Do you think she still wants to hangout or is she trying to avoid me?

[Lion-Guy]

Ok so I met this girl a few weeks ago.

 

We have gone out a few times. Nothing too romantic. Don't really want a relationship right now, just trying to make friends and have some fun with her.

 

We went out Christmas shopping on Sat night and had a great time. We talked no-stop, laughed a lot and she really seemed to be having a good time getting in the Christmas spirit. I really enjoyed her company as well.

 

When I dropped her off for the night SHE asked what I was doing tomorrow. I said I had a few things to do in the morning but other than that I was free. I told her to look up something that she wanted to do and give me a call tomorrow and she said ok. (I always pick the stuff to do so I thought I would give her the chance to choose something this time)

 

I called her around noon and told her I was done with my stuff is she wanted to hangout, but she never called. Then tonight I got a message from her. She apologized for being MIA but said we would talk soon and to the call her whenever.

 

Do you think she still wants to hangout or is she trying to avoid me? Am I reading into this too much? Maybe I just need to give it some space and call in a few days. Any advice? thanks

[heloladies21]

If she wasn't interested she wouldn't have even texted you. Play it straight up with no games.

[kristo]

Lion-Guy,

 

Go with your heart. I had a situation with this girl that I was seeing, but WE decided to be friends. She would ask me what I was doing and I would say that I'm free. I started noticing over a period of time that she would regularly blow me out or not follow up with a confirmation on whether we were gonna meet or not. Sometimes I would also get the "See you soon" and the "call me whenever you're free" comments too. Please note that I was hyper aware of not pestering her and giving her space... she initiated most of the meetings.

 

The last time I communicated with her, she sent me a text to thank me for a birthday card that I sent to her. SHE said that maybe we could meet during the week for a drink, but she didn't know what her work schedule was like and would get back to me once she figured out what days she was working. Up to this point, I gave her the benefit of the doubt, but after this I just wrote her off for good. Her family was coming to visit her from out of town that week and I distinctly remember her saying that she could only book 3 days off work when she started her new job back in September. I didn't expect nor ask her to make time for me especially as her mom and brother were only here for a few days. That was just over 3 weeks ago and I have not heard from her since. No problem for me, as I had already prepared myself and started the healing process.

 

I would let her phone you next time.

 

I've come to realise that some girls/ guy's act in such a way to tick the other person off, because they don't have the guts to let them know that they aren't interested in them romantically or don't want to hang out with them anymore… for whatever reason. Eventually the other person can't handle the constant let downs from the other person and they let go. I've seen examples on this forum and it's happened to me.

 

It's early days yet and it's only the first time that she has done this. I would let her phone you next time. You aren't interested in a relationship and haven't invested any emotions into this. It's not game playing. It's just putting the ball in her court.

[kellbell]

Hi Lion-Guy!

 

Glad to read you are going out and enjoying yourself! No, I don't she is avoiding you at all, she called and apologized, that is a good sign! I would wait for a few days, it's up to her to call at this point and from you wrote, I am sure you will hear from her within the next few days. Just try to take a deep breath and relax. You have been through a lot this year, give yourself a break. Take care and let us know how everything turns out.

[Lion-Guy]

Thanks for the replies.

 

From your replies it sounds like she is still interested but I just need to give her some space and let her call me. It is just funny that she said call me whenever and I am going to wait for her to call me? I guess that will show me if she is really interested or not, right Kristo? I figured she just wanted to hangout with her roomates or friends since they were gone for the holidays, but it would have been nice if she just called and let me know.

 

You are right KellBell I have gone through a lot these past two months, but I am trying to put myself out there and get over the ex. Hanging out with this new girl really made me feel good and forget about the ex. But then after she didn't want to hangout yesterday it brought back similar feelings. I decided that I still need to work on being happy and satisfied by myself and not looking for happiness by finding someone else. Because, as most of us have seen, these people will not always be there for us. I want to be my own pillar of strength and not have to lean on someone for that.

 

I will let you know what happens this week. Take care

[kristo]

It is just funny that she said call me whenever and I am going to wait for her to call me? I guess that will show me if she is really interested or not, right Kristo?

 

That particularly struck a chord with me. LOL. To an extent yes, It still early days yet and Kellbell is right in saying that she will probably phone you. I read somewhere on this forum today that some girls have a rule where they wait until the guy phones 3 times before they respond to gauge how interested they are. I DON'T agree with that at all, but you need to be aware that some girls are like that.

 

For the time being, try not to get too hung up on it, carry on healing nicely and do let us know what happens .

 

Cheers,

 

K

[Lion-Guy]

I read somewhere on this forum today that some girls have a rule where they wait until the guy phones 3 times before they respond to gauge how interested they are.

 

 

Wow that is one stupid rule. I would get no where with someone like that.

 

Anyhow, she did end up calling back on Thursday. It turned out that she had to fly to a few places for interviews and was busy out of town. Then she said she would call me last night and never called again? Ahhh...if she does that again I will probably give up on her. At least call people and tell them you can't hangout.

