Trust Broken A Stupid Mistake

[SoftSweetLady22]

Well... Lets just say I was very stupid and lied about drinking to my boyfriend of almost 4 months. My mom has a drinking problem as well as my grandpa, so I quit drinking and have been alcohol free since mid June. On friday i had an old friend up for a party and lets just say I had a really horrible day and horrible past few weeks. I know I was going to drink for the wrong reasons that night and my bf knew it too. He asked me not too before I went into the bar. Well I had two drinks and that was it. Usually I wouldve gotten completely wasted, but my strength was there. When I got home I lied to my bf about drinking. It was eating me alive and 10min later about I came clean about it all. Well the most important thing to my bf is trust in a relationship and I just broke that. He was going to break up with me but then he decided not to at least for now. How can I show him it will never happen again that I am truly sorry... That is was a stupid mistake because I really want to to be with him. Thank you for any help... I am ripping myself apart more than anyone can know for doing this.

[DN]

You can only show him by doing it. But he has two reasons to believe that you will not do it again. First, that you stopped and two drinks and second that you did eventually tell him the truth because you could not bear to lie to him. Hopefully, he will recognise that it was a slip-up and let it go.

 

And stop beating yourself up - look to the future and not a one-time mistake.

[Hope75]

People make mistakes. You slipped up, but you felt terrible lying to him and you can clean shortly thereafter. I think that's a pretty good indication that you are not comfortable with lying (a good thing) and that you want to be honest with him. The only way to prove that you won't do it again is to show him, as DN said.

 

Best of luck.

[Dregnought]

Everyone makes mistakes. If we went and dumped someone for when they made a mistake or a slip-up then there would be no humans left. Stop beating yourself up over it. I guess you could go and do a few things for him to (1) make yourself feel better and (2) make him realise that it was a mistake; a slip-up.

[jaiva]

People make mistakes. Just don't continue to make the same mistake. So don't continue to lie to him. When he asks you not to drink. Make a compromise. Tell him that you won't drink more than 2 drinks or something so you won't be setting yourself up for failure.

 

Hope I helped.

Jaiva

[SoftSweetLady22]

Thank you everyone for the replies. I am not out of the dark waters yet. The rain is just pouring down like my tears. I was so stupid and now I might lose the best thing that ever happened to me for a stupid mistake or rather lack of judgement. He is staying with my for now but he doesnt know if he can trust me again . His decision when he makes it is weighing so heavily on my mind and its eating me alive. I know he needs his time to decide but on the other hand how can I just hang around and wait. Anyone have any advice for a scared and aching heart? What do I say and do for him in order to show him he can trust me and that I only want to be with him? Thank you for reading this...

[RescueDiver]

There is really nothing you can do in the short term. Over the long term of course you can rebuild the trust you lost by being honest, not lying, taking opportunities to show responsibility and following through on them. Trust is not always an absolute (even though we would like it to be). It is something that grows and shrinks day to day. It is affected by what we say (or don't say), our actions, even by things we cannot control (like our partner's perceptions of our words and actions).

It is true that trust is a cornerstone of a good relationship, but so is forgiveness. Sadly the only real way to know if that cornerstone exists is to break the other one. Obviously I'm not saying that you should go out and do something bad just to see if you'll be forgiven. The first time we slip up in a relationship is always the scariest because we don't know exactly what's going to happen. There is also the feeling that the "innocence" has been lost from the relationship and that for some can be a very painful thing. The important thing to remember is that the test of a relationship often isn't how great things are when the seas are calm... but what happens when the seas are angry and we are at our worst.

No guy expects perfection out of their girlfriend (at least none that are going to be able to hold a relationship for any length of time) and trying to hold yourself to that standard isn't healthy. Most guys are going to be annoyed that you lied to them, but they will also be breathing a sigh of relief that it was over something as insignificant as this. Because they know that if you feel this bad over lying over a couple of drinks... that there's less chance they you'll do something *really* bad.

Listen to what Hope said... because you came clean shortly afterward vastly minimized any damage that was done. If he had found out himself... that would've been disasterous if he truly has trust issues. To be honest with you, this shouldn't be something he needs to pour over for days. If he has to then there is something else going on. Give him his space and try not to worry. No guy in their right mind would dump you over this.

[Spectre22]

Just act apologetic to him, tell him how sorry you are and how much he means to you, after that its in his hands

 

but a little nitpicking on my part, people keep saying the cliche'd "everyone makes mistakes" and, while that is true, it doesnt always apply to these situations, forgetting to rewind a video before you return it is a mistake, telling your bf you arent going to drink..and then going and drinking, thats a conscious choice that you didnt make by accident

 

also quick question, If you had truly had a bad day/week wouldnt you rather spend it with your boyfriend...?

[SoftSweetLady22]

I agree with your statement I did make the decision to drink. I should've been with him but he was entertaining at a party at his house, but I could have been by his side. Thank you for pointing that out. I need to reach out to him more...