Very Bizarre Feelings about relationships

[INeedTheCheese]

Hey all, I'm 17 and I have a lovely boyfriend who Im happy with and he seems nothing but happy with me. its just that..im sort of...tired. i'll try and explain.

 

Im just starting to get into my head that Im not intended for relationships. For one thing, Im a very depressive person, and that cannot be an asset to anyone!

I get very jealous of things like girls in magazines but not for usual reasons. I know (sorry but im just going on what ive been told) that im hot, im thin, im good looking, but ill never feel as feminine as that, because ultimately, i havnt been able to shake the feeling (from the age of 11 or so) that I was meant to have been born a guy.

 

I think of me as a bi guy in a womans body. Theres nothing *wrong* or ugly about my physical appearance, but its not right for me. I have always fitted in better with guys, and really am bad at being at all typically female. I never *got* girls (despite fancying some of them) and overall, just..argh, I am the wrong, wrong gender and this makes me feel very uncomfortable because it sort of feels like im living a kind of falsehood.

When Ive tried to talk to a few friends about it, they pretty much just said *uhh...riiiiiiiiggghhhtttt but you so arnt like a guy*.

I was bought up just to be a normal girl, my family life offers no clues as to why im like this. i wasnt bullied or anything about related issues either as i was growing up, neither was I abused or anything.

 

If I didnt have 36C breasts I could (and would try to) pass off as a guy, because I have rough body shape (shoulders wider than hips) unisex punky haircut, and im goodlooking in striking rather than dainty way. I used to feel mad that somehow i was in wrong body, but now im just sad. Im going back to psychiatrist in january for Aspergers Syndrome/Depression so i will talk about that...but...i just needed to vent.

Thank You.

[Shadows Light]

I'm glad you are talking to a proffessional about your feelings. They are probably the best to help you sort out your feelings.

 

Does your boyfriend know about your feelings? You know he should be your best friend above all... and you should be able to talk to him.

[INeedTheCheese]

oh of course, I talked about these feelings with him about 3 days ago. He listened for a long time, but all he could ultimately really say was *well...I dont see you as a bi guy*.

Its good that it doesnt seem to matter to him and it was a relief he doesnt *mind*.

he loves my curves. Yeh, theyre nice..but they arnt meant for me. They are wrong. It should be a straighter body with more muscle

[Dregnought]

I agree. Im sorry to say that there is no way to change your body fully (sure, you could get a sex change, but its still not fully)

 

I am curious though - what happened when you were 11. Maybe you just read some text, looked at some pictures? the key to a 'cure' is to attack it at its root.

 

For one thing, Im a very depressive person, and that cannot be an asset to anyone!

Your bf loves you - if you werent there he would have a missisng gap in his life. When i met MG - she was depressive to, even suicidal. Its because of that she writ a poem, which i read and talked to her, and we fell in love. Her depression gave her the best thing she has ever been given. So while it may not feel like any good can come from it, trust me, it can.

[Tigris]

I know what it's like to be confused, I've been dealing with a sexuality problem for 30 years!

 

It's good that you are asking for help.

 

Good luck and take care.