Asking a girl....

[orange blood]

Question:

How exactly does one ask a girl "out"?

I'm not asking "oh how do i work up the courage to even talk to this girl" as it's not entirely difficult talking to her, as I always want to talk to her.

More looking what to say/ask to go from whatever we are, to this "boyfriend/girlfriend" thing.

I find it easy to open up to her about other areas of my life, andshe herself has told me various things about her own. But somehow this is just very difficult. I am a somewhat shy and reserved person, who has trouble expressing sometimes what I feel. I can certainly be out-going when i want/need to. I've just never done this, have no experience. Simplying saying "so, do you want to be my girlfriend" sounds stupid and makes me want to reject msyelf.

 

A girl just asked me to go to a movie with her(it was online). Assuming it's going to be just us, at first she invited me to go with her and this guy(who has a gf), but something came up and we had to re-schedule. Now we're suppose to go in a few days, and I mostly think it'll just be me and her.

It's already kidna weird to try and "ask a girl out" at a place where one should've already asked another out before even going. Just semantics maybe.

 

 

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backstory:

Um I am in high school, last year there.

Ok see there's this girl. I started talking to her almost a year and a half ago. We really didn't start talking about anything "real" until a year ago, and since then we usually talked in the class periods we had and online.

When this school year began we had only one class, and it's one where paying attention is almost mandatory to get the material, so not as much talking.

I had asked her to do something over the Thanksgiving break, and she actually said yes, and even asked if it was just going to be us two(which it was and she was cool with). We had fun(I know i did and she said so). Sh even took pictures. I don't think it would counted as a "date" though.

We've hung out twice more before this outside of school. Three months ago with like 3-4 other people, and two months ago with just us during a lunch break at this volunteer thing(we stayed out for an hour, and only we're suppose to get 30mins).

[JuStAgIrL31806]

Well, when my boyfriend asked me out after we were talking a while, he said something like, "so, do you want to make us official"...something like that, it was very sweet though...good luck!

[Diablo7000]

i can relate to this very well, we jsut got this new girl at school and she was there 4 days and we were calling each other and she asked me did i wanna go hang out at the mall saturday, wel shes been flirting and showed ALOT of signs she likes me, so we were walking in the mall, me,her,herfriend,and her friends b/f... so insdie 1 of the stores i just said hey are you single? cas you never talka bout a guy, and she'll say yes or no..i waited a few minutes then jsut said, would you like to go out with me? just very simple, it took ALOTA uts we were in a checkout line of like 30 ppl not to mention people behind me and all around the store, but she said yes right there and we jsut smiled at each other.... and i'm NOT good looking she begs to differ, but i'm not, she said it was my personality.. jsut try to be funny girls love to laugh, if u can make a girl laugh and have a god personality.. then thats almost all you need... but when you go to the movies..i recommend buy her movie ticket, but nothing else.. snacks cost to damn much.. and i told my g/f that ahead of time when we went to a movie, i said i'll get your ticket but u can buy everything else it costs to damn much, and she laughed, so it's jsut according to how you use your wordsya but dont try anything fancy like, ya you think we should hook up, jsut be casual.. dnt try to be sumone your not...jsut be yourself.. thats all i did and it got me the girl i got now. and i've never been happier.. hope i helped sum..later

[DiscipleOfChange]

Diablo7000 brings up a good point: being able to make girls laugh, even if it's a little snicker is definitely a good skill.

[orange blood]

I can defintely make her laugh, and she can always make me crack a smile even when I don't want to.

 

Sitaution is different than Diablo7000, he simply asked a girl out, and then i guess it went on from then. I've asked her out(to do something) and she's asked me out(to do something), but so far they weren't the "oh, would you like to go out with me" implication of bf/gf.

 

I guess at the best/worst they were "friend dates". I need help in forming the right words to ask her to be my girlfriend(without saying "do you want to eb my girlfriend?" necessarily.

Maybe someone can post an example conversation on how they did it or happened to them. Maybe also the situation around it.

