so confused! what does he want? am i just being used?

[tangledlife]

My appologies for the long post...but i guess it wont make sense unless i give some background.

I was with my boyfriend for 3 years living together for 2 & a half yrs....until a couple months ago we ran into a lot of problems both finacially and in the relationship...so we decided to take a break from the relationship...

I started hanging out with two of my co-workers before\during this time and one of them was a nice single guy, really sweet...and when we first talked he said "so u probably have a man to go home to right?" and i replied yes, and we are living together. however we continued to hang out and remained friends. He called a few times a week and we would see eachother at work...or hang out whenever it came up, but when he became aware of the problems he offered to let me crash on his couch or basically do what he can to be there for me. Since we spent time together frequently he was often aware of the current situation with my b\f. After work one night i called him up and asked if he felt like drinking and chilling and he seemed really standoff-ish and told me to call back later etc. he had a bad habit of acting weird and being avoidant. for example when we would be together with our group of friends he would go out of his way to sit far away and do stupid *CENSORED* *CENSORED* *CENSORED* *CENSORED* like that...which made it feel really childish. (he is 24 btw.) So i did call back and we ended up drinking and hanging out all night. He sat down at one point and said we had to talk. He said he is very attracted to me, but doesnt think anything should happen between us becasue i need to get my life together relationship wise. He then proceeded to ask if i would like to spend the night because it was 3am and we had been drinking...i said okay and he said since nothing will happen between us, would u like to sleep upstairs in my bed. I agreed and not even 5 mins later he ended up coming on to me and we slept together. The morning was fine and we talked up a storm and everything was just peachy...no tension...no problems.

We went our separate ways and agreed to keep what happened quitet since we are co-workers.

we saw eachother here and there and still talked on the phone and did everything the same way...every now and then he would ask me how things have been between me and the b\f and we would talk about the situation to some degree. We spent another night chilling and it got late...and i was falling asleep so i asked if i could spend the night becasue of the time..and because i was happy sleeping where i was. he said it would be fine and i went to my buddies car to get my things for work. When i came back the lights were off and he was on the couch watching tv. i sat down to join him because i was sleeping there and we watched tv for 5 mins before his hand was on my leg etc. so we ended up in the bedroom and went to sleep just as we did the last time we spent the night together. The morning was much like the previous and everything was fine.

Things got weird after we played a game of poker and he started talking about how hot some chick is and how he wants to sleep with her. he stopped calling and i never really talked to him for a month. But to me why would i call someone to be ignored or chase him down and force him to be my friend. I could definitely tell something changed. and it was weird.

During this time the b\f and i decided to break up, due to situations and cicumstances. My friend had always given me relationship advice when we would seldom have deep conversations...he would talk to me about finances and bank accounts and basically he was moreless telling me what to do instead of just being there. That i chose to ignore...becasue he never really showed an interest in me, and it was too much to put my head around. After the 2nd time we had slept together the b\f had already known the situation and did not react with anger...much to my friends surprise. In the morning after the 2nd night i was wearing his shirt and he said "if u really want to piss the b\f off u can wear that home"

 

My "friend" recently started a convo at work and it was basically a long time no see conversation, when i mentioned stress he said "i told u to get out of it..u have to figure it out." and after that i replied well actually we split up a few weeks ago. He said he had no idea and i said thats cuz u dont talk to me. After a month goes by any1 would wonder...and i'm not going to chase u down. He said he was giving me "space" so he didnt influence my decisions about my relationship. We only had a few mins and i said i cant explain everything now but call sometime if u want or whatever. we said goodbye and it was to say the least interesting. A few days past by in which i heard from my other close co-worker friend the two of them were at my "friends" house and a couple girls were over. At work my "friend" was tlaking about some girl? and between the guys they talked and my "friend" was saying loudly how he talked to her on the phone etc..and another guy joked with him saying "leave her alone man!" i'm clueless to what any of it means...but i am not in a relationship with the guy so i have no right to ask or no reason to care. At work the same day me and him worked together and he had a lot to say to me just small talk u know and he said he had cigarettes he owed me or whatever. he jokingly pushed me around and was being helpful and nice all day, when time came to have a smoke he said get one of mine...they are in my jacket pocket. when we finished work thay day we finished our shift at the same time. He asked what my plans were i said not much really..and asked him the same. He said he wasnt doing much either...and asked if it would be okay if he calls me a bit later to possibly hang out. I said sounds good...and we ended up leaving at the same time so we walked down the street together till it was time to split up. He didnt call that night, and never really mentioned anything about it the next time worked aside from asking what i did last night and basically just small talk at work. I dont know what to make of this...i dont get him. I just wish i knew what he wants from me. I dont want to be a sex object. If he just wanted someone to sleep with okay, fine...but why a friend, a co-worker. why not some other chick. And if i was just sex to him why didnt things get weird sooner...if i was just sex...then why would he be saying the things he did about my relationship...and if he did want to ignore me and get on with his life, then why did he tell me he was giving me space so he didnt influence my decisions about my relationship. why did he say he would call and not call after all that? I just want to know whats going on with this guy. his actions are like night and day sometimes.

[ratherbesailing]

tangledlife -

 

I think you'd be getting much different signals if he was really interested in a serious relationship. It sounds like you have just been a convienent casual relationship for him. Ask him how he feels if you really want to but I'd focus your attention elsewhere.

[melrich]

From what you have posted it seems like this is a sex only thing for him.

 

I don't want to sound harsh but this is my reading of it. He saw someone (you) who was in a vulnerable position (relationship problems), put himself into the role of a confidant to get close to you and probably with the aim of sleeping with you.

 

Now I could be way wrong with that. That is just how I read the situation according to what you have posted.

[Hope75]

I agree with other posters. It sounds like he took advantage of your vulnerablility but has no intentions of getting serious with you. If this is not what you want, than I suggest you leave him be.

[behappy]

i think you already know the answer sweety

can i ask a question i am new to this how do i post a question//?

[Hope75]

go to the main forum page and in the upper right hand corner there is a blue button that says "New Topic".