Guidance Needed To Get Him Back

[Lady Bugg]

I would like to get back together with my ex. Or have at least a shot at it.

I need mostly guys opinions but all are appreciated.

 

Guys if you broke it off with a girl for whatever reason, and especially if the reason wasn't really "clear cut". Just mainly timing issues and whatnot, how could your ex help her chances with getting you back?

Does doing No Contact help? Would you miss her and think about her more..or would that make you think she doesn't really care as much?

 

I am a very strong person and I can do what is needed I just need some guidelines and some help, so I don't screw up.So please any advice would help.

[NR498E]

how long were you together?and what reasons did he give for dumping you?and what kind of relathionship did the two of you have?

[coooolsome]

One, you need to do NC for about a month or 2. This way you both have a chance to get over the breakup. If he contacts you answer but keep things short b/c you are busy. During this time, try to figure out why you think you broke up. Think about the couple of months before the breakup. I guarantee he has said something that you just didnt pick up on. Keep busy, work out, make yourself better.

 

After this, any contact you have, remain aloof. Do not show emotions at all. Basically act like you are friends. Dont give him to much. Date other people.

 

Give us more specifics, like how old, how long was the relationship, how did he break up with you. Stuff like that and we can help more.

 

Basically the best thing you can do is move on. This usually gives you the best chance of getting someone back but by then, you might not want them back.

[Lady Bugg]

Thanks Andy and Cool!

 

here's a little info....I'm 30 he's 34, so we're not children or kids.

He's been married once, I've never been married. We dated about 8 months. I started pressing him for more f a commitment....and I guess I scred him off. He just became less available, which did not help the issue at ALL. I became more insecure..etc.....and he just decided it 'wasn't working". I know I what I SHOULD have done and how I SHOULD have acted..but when you care for someone it's just not always easy to be logical. Is there ANY chance this could work again? I just don't want to put myself out there only to be rejected again

[Lady Bugg]

Another thing I didn't add is I have been in NO CONTACT for just over a month. The last time I emailed him he "deleted" it. Up to that point he had been talking to me a little bit, but I guess I started pushing too much again. So I just cut off contact altogether after he deleted my email. I never asked why , I didn't want to get hurt. So this is where I am at. Is this case hopeless?

[hockeyboy]

i dated a girl right after i got out of a 4 year relationship. she was and is awseome. i broke up with her because i just couldnt handle another relationship so soon (though i didnt realize it then.) looking back...she would make a great gf...we just met at the wrong time. you know...i'd give her and i another shot...but i dont dare ask. but ya...for a while i couldnt care less about her...but after some nc...i did start to think about her again.

[shes2smart]

The one thing you need to consider is this:

 

If he is reallly done with the relationship, it makes no difference what you do or don't do. If he's decided he's done, he won't come back.

 

So, before you do anything, you need to think about how you would feel if you put forth a lot of effort and spent a lot of time - which you will never get back - for nothing. You could also choose to put that time & effort towards healing yourself & finding someone whose relationship goals better fit yours.

 

Only you can decide which would be best for you.

[lonelyfish]

Hey Lady Bugg,

 

You seem to be in the same situation as me as my ex was also previously married. You probably had a great relationship with him but yeah, like me you might have scared him a bit regarding the commitment thing. Don't blame yourself! Every girl that he will meet will want the same thing from him. As his first marriage failed he is just making sure that the next time around he will get it right, and he probably just wants to see what else is out there. If you were good to him he will always compare every girl to you. Not a bad thing. Maybe he'll find out that the grass is not always greener. I say do N/C with him. Give him his space and it give it some time.

[lonelyfish]

i dated a girl right after i got out of a 4 year relationship. she was and is awseome. i broke up with her because i just couldnt handle another relationship so soon (though i didnt realize it then.) looking back...she would make a great gf...we just met at the wrong time. you know...i'd give her and i another shot...but i dont dare ask. but ya...for a while i couldnt care less about her...but after some nc...i did start to think about her again.

 

Hockeyboy,

 

What is keeping you from contacting this girl again if she was so great? Do you ever wonder "what if"?

[coooolsome]

Yeah, just continue NC and accept that its over for good. He might eventually contact you or he may not but you need to move on. If you really want, you could contact him in another month but you will have to never talk about the relationship unless he brings it up. And you have to remain aloof and not push at all. This is very important, any pushing will cause him to run and he will run far.

[keefy1972]

This is my christmas wish as far as my ex is concerned...I wish I could find that guy that she was soooo crazy about and be him again. That's what you need to strive for. Find the woman you were when you first got together. That's what brought you two together to begin with. Become that person again. One of the main reasons people think NC works in "getting back an ex" is because it gives you the space and time YOU need to approach it as an entirely new relationship. If he/she comes back. The key is ultimately finding yourself and being yourself. Let the past stay in the past and never re-visit it.

[lonelyfish]

Very true! Great post Keefy!

[Lady Bugg]

I wanted to thank everyone for their replies. I would like a second chance with him , but not at the expense at my self worth or esteem. It took a pretty hard blow , and I am not yet ready to deal with that again.

 

I will take everyones advice and step back and maybe contact him again in a couple months. I think I was pretty good to him. I mean we were REALLY attracted to each other etc.. but I think it was my insecurity and clinginess that pushed him away. I'm workign on my confidence again, and working out, , dating etc. I just feel so ugly after being rejected! lol I'm sure you all ahve felt that way before! Anyway I do apreciate everyones kind advice. It really DOES help!!

[Lady Bugg]

This is for HockeyBoy...

 

You said you would give you and her another chance but you don't dare ask? Can I ask why? Are you afraid she'll reject you now? What are your reasons? Would you like her to contact you?

 

I wonder if he ever even considers the possibility of "us" again...I mean without thinking of all the "bad" stuff that happened in the end.

 

Sorry if I am posting so much I would just really like some insight to what works with guys in this situation. Thanks so much