[PocoDiablo]

Example conversation:

 

You know, you seem like you're pretty cool and I'd like to get to know you better. How would you like to go on a date with me to Starbucks this Wednesday night?"

 

Then shut your mouth and say NOTHING until she replies.

 

If you use the word date, and realize that what you are saying is the TRUTH (you think she's cool, you want to get to know her better, that is what dates are for, the man always asks a woman on a date first) then you have nothing to worry about.

 

Now, in my experience, you will get one of three responses, and you should pay attention to them:

 

1. Yes! I'd love to go. (Good)

2. Yes! I'd love to go, but I am busy that night. How about Thursday night? (Good - she counter offered a free time.)

3. Yes! I'd love to go, but I am busy that night. (Bad - no counter offer of another day.)

 

The first two responses, or anything like them, means she is most likely interested in dating you, which is what you want. The third response when she makes up ANY excuse but does not pick another day, or otherwise does not let you know when she is free, usually means she simply is not interested in dating you. Luckily for you this just means she is not aware of how cool of a guy you are, and would you really want to date a woman who did not think you were the greatest thing since sliced bread?

 

Now, for my standard lecture, I usually tell guys that you should not wait a YEAR to ask a woman out. If you do that, she may put have friendzoned you already. Most guys will meet a women, make some small talk, and THEN ask her on a date to get to know her, but to also let her know his intentions are to be more than just a friend. You won't waste a year trying to ask, and you'll get a better read on if a woman likes you or not.

 

So go to it and let us know what happens.

[ShySoul]

Asking people out and asking to be boyfriend/girlfriend is highly overrated and doesn't require an insturction manual to do it.

 

First get to know the person. You already have that part covered. Then just ask to do something with them. Spend more time with them, alone. Show you are interested in your actions, the way you speak to her. You'll practically fall into the relationship if a mutual attraction starts to develop and you are getting along great. With a girl I knew, I just flat out said "I like you." Didn't need any fancy line, didn't need to ask on a date. I said it, she felt the same. Bang, mutual interest and things could go from there. When it comes time to be "a couple," I'll know. Really, you'll probably have a talk about it and just come to the conclusion, yes, we are boyfriend/girlfriend.

[orange blood]

Warning: This was mostly typed yesturday, before ShySoul's post.(Computer crashed late at night, and I just thought I'd get soem sleep rather than try and post it)

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I went in blind without any real advice I thougth I could put to use, and as such nothing really happened.

We were even in her car for a good 20minutes alone after the movie just sitting and talking, and I just kept trying to get myself to start the conversation of me liking her and what have you, but I didn't. Before I knew it I was at home realized the almost wasted opportunity. But now this is only making me pressure myself to tell her the next time I see her(in person).

 

I guess the probelm with all of this is we know each other pretty well on a friends level. I know all of her probelms, dreams, and drama, as she does mine. Though I've only gotten a hug from her once months ago, we're kinda close, hard to describe. I know her just as well as anyone else, now there's just really another side of her I wish to get to know.

With christmas coming up, I don't think i'll get to see her until afterwards. And then I hope to ask her out again, and maybe then finally tell her how I feel and just plainly(though she desveres much more) ask her. It's just driving me insane not knowing.

I just wanna go in there having something to say because if i don't have it pre-planned, then I will get tongued-tied and maybe lose my courage.

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I don't know what I was going to say afterwards. But now that i've read ShySoul's, I wish that is how it would've played out. I was too pre-occupied trying to ask this thing and talking about other things with her, that I should've just been blunt with her and told her I liked her. Then maybe seen how she reacted and just wing it from there.

 

Now I won't see her in person for maybe a week or two. Next time we're just alone talking I guess I will just have to show some fortitude, and just say something along the lines "I've been trying to find the best way to tell you X, but I think the only way i can tell yo is 'I like you'".

Right now sounds not right, but after playing it in my head a bit it shall tweak to something better.