 

Anyway, I invited her to join me on Sunday to an event with some friends and she sounded excited to come. I have a feeling that she is just really busy with work and school, which are her prioroties right now. After having a GF for 3 years I am just used to being able to call the girl and having them call you back that day. I think I forgot how this whole dating game works. Wait a few days, then call back and don't act too interested.

[Jadtt]

Well, my first question is did you express to her that you were not interested in a relationship and just wanted to have a friendship? If you did not, then shame on you. Irrespective of whether or not you believe this, many women will automatically assume that you are interested in "dating" if you ask her on a date, they most likely will not assume you just want to be friends and aren't ready for a relationship.

 

I think you might be reading into this situation too much, people have their own lives and often run into situations where they can't keep plans or call, it happens to me all the time and it is not representative of my lack of interest when it does happen.

 

It is important to note, however, that if you have not been upfront and honest with her, she might be picking up on your feelings intuitively and, as such, is slightly ignoring you.

 

I would have to say in this situation, if you have not been upfront with her, you better do so immediately. There is nothing worse than an emotionally unavailable man who is not looking for a relationship getting involved with a woman who is attracted to him and is looking for a relationship. I would have to say that in many situations, this turns into a devastating mess, but that is just my personal experience. A man actually did this with me and was not honest about his true intentions from the beginning (i.e. he wasn't looking for a relationship), long story short---there was much confusion, turmoil, emotional battles and hurt feelings, which all could have been avoided if he was completely honest with me.

 

Kudos to you for getting out there though! There is nothing better after a break up than putting yourself out there and realizing, even if you aren't ready for a relationship, that there is much potential out there for you to enjoy!

[Lion-Guy]

I appreciate you insight Jadtt.

 

You are right. Shame on me for not letting her know what I am thinking. At first I didn't really want a relationship with her because I was afraid of getting shot down. But honestly, I am intersted in a relationship with this girl. I just didn't want to push her away as a friend if she wasn't interested in me like that. I have invited her out to the bars a few times to meet my friends and we went christmas shopping together in the city. But so far nothing along the lines of a real date.

 

I am going to ask her if I can take her out to dinner tonight. Hopefully that way she will understand how I am feeling. Friends don't usually ask other friends out to dinner right? If she turns me down, then I will most likely know that she isn't interested in dating.

[HerMajestyEsq]

Most women don't say "call me sometime" if they don't want you to. I'd give her a call back, and if you get no response (a.k.a. put the ball in her court and she doesn't return it) I'd hold off for awhile. Don't lose all hope, just hang back on calling for at least another week or two.

[Jadtt]

My friends ask me out to dinner a lot, but I already know that they are my friends...so I guess that doesn't really answer you're question now that I think about it. In any case, just be upfront when you ask her and let her know you are asking her out on a "date".

 

It's funny, normally women can pick up on whether or not you are interested in them for something more than just friends. However, it is still very important for you to communicate exactly what you are interested in. If she isn't interested in dating, then I guess you could remain her friend as long as you recognize that, if you develop further feelings for her, it could turn into an uncomfortable situation for you.

 

To address the fear of being shot down, I would like to let you know that a woman loves a man who is confident, not cocky, but confident. Never let your fear of rejection get in the way of pursuing something you are genuinely interested in. You must learn to realize that, even if a woman rejects you, it doesn't mean that you aren't "good enough" or that you aren't a great catch, it simply means that she isn't interested and that it probably wouldn't have worked out anyway. I honestly appreciate a man who knows what he wants and is willing to approach me and be upfront about it. On the contrary, a man that doesn't exhibit some level of confidence or self-esteem is not attractive in my eyes.

 

Good luck on your dinner date and I do hope everything works out well for you. At a minimum, you will be at least getting out there and socializing with the opposite sex on some level, and after a break-up there is nothing better than this to help rebuild yourself again.

 

 

[Lion-Guy]

Wooohoo!!!! Nothing but good things to report back. I conjured up the nerve to ask her on a date after reading Jadtt’s comments. I made sure that I used the word “date” so that she knew I was interested in more than just friends. Anyhow, she was excited to go out and left what she was doing to go home and great ready. I was so relieved to hear that she was excited to go and didn’t make any excuses.

 

I took her to a really nice restaurant and we had a great conversation. Afterwards, we were supposed to meet up with friends but ended up going back to my place to watch a movie together. Since it was our first real date I felt a little awkward trying to make a move to kiss her, so I just left her with a nice hug. It is weird how after getting out of a long relationship you forget what is appropriate and what might be moving too fast. I feel like I am learning to date all over again. It is very exciting. I love it. How many dates do you usually wait before you give them a kiss?

[kellbell]

Hey there Lion!!

 

I am so glad things worked out for you! Yay!! Maybe a few dates to wait to kiss but do what feels right to you. I am glad things worked out for you. Thanks for the update! Take care.