HELP- When HIS friends are ruining everything!!!

[SALLY_ANNE]

I am completely in love with my man even though we have only been together for just over 6 months. Whilst I try and get along with his friends because they are a part of who he is I am finding it really difficult to like one of his friends especially. This so called friend of his is always telling him to do things with other girls that I see as cheating. He even says these things when I'm right there and can clearly hear him. Stuf Like " Hey (my boyfriend) you should see how many of the chicks at work can send you nude pictures of themselves" or he's trying to show my boyfriend porn of which I am very much against. His behaviour really gets to me and the stuff I've witnessed only makes me wonder what he's trying to get him to do when I'm not there. Not that I don't trust my boy but I just don't like the fact that his friend his trying to influence him with this crap. To make matters worse we all went out the other night with my friend there as well. Now she has a rather large chest and flaunts it more than she should and my boyfriends friend was obviously dumfounded by this and he couldn't stop gawking all night. Then when we were all there (me, my boyfriend, his friend and my friend) he said "hey (my friend) you should hook up with (my boyfriend). it be so cool he'd really like it" then the w**ker puts his arm around me, starts to take me away and says "come on honey you don't need to see this". I couldn't believe it. I wanted to beat the life out of him. what a nerve!! i had to walk away so I didn't hit him and stoop to his low level. My boyfriend thought I was mad at him and said "so you're leaving me?" and I replied "no I'm just removing myself as far away from your friend before I do something I'll regret later" apparently my boyfriend said something to him about it then came and found me and told me he would "deal with his friend later"

 

WHAT DO I DO???? I really love my man but I can't stand him hanging around such filth of a friend. He wasn't only disrespecting me, he was disrespecting my friend and my boyfriend. WHAT DO I DO????

[7CardStud]

Time to sit down and talk to ur boyfriend... I think if he loves u he will help solve the problem with u.

 

Both of you will have to compromise

[SALLY_ANNE]

I've spoken to my boy about this before and he just dismisses it as his friend trying to rile me up and that I shouldn't worry bout it. he admits that he went too far this time but doesn't agree that the stupid comments he makes on a regular basis are worth worrying about. My point is I really don't like this guy. I don't like his moral values (he has none) and I don't want soemone like that having any influence on my man. i think the friends you surround yourself with show what sort of person you are and if he wants to surround himself with a person that I really cannot stand what does that say about my boy? As I said who knows what his friend is trying to make him do while they're out without me. I just don't know whether I can handle him going out with his friend knowing he behaves like this. And should he continue going out with his friend do I want to make a stand and walk???

[RayKay]

Well, it is really your boyfriend whom has to stand up and say something to his friend. Now he may fear doing so, and he also may be "used to it" so not see it the same way you do, so you need to sit down and calmly tell him how horrible it makes you feel when his friend treats you that way. And then it is your BOYFRIENDS choice as to whether he will stand for it anymore or not, and YOUR choice what to do if he does not tell his friend to knock off his poor treatment of you.

 

There is no way I would allow ANY friend of mine to disrespect my partner like that, and nor should he allow any of his friends to do the same to me.

 

The bottom line is, if you trust your boyfriend, don't worry so much about this friend. It sounds like he is an attention seeker, and I doubt your boyfriend respects his opinions very much on the matter.

 

Now if your boyfriend does seem to go along with the poor treatment his friend shows you after this talk about how much it bothers with you, then I think it is your choice what to do. Granted, you can stay away from his friend as much as possible, but if you are worried about him hanging around this guy when you are not there, that comes down to a trust issue. If your guy is trustworthy, is friend can say anything he wants, your boyfriend should be confident enough in himself to make decisions for himself.

[SALLY_ANNE]

So good news- has been 5 days since this last incident and have spoken several times to my boyfriend about how he was going to "deal" as he put it with his friend. I was concerned that he wasn't saying anything to him and he was hoping the subject would be forgotten. He told me that he was not going to confront his friend straight away because he would have gone "yeah yeah whatever" and not taken him seriously. Which is fair enough. So he said he is letting him think over what he has done and then he'll bring it up at an appropriate time where he will take the matter more seriously rather than dismissing it straight up. so i am happy. he says he's going to deal with it in a way he's thinks will get through to his friend so i will trust him and hope that he follows through. i just hope that he can stand up to him should his friend continue to behave this way and there is no-one i.e. me there to show how wrong the behaviour is. time will tell but for now my man seems to have taken me seriously and is dealing with the situation as he sees fit. Thanks for all the comments.