A cruel joke........realizations.......and a fool.....

[w_maxell]

Last night my friends played a really bad joke on me. They knew that I am still not over my ex. I was on YM when my ex appeared online with the status saying "Guess where i am....", then my friend goes online with the status "I know where"...... My fault I fell for it and ask him.... he then loads a picture of her and all of them at the condo. Then suddenly goes of line and would not answer my calls.... I feel such a fool for falling for it.

 

I called her and she denies that she was there at the party though my other friend already confirmed that she was. What is with all the lies???? It really ruined my night. I know i shouldn't care but i still do......

 

The past few weeks prior to this has got me thinking and I confirmed most of it from my friends who she has told her side of story.

 

As painful as it was, I was rebound. I should have known, she coming out from a 4 year relationship barely 5 months before us. But i fell for her.

 

She found me boring, I admit, I'm an introvert and she is a extrovert. She found me too square while her last ex was too psycho. She wanted someone in between. More adventurous, affectionate and more ambition. And when she started working in a corporate environment she started to doubt her love for me. She realized that there were others out there with different kinds of personalities.

 

I blamed myself for not doing enough but i realized that had she truly loved me then she would have tried to make it work.

 

And yet i still hold on....why??? why am i doing this to myself??? why do i still love her???

[lady00]

And yet i still hold on....why??? why am i doing this to myself??? why do i still love her???

 

I know what you're going through right now hurts a lot. Unfortunately, as I'm sure you know, the only thing that is going to make things feel better for you and less in love is time away from her. You need time away from talking to her, hearing about her etc. Talking to her and knowing she is lying to you makes you feel worse, you must stay away and avoid her directly and indirectly. I know, easier said than done. Tell your friends you are really not okay with talking about her or hearing about what she's up to. If they've been through hard breakups, they should try to put themselves in your shoes. If they act insensitively, they aren't treating you like a friend. They should be supporting you right now.

[w_maxell]

Right now, I'm at the bottom of the barrel. I feel betrayed by my friends. They should have known better than to do what they did last night. To top it off i was feeling so depressed last night because the next day would be my birthday. I missed having to be with her and i started reminiscing about our times together. Then they just had to do this. Of course they all forgot it was my birthday.

 

Sad, sad day for me today......

[fireflies]

Ok, first things first...

 

W_Maxwell!!!

 

I have 3 birthday wishes for you...

1. Anything your heart desires (as long as it's legal!)

2. That your find new friends who love and respect you. Enotalone is a great place to start!

3. That your friends and Ex someday suffer the embarrassment (and justice) of bringing helpless and buck naked children into this world.

 

 

In other words... you don't deserve to be treated like this. You know that, but sometimes it helps to hear it from a 'stranger'.

 

 

Hugs,

Fireflies

[w_maxell]

Thanks!!! I know and I made it clear to them that it wasn't that funny. I've had NC for 3 weeks, though we broke up 4 months ago but remained in contact as if we were together. Thought I could handle it at that time. Boy was I wrong.

 

These past 3 weeks made me realize so many things. Things that my family and friends were saying. Things that i should have heeded but turned a blind eye to because i was in love with her.

 

I remembered how she kept comparing me to her ex. Ignored it. How she would hardly say I love you. Ignored it. How she wanted to change this or change that in me. Tried to change.

 

In the end, I realized that she was molding me into someone that I wasn't. How she couldn't accept me for who I am. The signs were there but I ignored it. I felt used and now that she is successful in her career and meeting new people, I am being discarded. She started to doubt her love for me.

 

I could look at it from the half full or half empty point of view. But I choose to look at it half-full. Better she doubted her love for me now than several years down the road.

 

If she decides that I was the one, will I take her back? My answer is I don't know because right now, I still love her.