Questioning Body Language (in general)

[CathGilmour]

I'd like to start a discussion questioning body language. So much of the material we read about body language and flirting claims that it is an inviolable indication of a person's true feelings, and that it comprises as much as 50 percent (or more) of communication. I wonder if anyone ever thinks to question this figure, or the methodology that produced this.

 

However I'd like to make it clear that I don't want to discount body language.

I think it is important, in concert with a person's tone of voice and facial expression. I've posted a thread about it! I won't deny it interests me greatly, but I just find it supremely frustrating in a romantic context.

 

For example many articles I've read on flirting and body language include the hastily-added caveat that you should always consider a body language signal in context, or else stress clusters of signs or the infamous "rule of four." However, in real life these recommendations are very difficult to implement because of:

 

- the impact of mood (notoriously transient and difficult to gauge the cause of)

 

- signals that are due to habit

 

- level of self-esteem

 

- the ease with which one can confuse signals of friendliness with signals for physical attraction, considering that many (leaning in, smiling, body orientation, touching) are the same

 

And most importantly, the fact that no single signal has a fixed meaning. One signal usually has multiple meanings!

 

Moreover, I firmly believe that body language can be manipulated to an extent. Anyone who has experienced a tease (either male or female) can attest to this.

 

There is also the issue of so-called 'masking' body language signals (i.e. friendly signals that are used to mask less friendly ones). One of the best examples of this is laughing and smiling.

 

Most articles on body language and flirting say that laughter is an important part of attraction, and yet I have read one academic article that states that laughter can also be used for deception, or even as a sign of dislike! Most also stress the importance of smiling. However this raises the issue of sincere versus insincere or "social" smiling.

 

Overall, I guess my beef is not with body language per se but with the authors of articles on flirting and body language. I think by downplaying the complexity of body language, these well-meaning people are doing us all a great disservice!

[goddess23]

agreed, that body language is difficult to interpret in a number of circumstances. however, actions speak louder than words, and it doesnt take a rocket scientist to understand "hmm...this person just aint feeling me". even if someone is shy, they will not PULL AWAY unless you did somehting inappropiate. body language is very important, but we can never give ourself advice, right? so sometimes interpretting these VERY SIMPLE SIGNS becomes an anayltical 2 hours. as long as your HONEST WITH YOURSELF (which isnt always easy), body language is a clear sign of how someone feels unless their mood is REALLY not good because they just went through a traumatic experience. but other than that, body language is the best indicator.

[ducky]

I agree.

 

It is frustrating! Most books agree that body language can only be properly interpreted in a subjective context. Yet, these same books go on to teach us how to interprete body language objectively, i.e. without taking into considering elements like personality, setting, mood etc...

 

So how do we ever learn to read body language in a subjective context? I guess the best teacher is experience. Making mistake after mistake, you'll finally stumble upon the essense of accurately reading body language!

 

Just my 2 cents.

[darkblue]

Yes, there are multiple reasons, and meanings, for body language.

It should never be used on its own; to judge someone's intentions. But it can be used to aid your decision making.

 

Example:

If a girl has been friendly to you all night, is now playing with her hair, pointing her feet in your direction and maintaining eye contact - you may use those signals to decide whether or not she is interested in you - and if you should 'make a move'.

 

However, if a girl has been rather indifferent throughout the night, and is now licking her lips - it does not necessarily mean she is thinking "I want you!".

 

There is a balance, and I believe it should only be used in conjunction with what you already know - to help you hear, what she is not saying.