Here I go again...please help...

[vulnerable]

Hi to you all. I am in need of help again, yes for those of you who have read my previous posts... I have been with this guy for three long years and things are getting worse and worse again. To sum up a long story, you name it, he has done it – from lying to cheating to violence… and yes I am still living with him. I would have walked away a lot sooner but I am now pregnant with his child and I don't know what to do anymore. He has completely changed and I feel so unwanted around him. Every time we have a talk, I have not failed on telling him that it is best that I just leave because of the stress that I am in putting up with his behavior. Yes, call me stupid, but I love him a lot, I do but I feel that I have lost every bit of patience I have always had. I know that I just need to walk away, but every time that I do, he begs me to stay for the baby. I don't know what to do anymore. I have tried my very best to stay and try to work things out but he is just a difficult person to get along with. Not only that the love is gone on his side, he also does not want to make love to me any more. I asked him why he stopped wanting me, he said that he just has a lot of things on his mind. So I said, we need a break … I mean a loonng break so that I can take care of my self and the baby (I am only 4 weeks). I know this may sound crazy, although I am ready to leave him at anytime, part of me is crying inside that we cannot work things out esp. now that we are going to be parents. I am also having a hard time letting go. But I came to this site, hoping to get more encouragement and advice. Please help me, I am hurting and I shouldn't because of my condition. I love him with all my heart but if he no longer wants me then I must leave, but he continues to tell me that he never said that he doesn't want me, he just needs time to recuperate from every thing that happened in the past and that I should stay so we can work things out but I feel that I am the only one trying. I can't do this anymore… please advise…

[melrich]

Vulnerable,

 

Can you see any way this is going to work out with him? If so, tell us how you think this might possibly work out with him.

[vulnerable]

I have been thinking alot about that... the only way this will work if he snaps out of his unacceptable behavior but only him can change him. Not me, every time I am packing to leave for good, he starts begging me and telling me that I WILL BREAK HIS HEART SO MUCH for not letting him be a part of this pregnancy. He says that we will work things out, but you see I am hurting too and for me to have put up with so much in the past, I have no room left to deal with anything else but to try and stay healthy and happy to get through this. I love him too and I swear I don't have the heart to break his heart. Am I being selfish if I walk away now? I demand NO CONTACT FROM HIM UNTIL after the baby is born. I just don't want anymore drama. He doesn't want me anymore then let me go than make us both miserable, right?

[melrich]

the only way this will work if he snaps out of his unacceptable behavior

 

That is probably right. So how long has he been behaving like this? Do you think it is a personality thing or some stress he is going through just at the minute?

 

If it were me, I'd leave him today. I wouldn't even listen to what he says. Words are cheap.

 

I'm not going to make too many assumptions about the guy except to say he sounds like a piece of work.

 

You are right, he has to change his behaviour. It is up to him. Leave him and let him work on himself if he is motivated enough to. Re-assess his progress in a few months if that is where you are at then.

[Dating Coach]

Advice? What can I say other than leave the guy? He is ruining your life!! Can't you see that? He says that you need to stay with him for the child? Um, no. You need to leave for the child, and you need to leave for yourself. A child growing up around an unhappy family is going to do a lot of damage. Staying is going to ruin your life.

[vulnerable]

You're absoloutely right Thanks for your advice. I have arranged to move out this evening ...Please pm me at anytime... any support is greatly appreciated...

[lovecrazy]

Babydoll! I am so sorry this BOY is doing this to you! Some Men are scum of the earth!

 

But its not about you anymore you have to do what is right for you baby! You have to take care of your baby, and you! If he wants to be apart of the baby's life tell him! He is going to have to jump through hoops, to prove himslef. Cause like the old saying goes once a cheater always a cheater!

 

It honestly sounds to me that its time to move on! I know it is hard, but you can do so much better ! There are plenty of men out there who dont cheat or say hurtful things, or hurt you physically!

 

My sister finally learned that, (she was in an abusive relationship for about 2 years) and now she is dating a guy who treats her like a queen!!!!!!!!