Important questions to all guys waiting for answers

[mk]

For all guys who still waiting for girls answer if she want the relationship back.

 

Please post in here if you are currently in this situation.

 

Any advices on how we can help each other to get our girl back?

 

1) Give her space, we both agree that we are giving each other two weeks of spaces to think and reflect, anything we should do in the meanwhile?

 

2) Should I listen to her phone call if she called?

 

3) Any suggetions that show her I am mature and planning in the future?

 

4) Any suggestions encourge her to open herself more to talk?

 

Post your answers and your situation!

[Heretic]

Yeah this is a very common problem these days... I've read over a dozen unique posters going through this most trying of relationship humps. Honestly I can't say for sure whether everything will work out or not but I will say things with my ex have never been better.

 

1) Space is something she wants. Give it to her. As much or as little as she sees fit. If she wants to come over every night and hang out, why not? She still loves you and she probably is just a little confused as to what she's feeling.

 

2) Yes you should listen. You should listen VERY carefully. Not so much to the words as the tone of voice. If you've been bugging her and not giving her enough space, she might say some nasty things to get you to stop calling. If not she might be really missing you and tell you all the great things about you. That's not your cue to say "Wanna get back together?", it's your cue to say "I'm glad you think so". Let her know you'll be there for her as a friend if she needs it and try not to talk about the relationship.

 

3) Actions speak louder then words. Don't mention anything unless she asks, but if you're talking interrupt her saying "I can't talk right now there's *something that alludes to whatever you planning in the future* I've got to get to. It's been nice ttyl."

 

4) The best way to encourage her to open up is by saying things like "I'll always be here for you." or "Hey don't worry about it you don't have to tell me" stuff along those lines... but honestly if you don't prod in the first place she'll spill her guts on everything that's going on.

 

Like I said things with my ex have never been better, though this has been a hard time for the both of us. Remember always be understanding and talk up every guy in her life. She'll never fall for any of them that way. It's been just over 2 months for myself and I know it's going to take a while yet. Possibly another 6 months maybe only one more it's hard to say... but it's a waiting game.

 

I hope this helps and good luck to all the guys out there!

[kdreger]

I'm in this position and I've pretty much given up.

 

I still contact her a little but not in the same way I used to. She told me she went on a date the other day but that it didn't mean anything (yeah, ok). Anyways, I congradulated her and told her I was happy for her. I said, and meant, that I cared enough that I wanted her to be happy even if she wasn't happy with me.

 

Now I'm just attempting to salvage a friendship.

 

In all honesty, I'm tired. I'm tired of struggling against her doubts and her indifference. I'm just going to enjoy the break and not get into a relationship for awhile. They're exhausting.

[mk]

1) So, what do you mean by your ex have never been better? Is that mean you are still contacting? Going out?

 

2) How do you know how much space you give her. Do you discuss relationship after you mention if you gave two weeks of spaces of each other?

 

3) If she still haven't figure out in two weeks, should you mentioned to her that we could start slowly because it won't help if we continue to give two weeks and another two weeks.

 

4) Any lines that I can mentioned to her without saying giving up on her but that I need the answer......

[Heretic]

1) I mean our relationship. We're not going out but we do see each other often... more often then we used to when she was away at uni. She comes up with silly excuses for me to come up and see her and for her to come back and visit. It took a month or so for this to happen... but now everything is great! We're both happy for each other and enjoying our lives.

 

2) Well the first week I called her every night to check up on her, see how she was... then I stopped. I used all my willpower to prevent myself from picking up the phone everytime I thought about her. For a week nothing was said either way, then she called. "I miss you can you come up?" I told her I was busy (which I was) but I would could come up the next day. The next few weeks were off and on... her calling me me calling her... then again I stopped... that was two weeks ago. Within that time I now have her calling me everyday... sometimes twice just to talk. She schedules time just to talk with me... it's really flattering. But still I never call her or ask her if I can come up.

