a tough time at home and doesnt like the look of his future either. so i dnt want to leave him with no gf either. howver he does seem to drag me down somtimes and i get fed up with it. im still young and maybe naive about love... but what shall i do?? stay with him or look after my future??

[RayKay]

How old is he?

 

Does he appear to be making an effort to correct the problems in his life?

 

I think maybe your mum is not as concerned about him not having a job persay (as it happens at times to everyone) but that he appears to not be motivated to change it. There are some people whom seem to say when bad things happen "oh well, I guess the world is against me again!", and then others whom say "well this sucks, I better change it!". If your boyfriend is in the former it is more of a concern then the latter...because lots of things happen in life, so this could be an indicator of future things to come.

 

I think you need to look at how you feel in this relationship, what is the cost? Is the cost to it to you, emotionally or whatever, worth the return? If yes, if he makes you feel great, and also does seem to be putting effort in, then maybe you need to give it more time, and tell your mum he is a good guy and trying. If not, perhaps she is just trying to watch out for you, before it gets worse or you get hurt.

[emilyemily]

hes 20, he was trying to get a job but then went on payments and i think hes quiet happy to get that little money a week. he seems to be just hanging on to his music to help him get through life, but doesnt seem to have a back plan. im all for him havign dreams and goals but he needs a job as well. he just doesnt seem o be trying hard enough and already at 20 has alot of debt from credit cards. i respect what my mum says cos i know she has my interests at heart and wants me to have a comftable life and treated well, but my bf has supported me and loved me so much i just cant see myself letting go and breaking his heart too. i think maybe giving him one more shot at getting a job will be my last chance to see if he is motivated or not. eeeeks.....

[ShySoul]

Has he been through anything that could explain his appearent lack of motivation? Faced a lot of rejection? Something that scared him?

 

Do you have any connections or leads that could help him out?

 

It is important that you try to get him to see that he needs to do something with his life, for his sake. But it is also important that you don't end up hurting yourself in the process.