Moved from FL to MI w/ in-laws..help

[ginabear05]

Hello. Earlier this year, I moved from Florida to Michigan to live with my long-time long distance boyfriend and his family. I (stupidly) ran off about 3 days after my high school graduation. I am almost 19 and he is 21 1/2. I had only visited his family up there twice before moving there. He told me that it would be better that I move there so we would have a better chance to save money than we would living with my parents. Well, here it is, about 7 months later, and we have not saved a dime. We have about $300 to our name and that's only because his parents gave him $200 for Christmas. I had expected to save at least $1000 by now! If it wasn't for his parents supporting us, we would be living in a cardboard box. I am a very independent person, I was raised to pay my own way and I feel like just another kid living with his parents. I do not feel like an independent grown woman. I feel like a baby and I hate it. His parents like me, I know, but still, I think they will eventually resent me living there and having to support me. I don't think it is fair to them and they still have another 16-year-old son living there to support. I am not their child and not their responsibility. Between me and my boyfriend right now, we couldn't live on our own, we couldn't afford it. He has been going to community college for his personal trainer certification, which he should be getting this Spring. He works at his family's golf course from April-September and then he doesn't work between October-March and our checking account shows it. He is used to having the winter off to go to school, but now I am here and he has to take care of me. I have my own E-Bay business and it is hard to make a ton of money on E-Bay by yourself. He promised me he would start helping me as soon as I start putting things on again after the New Year. I feel like I am stuck. I want to move back down south. I want us to get our own place and live on our own like real adults. I just think my boyfriend has been spoiled so much by his parents that he just hasn't fully grown up yet and isn't ready for the responsibility. I cry all the time over this but I never let him know my feelings. I miss my family terribly, I have no family up here. All of my family is in FL and Alabama. He says that he wants to move down south in a couple of years so he can go to Florida State University but at the rate we are "saving" money that will be in 10 years, though he promises only being up in Michigan for 2-3 years. His family says I am a part of their family now but I'm sorry, it's just not the same as your OWN family that raised you and everyone can attest to that. I do not know what to do. I love my boyfriend but I am torn at the same time as to what to do. I am just not happy in our current living situation. i think i would feel better if we were living on our own even in Mich but it is just not financially feasible right now. Please help!

[Lindsay]

In the spring he will receive his cert. right? so then wouldnt you both be able to move out?

I think the major problem here is COMMUNICATION! If you feel you cant talk to your boyfriend about soemthing that is bothering you, I wonder why is he your boyfriend? You really have to talk to him about this so maybe you both will be able to come to some type of agreement of when you both will move into your own place or if you should move back home.

I think if you told him how you feel or let him read your post here, he'd probably would try harder to move out sooner for your sanity.

 

You sacrificed alot when you moved, hopefully he will realise that and be understanding.

 

I know how you feel I am very independent, I hate living with my parents but I have to. I couldnt imagine living with someone else's parents. Best of luck.

[ginabear05]

I am going to try to, but I am afraid he will just talk me down and say I'm being silly, not to worry, and that we will be out of there in a couple of years. He will probably think that I am bashing his family. I like his family, but they are starting to treat me like I'm one of their kids and they do somewhat dictate what we do. But damn it, I don't WANT to live there for that long! I should not have to suffer and be unhappy and cry myself to sleep at night just to appease him. I HAVE sacrificed a lot. I know this sounds babyish but I miss my mom and dad! If he loves me, he won't want me to be unhappy.

[Lindsay]

I am going to try to, but I am afraid he will just talk me down and say I'm being silly, not to worry, and that we will be out of there in a couple of years. He will probably think that I am bashing his family. I like his family, but they are starting to treat me like I'm one of their kids and they do somewhat dictate what we do. But damn it, I don't WANT to live there for that long! I should not have to suffer and be unhappy and cry myself to sleep at night just to appease him. I HAVE sacrificed a lot. I know this sounds babyish but I miss my mom and dad! If he loves me, he won't want me to be unhappy.

 

 

First off, dont put words in his mouth, dont act out the scenario of telling him. I know I said "he'd probably do this blah, blah, blah" but really what you're doing is making up excuses. You seem really afraid to tell him how you feel. If he thinks you are attacking his family make it clear that you are not. If he tells you that you are being silly, be firm and tell him that you are serious about how you feel.

 

I always do that I'll say to myself well "he or she will do this or that..." and usually I am totally off and people are pleased that I finally told them how I feel. Seriously, if you cant talk to him you probably should just leave and go back home because no relationship will work w/o basic communication. If he doesnt respect how you feel about things say good bye.

[theantibarbie23]

I understand your fustration about him being without work for all those months and he needs to find another job when that seasonal one is gone. I would have a very serious talk with him about that as it's counterproductive to making any real cashflow.

 

However, you also need to find some work to do while you are there in MI and just keep EBAY as a side job or vice versa. I know a lot of people who've had to work more than one job when they were young. It stinks but it will make you feel like less of a burden and give you the satisfaction of having some cash in your bank account that you've saved.

[ginabear05]

You're absolutely right. I am nervous about telling him how I feel about things but I am going to do it as soon as I get back up there (am in FL right now visiting my family for the holidays..going to fly back to MI tomorrow). I am just going to be honest and real about how I feel whether he likes what I have to say or not.

 

 

 

When I first moved to MI I wanted to get a "real" job but there came the problem of us only having 1 car between the two of us (and me being uninsured - meaning in order to be insured while I'm driving it, HE has to be in the car with me) thereforeeee creating a conflict when it comes to both of us working separate jobs (unless we could find jobs with similiar schedules). So we just decided that he will continue working his seasonal job and I will stay at his house and work on E-Bay. Well, it is possible to make decent cash on E-Bay but you have to work very very hard at it. I will see how things go though.

[theantibarbie23]

When I first moved to MI I wanted to get a "real" job but there came the problem of us only having 1 car between the two of us (and me being uninsured - meaning in order to be insured while I'm driving it, HE has to be in the car with me) thereforeeee creating a conflict when it comes to both of us working separate jobs (unless we could find jobs with similiar schedules). So we just decided that he will continue working his seasonal job and I will stay at his house and work on E-Bay. Well, it is possible to make decent cash on E-Bay but you have to work very very hard at it. I will see how things go though.

 

How about the bus? Or working separate shifts so that he'd be free to drop you off and pick you up? Or working PT on his days off? There are ways of getting around the whole one car thing unless you live in a rural area, if so I really feel for ya. It's a lot harder when you have nothing close by.