"friends with benefits"/"cut friends"?

[1love2k5]

yeah. i have a question/statement. i had an ex of mine just two years ago, after like several times of splitting up, he would constantly talk about me being "friends with benefits" with me, but even after we split up several times, we would end up being "cut friends" or "friends with benefits",(same thing) and end up being a couple again. why do guys do that? why do they feel we always have to have a cut friend? i think it's very disrespectful, and i never liked it to begin with. doesn't that falls into the same category as a "player"? stuff like this really makes me wanna kill a man who always talks about being "personal friends" with someone. does anyone understands what i'm trying to say?

[melrich]

I think you are too concerned with putting people into categories. It does not matter what they are called, players, pimps etc. you should simply respond as you want to.

 

Don't want to be "cut friends" then don't be. Don't respect the person who asks you to be a "cut friend"? Then get them out of your life.

 

why do guys do that?

 

Not all men act like this. Neither do all men cheat.

 

It seems like you may hang out with a particular crowd where this sort of behaviour is peer driven perhaps.

[1love2k5]

yeah, you're probably right.

[1love2k5]

i personally don't think a person should just ramdomly have a cut friend with anybody, especially if they're friends with someone after a long-term relationship. i think it's pretty dumb.

[ShySoul]

Yes, not all guys are like that. Most actually want a committed relationship. You just happen to encounter those kinds of guys.

 

I think with the guy in question, there is some level of attraction even when you know you shouldn't be together. So it is easy to get lost in it and get closer again, even when you know it won't work out. If you don't want that, stand up for yourself and turn it down. He's going to keep going after it cause he gets the sex and no commitment. Whatever you want to call it... its still not cool.

 

Oh, thanks for adding the phrase "cut friend" to my vocabulary. Kids today with their crazy slang....

[tommyJ]

You know, I don't believe in the whole "friends with benefits" thing. How can you be "friends", have sex and still hang out without feelings. Someone always gets attached and it ends up ugly.

 

I have had one such friendship. We started out dating and then he said he was not as attracted to me as before (after one week of dating). We ended up doing the "F with B" thing where we would hang out, go to a pub and people would ask if we were a couple. He would say "no, just friends" and then would want to have anal sex with me that same night. Yuck.

 

I came to my senses and realized I would never do such a thing again. I could go on about guys I met who had the same intentions but I"ll save that for another post, LOL!

 

Good luck and respect yourself!

[minnie]

I am going through kinda the same thing too, i think you just have to be firm. You either want it or you dont. I dont want it, but its still happening, i know i sound stupid not taking my own advice, its the doing that is the hard part. That is what i have to put all my effort into now, but i always seem to fall back. If you both want it and have no problems thats fine, but there will come a time when soemone will get hurt - i my case it is me.

[trlblazer]

You both have this situation because you're looking for someone who has more attributes in a bf/gf than what the other has to offer yet you need some action in the meantime until you find that person. It also sounds like you have stronger feelings for him than he does for you. Tell him you're seeing someone else and want to end whatever the relationship is with your cut-friend so the new one can blossom. Either that or deal with the fact that you enjoy/need whatever it is he's offering and try not to put a label on it.

[1love2k5]

shysoul, you've never heard of that song "cut friends"?

[ShySoul]

1love2k5, my musical taste isn't very typical for someone my age. And after doing a quick search for the song, I see its not something I'd be into. But I'm always up for learning something new, and now I know to be careful if a girl wants to be a cut friend with me.

 

Ya, but I'm not totally unhip. I learned what badonkadonk means. (Whoo!!! I found a way to use the word badonkadonk in a post. Let's just hope people know what it means and I don't look like an idiot.)

[traz]

i personally don't think a person should just ramdomly have a cut friend with anybody, especially if they're friends with someone after a long-term relationship. i think it's pretty dumb.

 

I might be offensive here, and out of line, but I think "it takes 2 to tango" may apply somewhat...I see alot of blame being put on the males you've been with, but if you LET them get into a friends-with-benefits relationship with you, of course they're going to want to. You can't get mad at them for wanting it, and say its dumb, and then give in to what they want.

[1love2k5]

no, that's not what i was trying to say. what i meant was that some people in general think they can always have their cake and eat it too, but it shouldn't be that way. i never said that i wanted a cut friend, it just happens. i'm sure you've had cut friends too. just because i used to have cut friends, doesn't mean that i actually wanted it. i don't like the idea that i had cut friends. cut friends don't want anything else but to get laid, not just to hang out. i don't think anyone in this entire country can go on with life without getting laid by a friend (or even a loved one) some time in their life.

[novaseeker]

Nope.

 

I've never had a FWB type relationship. It would be too emotionally risky for me because I have a hard time separating emotions from sex, and when I get sexually involved my emotions also get involved, and it won't be a FWB thing for me any more, and I will end up getting hurt.

 

I'm skeptical that long-term FWB relationships don't result in one or the other party getting emotionally attached and then getting burned, but in theory it's at least possible for it to work. It just doesn't make any sense to me because of the way I am emotionally wired.