 

3) No you really shouldn't... Honestly those two weeks by two weeks can turn things around pretty quick (see above)

 

4) Asking her to decide wil push her towards "No I won't ever go back out with you again!" She obviously thinks right now there are other guys out there, so don't push your luck or you'll find yourself off her list. Every guy needs that answer... It kills me sometimes how close I feel... but I'm not close at all... I need to wait and go on with my life, let her follow me not vicsa-versa.

 

I hope this clarifies!

[mk]

You are great at this, but it will take a long affort.

 

1) It is good to see that you are both happy for each other. She still in doubts or thinking relationship stage?

 

2) I am now waiting for her to initiate the call. I know it is tough, I am now leaving a voice message early in the morning of encoragement. Should I continue tomorrow?

 

When she call you now everyday, I assume that you did not mentioned anything about the relationship, is that correct?

 

What kind of things you do to give her that love and is she feeling it?

 

3) Okay, I understand what you are saying. But she is in a time-constrant situation. She always say that she doesn't have enough time. (She might want to marry before 30). Any suggestion of what I should do?

 

4) Yes, I understand it pushes away from her. I used to be very close, but I mentioned about the relationship from time to time and it pushed her further. So, now I am at the stage where I don't want to mentioned it. I am not sure what to do, because if I don't push it, her parent could probably ask her too.....which is out of my control. What should I do in this situation?

 

 

 

 

[Heretic]

This going to be one hell of a topic. BTW I love the way you post your questions it makes them very easy to answer!

 

1) Right now she's both. I know it sounds weird but she has her doubts that I'm the guy for her, but at the same time she's having her doubts about not being in a relationship with me. She switches 70/30 to 30/70 every couple days or so It seems to be leaning far more in my favor... but like I said it'll take time.

 

2) A voice mail of encouragement to do what... sorry I don't follow.

 

I never mention the relationship, no. She brings it up sometimes (not everyday but fairly often). It's more her making sure I haven't given up. It's not a sign she wants to start again just that she's considering.

 

When she says she loves me I tell her I love her to, but dont' go any further. When she calls I ask about her day, and sympathize with her worries. When we get together I walk close to her and offer my hand (I don't say anything it just brushes hers openly and she tends to latch onto it) and I always give her a hug when I see her, and before I leave. But when she really feels my love is when I look into her eyes, this bothers her though so I wouldn't recommend doing it. She says she can see my pain even when I'm smiling.

 

3) Oh... this does change things. Is it a LDR (Long distance relationship)?

 

4) Well if you're a good bf the folks will usually be rooting for you. In my case they aren't... but that's because they're very supportive of their daughter. It all depends on her relationship with her parents... if they push her and you don't it could work to your benefit. I know one the best things working for me is that her friends like me, and always invite me out and tell her she doesn't know how lucky she is. That seems to help... but in the end it's really her decision. i.e. Don't worry about people other then youself... they can't do too much help or harm.

 

I hope this clarifies... BTW please repond to my questions so I can figure out how to better help you

[winkie]

I have to say that I am a girl and I am amazed that there are guys like you wanting to know how to get her back. I hope these girls realize what you re going through and appreciate it. However, please remember that sometimes it is better to just let go.

[mk]

The girl really appreciated it, but I am not sure why they don't trust us and give us a chance to show her love? Why? I know that they have doubts but love is risk and we don't know about the future, but we sure miss a lot.

 

Why do you think? Why do girls do that to us?

 

I have to say that I am a girl and I am amazed that there are guys like you wanting to know how to get her back. I hope these girls realize what you re going through and appreciate it. However, please remember that sometimes it is better to just let go.

[mk]

It is the topic of the century. Thank you, let keep it going.

 

1) It will take time, but I mean, if she find someone else, then everything go to tank. I think somehow, if the days go more 70/30, then you should just say that you love her, but you want the best for her, and want her to be happen. And make her think she will lose you. Then it will work, what do you think?

 

2) A voice mail in the morning, to give her encouragement, have a good day. I tried this two days in the row, everytime, she then left a message on my work place and today she say "Thank you for thinking about me this morning." Any suggestions? Should I continue? Is it a good sign?