[ShySoul]

Hey, sorry I didn't post that sooner for you. But relax. It isn't as bad as you think. Did you have a good talk otherwise? Yes? Then thats good. It's not easy to start a conversation about liking someone. And you may just fail many times. But keep trying and believing in yourself and you will get it right. And being close friends can be good.

 

Don't give up or lose hope. You can do it.

[orange blood]

We talked on a variety of subjects like we always do, and I would have considered it a good talk. When I'm talking with her, it's hard not to have a good conversation. The only times it's not is when we've talked just on everything('cept the aforementioned) and then there's the silence.

 

i've invited her to have coffee with me(because i haven't had it in ages and she could show me the ropes as to a good coffee) but she was busy today(and then I myself had plans made for me today, so I wouldn't have been able to go either way). I think we shall have that cup in a week or so though.

In this more conversation setting(rather than a dark room where conversation can be distracting to others around), I think I will tell her.

[PocoDiablo]

I still have my doubts that telling her "I like you" will create the spark you are looking for. Do keep us updated though.

[Dating Coach]

I agree 100% with PocoDiablo here. OrangeBlood, if you want advice that will be the most beneficial to you, then I would heed to Poco's advice.

[orange blood]

I still have my doubts that telling her "I like you" will create the spark you are looking for. Do keep us updated though.

Not really looking to create a "spark". I think the "spark" may already be there, just one of us needs to make a move. Though I'm mostly sure of this, it could all be a figment of my imagination.

[ShySoul]

Not really looking to create a "spark". I think the "spark" may already be there, just one of us needs to make a move. Though I'm mostly sure of this, it could all be a figment of my imagination.

 

Figment of the imagination or not, you feel something. And if you feel something, take a chance. You never know unless you try.

 

Really, you alredy asked her out. You are going for coffee. It may not be an offical "date" with the title, but it is a chance to flirt and hint at more. If you feel like you need to get the feelings out, go ahead. See where the spark leads you. At the very worst you will be able to say you tried. Follow that heart.

[orange blood]

I mean this isn't the first time i've asked her out to do something(i think i've previously said this in my first post, if not I apologize).

First time we were really out away from school was just by chance, as I was going to this fair thing with a friend, and she ended up coming along. She had asked me to dance, but I declined as I just can't dance. She danced with the three other guys(the only other people there) there instead, and by this time I was a little jealous and just ready to dance with her uncaring for how ridiculus I coudl possibly look, but then one of those group dance songs came out when we got to the dance floor, and then after that, we just headed out. So really missed a chance there.

Second time(about a month later), she had asked me to take a lunch break with her at this volunteer thing. So we did. We spent an hour break when we only got 30mins. That was really fun as she ate off of what I bought and we just were able to talk and laugh.(Then ever since at school we'd usually have lunch together the days we had lunch the same time, with me and her going into the line together and mostly again just eating off my plate)

3rd time(about a month later), I asked her to do something with me over thanksgiving break. Here she had asked if it would just be the two of us, and I said yeah. We hung out for like an 2 hours. She said she had fun. She was also trying out her new camera, and took alot of pictures.

4th time(month later, what a pattern), she asked me out to a movie. Already described this one I think. It was just us.

(oh and she has given me home-baked goods thrice this school year, once for my own birthday. It was very, very good.)

 

And now as one part of the pattern(her then me then her then me asking), I've asked her to coffee(and of course another winter-related activity).

 

I think it's just time that I should tell her. I somewhat feel that if it's dragged one any longer, that anything we may have had may just go to the wayside.

[ShySoul]

She keeps asking you, so there is something there. Tell her. You'll be relieved when you do and good chance something very special is going to happen.

[Dating Coach]

Would she do those things if she liked you romantically? Yes. Woudl she do those things if she liked you as a friend? Yes. So we have solved nothing with that line of thought...

 

If you are interested in her and want to go out with her, then the only way to find out if she is interested in the same way would be to ask her out or create a romantic situation with her. Hanging out with her as friends isn't going to get you a clear answer.