Is this a sign of jealousy? why?

[renaissancewoman101]

In an earlier posting I had talked about going to Fur Fest to meet up with my friend since she invited me to that thing. I had also mentioned that my ex was going to be there with his new gf. My friend, who is also good friends with the ex, she invited me to the thing and when I told her that the ex might be upset about it, she said it was a public event and if she wanted to invite me to it, it was her problem NOT his.

 

I went yesterday and on Friday, the first day of the Fest, my friend had told my ex that I was going to show up on Sat. He said he was ok with it just as long as I didnt start anything with him. My friend told me that I was going there to hang out with her because I wanted to make friends and I wanted her company and she asked me to come. I wasnt planning on confronting the ex.

 

Guess what, the ex ended up confronting my friend on Sat about me being there even though on Friday he told her that he was ok with it. I did nothing to provoke the confrontation. I did not seek him out or hunt for him. My main goal was to hang out with my friend. When I had got to the hotel where the Fest was, I called my friend to tell her that I was there. She had me meet her in the smoking area (because she smokes), when I got there, she told me that she had told my ex I was coming and that he was ok with it just as long as I didnt confront him or follow him around. She then called my ex to let him know I was around. I wasnt there to confront the ex so I didnt care that she let him know I was here. I could see the practicality of it. Actually, I was in a very good mood yesterday. I am planning to move to San Diego, CA and yesterday, I made the first step to do that. I put a deposit down on an apartment in San Diego ($650 deposit and $40 credit check fee), the lease beginning Dec 15th. If I get the apartment I am moving out there. I was proud of myself for actually taking the first step to doing it. I am hoping everything works out. Also, because I was in a good and happy mood, I put on makeup and dressed decently before going to the Fest. I was in a good, friendly and outgoing mood. My friend picked it up and was happy to see that I was outgoing and friendly at the Fest.

 

My friend, her husband and I went out to dinner and we had a great time. My friend then asked me to stay and hang out with her in the smoking area. I stayed, chatted with her, watched her knit, and talked to some of the other people hanging out there. One guy was interested in me and made out with me most of the night. Another guy complemented me that I look cute, esp since I was Asian. Those comments and the guy who was making out with me made me feel good about myself.

 

I had no idea that my ex was lurking around, and since he smokes, he likes to hang out in the smoking section. BUT, there are smoking sections at the Fest and they are right accross from each other. He could have hung out at the other section. Instead, he waited till I got up and went to use the bathroom (this was around 1:30 AM) then he went and confronted my friend (who is also his friend). The ex was also drunk. He went and confronted her and asked her why I was still here and that he wasnt happy I was here and why the hell did I come because I am not into Fur Fest (I went with him to Fur Fest last year and didnt like it, so I told him I wasnt going to go back with him again for the whole weekend). He literally was losing his temper in a drunken fit of rage at her, that I was still there. Not only did my friend hear the tirade, but the other people sitting in the smoking section heard everything and they were able to verify everything she told me. While he was doing this, I came out of the restroom and saw him. He quickly skulked away. I asked my friend what happened and she told me that he came and confronted her about why I was still there and hanging out wtih her and having a good time. He was mad that I was having a good time at Fur Fest since as he says "I am not into these things then why I show up". She was mad at him that he reacted that way since when she talked to him yesterday about me showing up, he was ok with it, and she told him, if he didnt want me to show up, to tell her, and she would call me and tell me not to come and I wouldnt have come. She told him on Friday, that it was ok. I was pissed and I told my friend that if he was that upset about it, I would just go even though it was almost 2 AM. I wasnt out to cause trouble. She told me to stay and have fun because I was having fun. She thinks the ex saw that I was having fun and that a guy was interested in me and making out with me, that my ex wasnt happy about that and wanted to ruin it for me. She tells me it is his fault for being drunk and acting like a drunken child who is throwing a temper tantrum that I am having fun.

 

So things were fine for a while. I was still sitting next to the guy who was interested in me and making out with him. He made me feel good about myself (I wasnt looking for anything like dating) and life was great. My ex had meanwhile gone to the other smoking section that is right accross from ours. Then, my friend's son (who is a good friend of my ex's) went and called her over and had a talk with her. They were talking animately and she seemed pissed. When she came back, she was fuming. She told me that the ex was complaining to her son that I was here and that he wasnt happy I was here and that he was angry. He was throwing a fit. He could also see that I was happy, enjoying myself, and enjoying some attention from a guy. Her son was just trying to keep the ex from losing his temper and confronting me or doing something stupid in his drunken state. I again reiterated that I could go if it would calm the situation down. She said NO, DONT GO. THIS IS HIS DOING. IF HE WANTS TO BE MAD ABOUT YOU BEING HERE

 

I ended staying the night with the guy that was making out with me. We did some sexual things (not the actual sex act), which was ok. It helped to boost my ego that someone CAN be attracted to me.

 

I will see my lady friend again this weekend for Thanksgiving stuff.

 

Why do you think the ex acted the way he did????? I didnt make the move for a confrontation AT ALL

[RandomAdvisor]

I think your friend had a pretty good handle on the situation. I don't know any of the circumstances regarding your breakup, but it sounds like your ex isn't over you yet. Maybe if you hadn't been making out with another guy he wouldn't have reacted so badly if at all, but that was definitly some very thick icing on the cake.

 

If he had a problem with you being there, he should have politely said so beforehand and politely asked that you not come. Not that he could have prevented you from coming anyway - it was a public event. But he said nothing. If he was upset that night, he probably will be for some time to come. Not because of his jealousy for you being with another guy - but because he made a total fool of himself.

[renaissancewoman101]

Anybody else have an opinion about this? Just want to understand what might be going through the head of the ex. Also, I want to know why an ex would get jealous and so freaking mad at you if you make out with a guy considering you and the ex are not together anymore because the ex broke up with you and moved on to find a new gf????