Confused

[lilkat21]

If I could have all the answers and wisdom in the world I think that I would still not understand why my girlfried does certian things. I feel that maybe I am over reacting but hell if u thought u were being cheated on how would you feel.

 

Well I am here to ask for some advise and to hear your comments. I have been with my girlfriend for about 15 months and we were totally in love and things were good until I moved in with her. Ever since then we have fought about dumb stuff and we are both really negitive and now I think she maybe looking for someone else behind my back. I found out she has posted a profile on link removed while I was visiting my family for a long weekend. Well at first it was harmless and she posted it to meet up with people that she went to school with and she did find some people. But after about 2 or 3 weeks it changed from people she knew to people she did not know hitting on her. They would talk and it would all start with people saying she was cute or hot. I really did not care until this one girl. Well my girlfriend asked her all the normal questions and then she finished up with "are you single?" I got mad about it but wanted to see how it would go. Well the normal responce; " Yes i am single what about you?' My girl friend responded that she was in a realationship for the moment but things were bad because we fought all the time.

 

They did not talk after that until the other night and my girlfriend told her that she could not do it anymore because she was attracted to this girl and she felt it was wrong because she was with me and she felt since we were fighting she was talking to this girl for the wrong reasons. She then told the girl that she was "fly as hell, very beautiful and pretty."

 

She does not know that I know about the emails. But i got really upset that she would even put herself in a situation were she might do something like this. I do have to give it to her for tell this girl that she was wrong but I got mad that she complimented the girl. She said stuff to her that she has not said to me in a long time. IT really hurt my feelings.

 

 

SOOO...am I over reacting for getting mad about this?? I know i should be concerned since she cant tell me abou this website she has a profile on but how concerned should I be? Is this a HUGE hint that she wants out of our relationship???

 

She tells me she loves me everytime we get off the phone but does she really mean it???

 

Please help me with this one!!!

[Tigris]

It's obvious that the two of you aren't very happy with each other right now. You've mentioned everything was okay until you moved in with her and now you are having arguments. How long have you been living together? And what sort of stuff are you arguing about? Haven't you learnt to compromise yet or are you both stubborn?

 

Her talking on the internet to other girls is obviously upsetting you, however, she may think of it as being harmless fun?

 

It's possible that she wants your relationship to go back to that stage, the time when everything seemed perfect for both of you. You need to sit down and talk to her about it, otherwise, you will end up bottling it up until your temper becomes an inferno!

 

Unfortunately, I see another argument for you, at least to start off with. She's going to think you've been spying and checking up on her!

 

If you still love each other you are going to have to talk about the things that are going wrong in your relationship. I suggest that if it's not possible to talk without screaming at each other, to write everything down on paper. Make it two columns, one for 'pros' of staying together and the other 'cons'.

 

I hope everything turns out ok.

 

Good luck and take care. PM me anytime.

[kere]

hey,

 

I know this must be hard for you but keeping all this inside will do more harm than good. I am sure a real reason is behind all this. You are not over reacting, your gf obviously know what she is doing I think she owes it to u to let u know exactly how she feels.

 

Maybe it is as simple as u guys are spending to much time together or too little time together. Or she is feeling disconeccted or she just wants some attention....females are crazy like that...I know cuz I am one....we don't say what we mean we just expect our partners to just know!!!

 

Talk to her...not in a confrontational way....ask her what u really want to ask her and make sure your questions come from a good honest place. Let her know how u really feel and what you want and make suggesions as to how u guys can work things out ....if that is what u both want ofcourse.

 

Good luck

Kere

[tainted]

Ah yes, i have been in this similiar situation with my now ex. Her and i had been living together for two years and the last year of it, we had been fighting over stupid stuff, we where really unhappy, she started a new job which got her out in the public more with a bigger company, and more lesbians, and since we where having rough times and she found someone she could talk to, and well ended up having feelings for her. she still told me she loved me, even more when this girl came into picture, like she was trying to tell me she loved me, so she could convience herself, finally i accused her because i had that gut instinct, and she told me she was finding herself attracted to someone else besides me for once..after that the hell broke loose, and we ended up breaking up for good.

I guess i knew it all along, but i definatly know your situation.

 

i don't think your over reacting, because if your inlove with someone i don't think you would be telling another girl, that she's good lookin. You two really need to have a serious talk before your heart gets broken even more then it already sounds like it, by her actions. Keep strong, and i hope everything works out for you two.

[Prufrock06]

lilkat,

 

I agree with the other posters in that you are most certainly not overreacting. Is this the first time you've moved in with a girlfriend? Regardless, I can imagine how complicated it can be sometimes to be in those kind of situations, especially if cohabitation is new to both people involved. Still, I think the best thing for you and your gf would be to have a deep discussion about this -- I know that sounds like obvious advice, and perhaps it is, but it seems to me the only way to get to the heart of the situation and to keep it from screwing with your mind, especially since you have no 100% certain idea how she's feeling.

 

"after about 2 or 3 weeks it changed from people she knew to people she did not know hitting on her. They would talk and it would all start with people saying she was cute or hot" -- As an aside, myspace can certainly be a frustrating enterprise. Having a space and having browsed through countless others, it seems like everyone is quick to post about how "hot" someone else is without it necessarily meaning anything. I'm not saying that your concerns are unwarranted, but to a degree I think myspace (and other web communities like it) is a lot of reckless flirtation that shouldn't be taken to heart so much. If you are concerned about your gf's activities on myspace (as you should be), I would worry more about this one friend that she is communicating with regularly than with all the other random posts complementing her on her hotness.

 

Hope this helps! Best of luck!