Feeling alone...

[Butter_fly]

Hello...

 

I feel kind of silly writting this here... but I feel as though I have no one else to talk to about this. And it's not even something that is all that major either... i just like to make mountains out of mole hills. But I'll give it a shot anyhow.

 

Well, I don't exactly have the ideal body type. I'm quite aware of that. And i have been trying so hard to slim down, and become a healthier person. I went close shopping last week and I was delighted to find out that I dropped four sizes. That was pretty cool. As I have been doing this I was also finding a lot of self confidence that I never really had. Things were going great.

 

However, I left a few days ago to spend a week in Toronto, Canada with one of my really close friends. We have been keeping in touch, and the new me that i have been working hard to get was shining through in our telephone calls, and letters. But when I got here things are a different story.

 

I seem to have reverted back into the person that I was before I started making all these changes in myself. And to top it all off, I feel as though any improvements I made seem to have flown out the window. We went shopping at the Eaton's Center. (Even though I have droped in size, I still have some to go) And there are hardly any stores that have sizes available to me. My friend is a size one. So we go into these stores, and the sales ladies look through me, to her and ask her what they could do for her. It's either that or I get these looks saying "Why are you here? You know perfectly well that none of our clothes would fit you."

 

It's like all my past insecurites came rushing back. And my friend, she's sweet but sometimes really naive. She tries to encourage me to try on these really cool clothes... but she just doesn't understand that they don't have my size. Of course she doesn't really know how painful going through this for me is. I can't talk to her about this. She just wouldn't understand.

 

She's gone for a while... and I have a few hours to myself... and I can't help but feeling so incredably alone in this. I know that most people don't think that this would be such a big deal... but it is to me. I had thought that I dealt with these emotions earlier. But they seemed to have reared their ugly head, and are back. I have no idea how to get rid of these emotions... Lord knows I have tried.

 

I don't really know what I expect from any of y'all either... it's just a comfort to type it all out...

[princepesa2]

Hey Butter_fly,

 

Don't feel so alone in this. There are lots of people who feel exactly the same way you do. But you should feel happy with your body no matter what size. All sizes, shapes and colours are beautiful.

 

You should try though and explain to your friend how you feel. She might understand if you gave her a chance.

 

If you don't feel comfortable talking to her about it though, ask her to take you shopping along Queen St. W. There are tons of funky stores that sell clothing in all sizes. If you've never been down that way, it's also just a fun area to walk around in.

 

Or maybe you could suggest that you two do other things together that you both could enjoy?

 

Take care of yourself and respect yourself - inside and out.

[winkie]

PLEASE YOU DROPPED 4 SIZES AND THAT IS AMAZING AND YOU SHOULD FEEL SO PROUD OF YOURSELF. I AM A VERY SLIM PERSON AND I ALWAYS HAVE TO HEAR THAT I AM SO SKINNY AND IT BOTHERS ME. I DO NOT THINK THAT PEOPLE KNOW THEY ARE BEING MEAN AND IF THEY DO THEN YA KNOW WHAT THEY ARE NOT EVEN WORTH GETTING UPSET OVER. LOOK WHAT YOU HAVE ACCOMPLISHED I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST.

[cruisin]

Butter_fly,

 

Bravo to you for writing here with your feelings. No need to feel silly. What you're feeling is totally normal. Millions of girls have the same feelings. And I was one of them.

 

You're doing great, becoming more of the person you want to be, taking care of yourself and being assertive and gaining confidence. Slipups, tests of life will happen all the time. And they're going to keep happening even if you're a size 1 someday. Size 1, my God! You do make it rough on yourself with a friend that tiny. Oh, and salespeople, forget them. Some of them are just so petty and problematic. If the store doesn't carry your size, that's their loss. If some salesgirl seems to be giving you those looks, just say (in your head if you like) "Oh, honey, get real! Look around you sweetpea and see the reality. People come in ALL sizes, not just in those sizes hanging in your measly hole of a shop!"

 

Remember stores are there to cater to customers, to SELL clothes, so if they can't sell you something it's their problem, not yours. Go to stores who are there for all sizes of girls.

 

Feeling good about where you are now is ultra-important. It doesn't mean you have to like being where you are but you have the right to look the best you can and feel the best you can no matter what size you are.

 

You say your friend wouldn't understand but she might. You can always try. At least she can know what you're feeling even if she doesn't really understand it. I don't think she's trying to hurt you by asking you to try on cool clothes. People of all sizes can look good, but it all depends on how they feel. She probably doesn't think you'd look bad in the clothes. So give her credit. Being naive is a good thing sometimes. Feel good and you'll look good. Ok, maybe not to all people and so many people are stuck with just one picture in their head of what looks good but again, that's their loss.

 

Those ugly emotions, whatever, don't worry about them. They'll always rear their ugly head in the future. Just go, "Oh, you again. Get the heck out of here, will you!?" Don't worry about why they come back. They just do. Brush 'em off. You know what's important.

 

Good luck to you kid. Remember, there's always more than what meets the eye. If there isn't, well, again, those are the people who need help.

[ivymisstress88]

First off my dearest butterly, from what you've written, you're...amazing. Ok, first off, not many people can admit there insecurites. And it's awsome that you can write it all out and, just get comfort from doing that, but back to business. if you're happy with the way you look, with yourself, than you should just give all those other people a big because if your happy, then you don't need people bringing you down. I do that too much, it blows. But anyway, just because those stores weren't "acceptable" doesn't mean that all of the windows were closed. Ya' know, you are truly blessed to have lost that much weight period. I mean, it's mind boggleing I could never do that. Just, all that stuff that's going on inside your mind, erase it, because if you could accompish so much, and express the way you feel, then you're more beutiful than carmen electra, than anybody. I hope that helped. Life's too short to worry about other peoples blindness

 

Ivy