How Do I Let Go?

[Myknosis]

I feel like all my attempts to keep no contact with my ex is helping. I love her so much. She said that she left to find herself yet she is has given no hope of return.

 

Everyone says "Time will heal". Well I've been out with awesome friends and created new ones. But I still think of my ex. It's going on three months now since the divorce (7 years marraige).

 

Is there anyone here who has any really good ideas on moving on with life without a significant other?

[princepesa2]

I think you're already doing the right things. Being with friends/family as well as meeting new people will re-affirm that you have other important and fulfilling things going on in your life than just what you had with your ex.

I'm curious as to why you said "moving on with life without a significant other"?. Are you in a frame of mind that says you won't ever have another significant other in your life? If that's the case, I think it's important to remind yourself that there will come a time when you will meet somebody else just as wonderful, if not better. Or if you have chosen never to have a signficant other again (for fear of getting hurt?) than maybe establishing closer friendships is the way to go for you (although I personally don't think it's an exact substitute).

 

I found that involving myself in new activities where you are around other people (taking a class, joining a gym, doing volunteer work) has helped me a lot.

[bzborow1]

I would take this time to just be active in things you want to do, or wanted to do but never had time. New hobbies? Exercising and getting in shape again? Joining some recreational sports teams...eg, fribee leagues, baseball, basketball, etc...just to get out and (excuse the wording) to male things to keep you active and improve your confidence even more.

 

Get more into your work? Getting divorced, or even leaving a long term relationship can be very hard...but it also can be good. Listen, there is always going to be a part of you who cares for this woman, and that's natural. But you've got to look at some positives out of it. You have no more "baggage" to deal with. By baggage I'm just talking about any additional stresses.

[kdreger]

I don't know of any way to help you let go and, unfortunately, there is no quick fixes.

 

You have to break contact and let time heal your wounds. It's tough. Some will tell you to get into a new relationship to help but it doesn't help. All that does is mask the pain and delay dealing with it. You have to ride it out and grow from it. I suggest facing it full on and not running from it or denying it.

 

You're probably like me. Some days are better than others. You feel as if you're getting better then a song or memory pops up and you feel ill or like someone knocked the wind out of you. It's all a part of healing from a broken heart. I can tell you it does slowly get better but it takes time - for you, someone you've been with for 7 years, I'd say 6 months to a year before you're at peace with it.

[Myknosis]

Thanks for all the replies so far!

 

I do feel that perhaps another significant other will come into my life. However, right now everytime I go out with someone I think of my ex. So I know that I am not ready for any type of relationship. I have never been a kind of person to hang out with friends but just spend time with my wife. However, I am learning that I have missed out on something that has enriched my life so far (i.e. friendships). Being independent and learning what my likes and dislikes are and exploring so many various types of activities (dancing, music, eating out) while having great friends to share these moments with has been a real eye opener. I do miss my ex though and I wish that this never would have happened.

 

How does one balance friends, a significant other, and all the activities?