To Respond or Not To Respond?

[capricorn85]

Hey guys. Well I got four private calls from the ex yesterday, then he called again me this time he unblocked his number. I put on my auto vmail and I heard him leave a vmail basically saying hey then he tried to erase it. He calls back and when I tried to check my vmail but he already deleted it. I signed online and had a email saying "just saying hi and wanted to know if you are well (write back if your good)." Should I respond? I have been doing NC fro 20 days. This is his second attempt to contact me since I told him on Thanksgiving that he lost me forever. If I do respond I was just going to say, I am good. Thank You. Part of me wants him back, but he is the one that dumped me! Help before I make a mistake.....](*,)

[Dregnought]

IF there are no feelings of love anymore from both sides it is possible to just be friends. Another thought to think of.

[hockeyboy]

what do you want from him is the first question

[James005]

I can see why you are concerned, you both had feelings for oneanother, thats why you tow chose to date in the first place, right?.

After a break up we all go through emotional turmoil we remember only the good and the bad doesnt seem as bad because you are alone.

Although it may be hard maybe you both could use a cooling off period.

As for the email, use this to help.

If you want email him let him know that although you both tried things didn't work and that right now you would be more comfortable if neither of you spoke, not be bashfull or rude but just to sort out persona feelings. The if you want maybe take a crack at being just friends in a few months.

Thing is be direct and assertive and if he keeps emailing you then you may just have to block him. but let him know your true feelings.

 

Hope this helps, if you need more info let me know.

 

Take care

 

James

[lillady898]

He's probably calling because he's come to the realization (after 20 days of NC) that he more than likely has lost you. He's seen you go through with your words ("You've lost me"), and is now worried, because he no longer has all of the control over the situation.

 

If you break no contact, he hasn't neccessarily lost you and you're giving him back that control. Is that what you want to do at this point in time?

[capricorn85]

Lil Lady,

He broke up with me in September and I have been struggling ever since. I have seen him twice since the break up and each time we have had sex and afterwards I felt like crap. The last time was the day before Thanksgiving. What set it off was that afterwards he told me maybe he "wants to have his cake and eat it too." That is why I told him you lost me forever and I text him telling him I will never forgive him for how he did me wrong.

 

It gets so hard when the exes want to break NC. I do not want to go back on my words. Someone told me a simple "Yes. Thank You," is okay...but is it really? What would you do?

[redandblack]

Hey,

 

This is a really difficult situation. By becoming friends with him and slowly spepping back into the water you risk your emotional well-being. I suggest you think about what you want and what you want with him (if anything at all). Also, consider the reasons for the breakup.

 

By talking and meeting with him, you can potentially set yourself way back in the healing process if things don't go as you would like. Tread carefully if you decide to allow him to contact you.

 

Take care!

[capricorn85]

The thing is that I know that I cannot really trust him and his friends in my opinion never respected me like I deserved. I did everything for him guys and when he broke up with me I was depressed. Every now and the nI go through my moods and struggle to find someone that I guess "can take his place." I feel like he thinks I will always be there. This really sucks doesnt it?

[chaos]

I'd say given this history, the things he's said, and your inability to trust him, absolutely do NOT contact him. You'll more than likely end up hurt and he'll go right back to thinking he can "have his cake and eat it too".

[capricorn85]

Okay thankyou chaos. I have not responded. So hard not too. I am on day 21 of NC....

[ONE SXXY LADY]

Cap...

 

Turn your question into a question posed to you from someone else. What advice would you give THEM? "Maybe I want my cake and eat it too"? This said AFTER you two just had sex?

I don't know about you..but that comment would have made me feel like complete dirt (which I am sure it did)....

 

My advice....action speaks MUCH louder than words. If you TELL him he's lost you forever...and then start giving in, and talking to him ..what exacly is that saying to him? It's saying "Regardless of what I said...and how you treated me, if you pursue me enough I will give in". This sounds like a BIG game to him....you're better than that. Aren't you???

 

I wish you luck no matter what you decide.

[capricorn85]

You are so right. I feel like whenever one of us is faced in a situation like this for some reason we still have hope and wish that things would get better. He must be out of his mind for saying that to me! I know I am much better than that, it is just the day to day struggle of NC. I am now on day 21 of NC. I am just worried about when I get back to NY. Our bdays are coming up and I wonder if he will call me. IM NOT CALLING HIM FOR HIS. Just hearing his voice makes me upset. Thank you all for your words of wisdom.

[Lil Punkin]

Capricorn,

 

I like One Sxxy's advice to you. She is right, you ARE much better than this game your ex is playing with you. I know the day to day NC is SOOO hard, but it really WILL get easier. The longer you hold out. Eventually you will see things objectively, and see how he is trying to pull your strings like a puppet. By then you will be strong enough to laugh and feel indifference for him...which is REALLY where you want to be.

 

Hope things work out for you