 

3) It is not a long distance relationship, but I think all the family's members are married except her, and she said she has no time. But she said she is afraid to make the wrong decision of going either way. What do you mean by "This does change thing....."?

 

4) I think same here, her friends are on my side, saying positive things, which helps, but she is still thinking.

 

Anybody else, share you story!

[winkie]

YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER THAT GIRLS AND GUYS ARE LIKE COMPARING APPLES AND ORANGES AND IN ONE WAY SOMETIMES IF YOU ARE NOT A CHALLENGE THEN A GIRL MIGHT NOT WANT YOU. I AM SAD TO SEE YOU WAIT AROUND FOR A GIRL THAT IS NOT READY FOR YOUR WILLINGNESS TO COMMIT. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MANY GIRLS WOULD LOVE TO HAVE A GUY LIKE YOU. I HAVE MANY GUY PROBLEMS MYSELF BUT I TOLD MYSELF I WOULD NEVER WAIT FOR ANYONE BECAUSE IN THE WAITING PROCESS YOU WILL FORGET ABOUT YOURSELF, BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT AND I WILL NEVER DO IT AGAIN. YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER THAT EVERYONE IS AFRAID OF THE UNKNOWN AND TO BE IN LOVE MEANS THAT YOU ARE GIVING YOURSELF TO THAT PERSON AND THAT IS SCARY. HOWEVER, IT IS NOT JUST GIRLS THAT DO THAT IT IS GUYS THAT DO THAT TOO....IT IS VERY HARD TO KNOW IF SOMEONE IS FOR REAL YES LOVE IS A RISK BUT SOMETIMES YOU DONT WANT TO TAKE A RISK KNOWING THAT HEARTBREAK COLD BE AROUND THE CORNER.

[mk]

Well, thanks. It is good to hear that many girls would love to have a guy like me. That's feel confidence.

 

But I mean, girl has to realize that guys learned their lesson and they are willing to change.

 

Love is risk, we need to know that risk comes with the reward of feeling comfort and being loved.

 

 

 

[Heretic]

heh, alright we've a got a girl in the ranks now

 

1) Well it's never a bad idea to say you want what's best for her... and I guess an I love you coupled onto that might help bring it home... I'll give it a shot.

 

Making her think she might lose you? Well sure that'll probably work... but for all the wrong reasons. She wants space so she can be sure... that'd just rush her back into it, so she might do this whole thing over again. But yeah you'd definitely win her back quickly. It's really your call.

 

2) That's sounds great! I mean some people might find that too invasive, but she seems to love it, so keep it up. Not everyday though, that way she'll think about you "Why didn't he call today?" and see if she calls you. But yes that's a good sign.

 

3) Well I meant you put a whole new spin on things... but not too much. I mean if she feels like she's running out of time she is more likely to stick with you... but it could also lead her to jump start her dating life and go for as man guys as she can in a short period of time. I think you should STRESS the fact she has plenty of time and there is no rush. That'll win you HUGE points.

 

Because it's not a LDR you can't count on "absense makes the heart grow fonder" If it was she'd be bound to want to see you every chance she had when she got back. SDR's, also, I have less experience with. I'm not sure at what point she'll want to call you up and invite you out.... it's a tough call. She will you just have to wait.

 

I hope this helps.

[mbaran79]

I was just broken up with my girlfriend of 2 years. We lived together in college and she still has a year to go while I have graduated. 3 months ago we were planning on getting married next year. I did everything for her. I always tried to give her the best and be there for her 100% Since then she had developed some new friends and things had gone downhill since then. These new friends have been coming out of the closet and breaking up with thier boyfriends for eachother. Since she made these friends she started paying less attention to me. I asked her if she was having feelings like them a couple of times and she said no way. Things continued to go downhill and she became less and less loving and more unresponsive to the things i would say to her. Now last sunday she told me that she doesnt know what she wants and she just wants to be alone for awhile. She said that she still loves me (although she stopped wearing her promise ring) but just cant be with me right now and doesnt know if she ever will. She says that I will be the best person for her ever but cant give me what i need right now to be happy.

