Little things bother me

[Celadon]

There's this one area of my life I'm trying to change, but I don't know how to. I'm bothered by little things - mostly interactions with people. I don't know if I need to learn to go with the flow or be more assertive or what. Or maybe I just need more attention in my life. lol.

 

This may sound stupid, but for example when I'm in a group and offer a suggestion and people ignore me or don't respond directly to me, it really bugs me. It happens in real life and on the Internet too. Sometimes I even address a person one-on-one in a group, and they don't respond to me. I feel dissed.

 

A similar situation that bothers me is when someone thinks of themselves and not me or others. Like I'm in this singing group and there's a gal who is not even a regular member and she just asked to sing the solo on the best song. I just thought it was rude - like, didn't she think anyone else might want it? That puts me in a bad spot, because if I say, "Oh, no, I wanted to sing it" it'll create conflict. I think what also bugs me is that other people don't notice. If I don't say anything, everyone else will just give the solo to Jenny.

 

Part of why this bothers me is I'm a very detail oriented person and I notice this stuff happening. Does this type of thing bother anyone else? Or anyone have some advice? Thanks. I could use the help!

[Mr-Kipling]

I don't have any advice to offer you, but I do feel very similar to you; it's a very frustrating thing aswell. I'm curious to see if anyone has any suggestions for this.

[SuperDuper]

I know what you mean. People in general can be very disrespectful.

Just know that there are people out there that are supportive to your views and decisions and are more than happy to listen to what you have to say.

 

I'm guessing that you're in your teens, to early twenties. It seems that people tend to grow out of that stage, and are more respectful to what people have to say. I agree that was rude for them to pick Jenny over someone more deserving, maybe you should take whoever is in charge aside, and ask for their reason, becaues you're clearly more devoted and comitted.

 

It seems that you're quite passive in your ways, and don't speak up too often when someone ignores you, which is completely understandable seeing how you don't want to cause a fuss. Sometimes it's better to raise your voice (not volume) and state your personal opinion. That may be the relief you're looking for.

 

Most of these problems are concerning other people, and reflect on you. You cannot change how other people are, but you can change how you react to them. Keep positive and when you feel someone does something disrespectful, let them know.

 

Hope this helps a bit.

[talo]

Hi K8tie,

 

There's this one area of my life I'm trying to change, but I don't know how to. I'm bothered by little things - mostly interactions with people. I don't know if I need to learn to go with the flow or be more assertive or what. Or maybe I just need more attention in my life. lol.

 

We always need more attention don't we... But as seen here, not necessarily anyone elses - just our own.

 

This may sound stupid, but for example when I'm in a group and offer a suggestion and people ignore me or don't respond directly to me, it really bugs me. It happens in real life and on the Internet too. Sometimes I even address a person one-on-one in a group, and they don't respond to me. I feel dissed.

 

After saying something, why expect anything in return.... If nothing 'comes back' and you still have something to say, don't you just say it... If you feel something, do you describe it.... All this is not dependent on 'others' is it... All this is just being yourself, isn't it....

 

A similar situation that bothers me is when someone thinks of themselves and not me or others. Like I'm in this singing group and there's a gal who is not even a regular member and she just asked to sing the solo on the best song. I just thought it was rude - like, didn't she think anyone else might want it? That puts me in a bad spot, because if I say, "Oh, no, I wanted to sing it" it'll create conflict. I think what also bugs me is that other people don't notice. If I don't say anything, everyone else will just give the solo to Jenny.

 

How do you know when someone is thinking of themself and not you or others... You imply that something is wrong with asking to sing a solo....

 

If you do not say anything, is this thinking of yourself, or others.... or is it just being yourself....

 

Part of why this bothers me is I'm a very detail oriented person and I notice this stuff happening. Does this type of thing bother anyone else? Or anyone have some advice? Thanks. I could use the help!

 

What you do not perhaps notice happening is when you start to become bothered and what causes this bother. As seen here, this has nothing to do with anyone else: it has to do with your own beliefs of 'how things should be'.

 

Not intending to be a bother,

 

[Celadon]

Thanks guys -- Mr-Kipling, SuperDuper, Talo. I appreciate your answering me. I've been thinking about your advice and feedback.

 

I think part of what bothers me is that I really value communication - not only to say what I need to say, but to have it considered and responded to. When I try and fail in that way, but someone else succeeds, it's frustrating and baffling.

 

That being said, it seems like I have too high an expectation of it happening. You're right, SuperDuper, I can't control anyone else. Even if someone is ignoring me intentionally, there's not much to be done to *make* the person communicate with me.

 

Instead, I can decide to be thankful when people DO take the time to respond to me. There are probably a dozen reasons why some people get responses and others don't, but I don't suppose that matters all that much.

 

I could improve my communication skills, but changing my attitude will be more helpful now and in the long run. Thanks again.

[SuperDuper]

Not a problem.

All of us have the answers within ourselves, sometimes we just need help bringing them out.

 

Good Luck.

[TheRiddler]

The reason why according to science is because you want to "CONTROL" the uncontrollable in this case its your friends. You WANT to CHANGE them, by offering your advice, but you have to understand that its THEIR CHOICE to either accept what you have to say or not. Its that simple. Just remember your there to OFFER advice not to FORCE it onto them.

[blueangel]

lol You are just like my dad. You can't put expectations on people- that's not what life is all about. Nobody can be everything you want them to be. Some people, that's just not who they are and you have to respect that. Speak your mind but make sure you know what you're talking about. If someone doesn't respond, you may have caught them off guard or at a busy time. Who hasn't been there? In you, I sense a great straight-forwardness...or atleast a desire of such... and someone who lives too much in their mind. I bet you have powerful eyes. I used to live in my mind all the time, and when I looked in the mirror, I could see that my eyes revealed everything- my uncomfort, depth of detail thinking into life, insecurities and most of all, my unique-ness. People who are too serious and can't take life lightly enough or who feel too proud to laugh at themselves, their eyes... they pierce into you because there is something piercing in their own heart. Is that you?

 

The more you hold back and just watch, the more you want from others what they themselves cannot give you. You have to accept people. If you feel you know it all about yourself and how others should be, start helping others see it too... not by critisizing but by just being comfortable with who you are. Lead by example. When you live to give, there is no bitterness anymore. Those who live with peace inside them find only peace wherever they go. Living otherwise is living in self destruction.

 

Maybe I'm going too deep with this but your post struck a familiar cord with me. It may or may not be true about you but keep what I said in mind.

[Celadon]

If you feel you know it all about yourself and how others should be, start helping others see it too... not by critisizing but by just being comfortable with who you are. Lead by example. When you live to give, there is no bitterness anymore. Those who live with peace inside them find only peace wherever they go. Living otherwise is living in self destruction.

 

Blueangel, you are wise beyond your years. I hear what you're saying, and I'm taking it to heart. Thank you for sharing with me.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

deep breaths always help

[CluelessGuy321]

I feel the same way! Like I'm not the "cool" person at the table. I have kinda learned that someone is always listening to you even if they don't it. Some people can handle this (ie some of my friends) because they have a lot of energy, pause, and talk again with a loud voice in a positive and energetic manner.

[Celadon]

I have kinda learned that someone is always listening to you even if they don't it. Some people can handle this (ie some of my friends) because they have a lot of energy, pause, and talk again with a loud voice in a positive and energetic manner.

 

Yeah, that's so true, Clueless. I think no one's listening, which makes me tense. But the loud people take it in stride and just keep on talking! It's good to remember that technique. Thanks for replying!