Shyness Tips

[OneConfusedGuy]

I've been trying to converse with people that I don't know too well and it's rough. I was just wondering if anyone could offer some advice? I know the best thing to do is go out there and do it, but I've been trying for what seems like such a long time to get over my extreme shyness and it just doesn't seem to be getting any easier... especially with women. I always give off the signal that I am uninterested, which I'm not. It's so frustrating.

[archerz03]

It can be really hard to have a conversation with people that you don't know well. One thing you could do is prep for it. Think of questions beforehand to ask. When you actually talk to them, make sure to look at them. Don't make faces like you are bored or sleepy. Pay attention when they talk. Smile if needed.

[OmegaMan]

Getting practice certainly helps. I say follow your gut feeling as well. Immerse yourself in social environment, and you will soon figure out how it all works out. Here´s one piece of advice: People are people. It may sound silly, but remember that we´re all alike deep down, despite our differences.

 

Practice, practice, practice!

 

Omega

[meadow8]

I think it's good to find a common subject between you and the person you're talking to and run with it. It's always hard to talk to someone new. I'm not sure it's easy for anyone. But I think the people that are good at it are the ones who make you feel comfortable and can talk about anything. I think if you come off nervous or fumbling or petrified, that gets the conversation off on a bad note.

 

Try to relax, don't be so concentrated on WHAT you're going to say but HOW you're saying it. Talk about the weather, the party, the news... anything. And what I've learned over the years in a lot of areas is that confidence is 95% of the battle. If you say something like you mean it, people listen. Mumbling and sheepish, to the average person, unfortunately comes off as uninterested, unknowing, etc - even if it's completely untrue.

 

Maybe you could start out at social gatherings that involve a mutual interest- like a club, group, class, etc? Good luck!

[ShySoul]

One, don't look at it as something you have to overcome. This puts pressure on yourself to talk to people and converse and makes you more aware of what you are doing. You think so much about not being shy, about what to say or do, that you can't just be you. You are getting frustrated because you are so focused on this one thing. That makes you nervous, you can't talk like you want, and you just get upset with yourself for not succeeding.

 

Two, don't plan anything. Don't even think about it. Just talk. Say what is on your mind.

 

Three, the mutual interest thing is good. If you have trouble speaking to strangers (and I don't blame ya for that), then find something where you have a common starting ground. That gives you one thing to talk about, and if you are passionate about that subject, your uneasiness will slip away much quicker. From there the conversation will naturally flow. Just don't let yourself think about things other then the conversation at hand. Live in the moment.

[unicornq]

I had the same problem of being extremely shy and had a hard time talking to people (esp. strangers in gatherings). But I finally overcome it and I find one trick particularly useful. That is to ask questions.

 

It's quite important to keep the conversation going on and avoid awkward silences. So asking questions is a good strategy. Because:

1. Asking questions shows that you are somewhat interested in the person you're talking to.

2. After you ask a question, the other person has to be the one who speaks, so you avoid putting too much pressure on yourself for trying to speak.

3. The answer of one question can naturally lead to another question. Or can give you some hints on what to talk about next.

 

Hope this helps.

[OneConfusedGuy]

Thanks for your time everyone. Going out there and doing is the best thing to do... and it's very hard for me to do it. I've made atleast one step though, going out and trying it. I will keep everyone's advice close athand. Thanks again!