I guess my question is that if she wants space, the best thing i should do is probably give it to her. So i havent called or emailed her in a couple days. With as much as we had in the past, should I expect her to change her mind if she sees that I have grown into a stronger person and given her what she wants by letting her have her space? I dont think that constantly bugging her will make myself more attractive to her and make her want to get back with me...but maybe im wrong. I know she is having a hard time with this as well and I do not think there is another guy in the picture at this point. If there is anyone out there that has gone through a smilar situation or any females that have been in simlar shoes as her could you please enlighten me and let me know what to expect. I apprecitae all advice that can be given.

 

Thanks,

 

Matt

[mk]

Matt,

 

Totally give her space, don't mentioned about relationship. I learned something today, that agree with her. If she want to broke up, then agree with her. You mean agree with her? Yes, she might be surprise by your answer. If she has doubt, agree with her, don't change her mind that she has doubts, she has and stand on her side.

 

That's what I am doing, giving her space, and see if she misses you.

 

Anyone read the book "This side of good-bye"

link removed

 

Is it a good book? Any comments?

[skyshroudterror]

I know what you mean.. I tried to get with my ex tooo... But didnt work... Just started to try again.. its been over a year now..... though, and she has no clue I still like her...

 

I Talk to her about all her dates, and her b/f's... shes single now though...

And I encourage her on everything she does.... But if it never happens again. then so be it.. but I would like it to happen again...

 

I dont call her anymore though. I just talk with her on aim... I go to her house to hang with her bro every once in awhile though.... You think thats a good thing... Well yeah... Those question were good ones, and they made some things clearer..

Wish I saw those when we first broke up.. I didnt do any of them....lol

 

And man did I screw things up

[mk]

What do you mean by "wish you do those...." in your last time? Please explain.

 

 

 

I know what you mean.. I tried to get with my ex tooo... But didnt work... Just started to try again.. its been over a year now..... though, and she has no clue I still like her...

 

I Talk to her about all her dates, and her b/f's... shes single now though...

And I encourage her on everything she does.... But if it never happens again. then so be it.. but I would like it to happen again...

 

I dont call her anymore though. I just talk with her on aim... I go to her house to hang with her bro every once in awhile though.... You think thats a good thing... Well yeah... Those question were good ones, and they made some things clearer..

Wish I saw those when we first broke up.. I didnt do any of them....lol

 

And man did I screw things up

[skyshroudterror]

O, I meant I wished I would of read what to do after a break up... Cause I didnt do any of what all of you guys are aying...

 

I didnt give her space... I didnt do any of it... But for awhile she liked all the attention, and we almost got back together. but she just got tired of me, cause I was every where..... Wish I would of gave her the space...

[winkie]

My goodness, I am once again amazed. How about for a change maybe moving on sometimes it is the best thing. People break up for reasons, I am not trying to sound like a b*t@h but maybe you guys should take this time to find yourselves and what your about and what you need from a girl. If you are so concerned about this one girl, you may miss one that is even better. I know it is a stretch but try it...one never knows unless you try. You can see by this site that there are so many guys in the same situation as you guys....and if one of you was my guy I would be flattered but lets ask that question How many relationships worked after breaking up and going back out??....it is sad to see everyone wonder about what there girl or guy is thinking because the funny thing is one may never know. I wish you all luck but please dont try to get something back that may not be yours sometimes things are better left alone. Love is grand when you have someone worth while, and sometimes the person you love may be right next to you but yet so far. Reach for something for now you never know where you will end up.

[mbaran79]

So what would be the best way to get her back? Maybe I am going about this all wrong.

 

Thanks,

Matt

[Anonymous1234]

Right now im just taking a solo stance on it. Whether or not shes coming back to me, I dont know. But frankly, I shouldnt care.

 

All I said was "Well , if you're still really indecisive about things and you AREN'T truly hiding how you feel about me.......

