How do i end it with minimal damage?

[Mamasita]

I have a friend (Dylan) from uni that i have maintained contact with all these years (about 6 years) and recently he told me that he had always been in love with me etc. and that he knows he wants to be with me forever. at first i was flattered and entertained the notions of it but reality quickly set in. Im in a relationship now and we have a child together. Although my relationship is having its ups and downs and i dont intend to stay with him, i dont want to start anything else - especially before this one is over.

 

So Dylan keeps telling me he is in love with me and wants to move to melb to be with me and is aiming for Feb, i dont want him to come, i dont even want to keep on with the kinds of conversations we are having. i have asked him not to talk about moving or anything romantic anymore until i have actually ended my current relationship etc. but the reality is i dont even want to continue having these conversations AT ALL.. If/when i do break up with my boyfriend - i just want some single time, or me time - i dont want to jump right into another relationship.

 

So how can i tell Dylan that i dont want to continue this without hurting his feelings to badly? he tells me im the only happiness in his life at the moment, that im the only good thing he has, i give him hope for his future and all of that sort of thing. im worried that if i end this he will get all depressed etc. and i dont want to do that. but at the same time, i feel like i am disrespecting my boyfriend by even entertaining Dylan's interests and that that is not fair. anyway, timing is just messed up for all of this and i really cant be bothered with any of it... so i guess im just looking for the easiest way to back out of the long distance thing.

 

thanks in advance for ur help

xoxReese

[Caldus]

Simple. Just say that you don't want to continue it. You need your single time (that is, if you've made your mind to leave the current relationship). So tell him that. Don't worry if he gets depressed. You aren't responsible for his feelings. He needs to know your true situation and respect that. I also want to ask though ... why are you thinking about leaving the current relationship? Have you two discussed this and have you considered your child in the discussions as well?

[dzadze]

Hello,

 

This gentleman and yourself are in the friend zone, and it seems he doesn't understand once you are in the friend zone, relationships doesn't work. At six month that guy might have a chance, but six year ""NO CHANCE"..

 

It's good that you realized you don't want a relationship with this guy. If I may say, he needs a closer friend, and it seems that you are the only one he has. That gentleman seems to be very clingy and attached. Imagine how much more attached he would be in a relationship, and if things doesn't go well, he'll be like a leech and potential stalker.

 

If I may suggest, just tell him straight up, and be very clear about it, and a tell him "your heart is beating for someone else." And if he continues what he is doing than your friendship cannot continue.

 

DD

[Mamasita]

Caldus thanks for that... i guess i do feel responsible somewhat for his "mental wellbeing" since we are friends etc. the more romantic side/conversations are really bugging me lately tho. With Luis, my boyfriend yes we do/have discussed the situation with our relationship and at the moment he thinks everything is cool but i dont think i will ever marry him. what keeps me here is our little man, i wish so much i could give him the family life he deserves.. so thats why im still with his dad.

 

 

 

DD ur right in so many ways, it actually bugs me how clingy he is from a distance, imagine what it would be like if he was actually here! i think i would feel like i had 2 kids instead of one sometimes when i think about the way he is. i have to think about what im going to say to him, i dont want him to get all depressed etc.