 

Then call me whenever you feel like you can".

 

She said "Im indecisive about alot of things right now"

 

Told her I loved her, she replied with an "I know".

 

And that was that. Im somewhat glad that im freed from all this anxious grief, finally. Im just afraid she might find someone else when im not around, or she really doesnt have the heart to tell me how she really feels.

 

I love her alot....but some things cant be changed.

 

Hang in there guys. Get to the bottom about how your girlfriend feels, and when you're ready, learn to let go.

[Heretic]

Any is right on a lot of levels.

 

You can't push her so don't try. You can't do anything to make her change her mind so give her space. But sometimes there's no chance it'll work out at all and then you have to move on.

 

The best thing to do is let her wear the pants for awhile and see how it goes... there's nothing else you can really do.

[winkie]

The best thing in my opinion is to move on. I know it is hard. Sometimes you analyze something so much you lose yourself. Take this time to get to know yourself and you may not want her anymore. You need to be happy on your own. But back to your question I would have to know what happened to see the getting her back scenario. Once again you guys make me hopeful that there are still nice guys out there...THANK YOU

[greenie]

I must say I am too quite impressed to see that guys actually are in touch with their feelings. Quite contrary to what the other girl had posted, I feel as though sometimes if you just can't get over an ex, that maybe it was the love that you needed and it is right to keep in touch and see if their feelings have changed. This, of course, after you have seriously given not being with them a thought and chance. i.e. gone out on other dates, given them space, and didn't fantasize the relationship you did have.

I do have a question for you guys though, what happens when the tables are turned? I was recently sorta broken up with. My boyfriend still says he loves me (well it's only been about 5 days since he broke up with me) but when in the relationship and even in a talk a few days after the relationship ended, he said i would make a great wife. He always said that he hopes that i am in his future, well he said that when we were in the relationship.

But my questions are (if you feel as though i've given enough background)

 

1.) He said he didn't want a relationship right now, needs to focus on what he plans to do with his life... basically college/ job (been goiin to a comm. college for a few years intermixed with serving in the army reserves, including going overseas just recently) Does this, to guys, mean that he really just wants to date other people and not have to worry about a relationship? Is he doing this to leave things opedn for in the future?

 

2.) I mentioned hejsut came back from Mid. East and the war, and a couple of his friends are proposing to their girlfriends, is he just freaked out by this? They say war matures men, so is the fact that he isn't sure about having a relationship at all right now a sign that he won't want me ever?

 

3.) How do I wait for him? He wants to keep the future open to possiblities and fate brought us together in the first place (seriously) and he says it will bring us together again... is he just saying this to make me feel better?

 

4.) When guys break up because they are doing what is best for what the need in life at the time, what does the side lined girlfriend do? or what should she do?

 

I KNOW i love him so much and am willing to give him his space. I wish i knew how long i would have to wait ( idecided to not call hm for 42 days, he can call me when he wants to talk, and he has) or should i call him?

Goodness, i don't know how to deal with this too well. I am hurt, but am happy that he is looking at what he'll need to get his life back on track after coming home, so any advice to the questions would be so greatly apreciated. THANK YOU

[winkie]

Greenie,

I feel for you I really do. ya see the advice that you give someone is what is or has happened in your own life. I give advice about moving on because that was what happened to me. My ex wanted his freedom to. He constantly called me and told me we were going to get married and the whole 9 well he was being with someone else.........and the minute he foundout I was moving on he wanted me back and I told him to go on with is life. Hence the part he is now married with twins. PS we broke up last August not even a year ago. I can only give advice by what my life has experienced and you, yourself are experiencing something different you want him back and will wait for him and whose to say you shouldn't but I will tell you like I said before in the process of waiting for someone you always lose yourself and that is why i say move on that does not mean move on forever but take care of yourself and make things happen for you because ya know what he is making things happen for himself with a cheerleader on the side (meaning you being there whenever he needs you) will he be your cheerleader?? Good luck with all and if you like you can PM me