They disappear after a month or two of dating...

[teacup]

i think it shows how much class a person has. if a person has class he/she will be polite enough to say, i dont think this is for me and not lead the other person on.

 

i think a person without class would just disappear. but who cares, that person is crass. u want the l not the r.

[Msnak]

So I'm a few days late in replying, but I think I felt guilty from the first 24 hours after not letting a guy know I didn't want to see him anymore. So, when this happened two years ago, I made a promise to myself to be brave and just ask and just tell whatever I need to say about a relationship.

 

The disappearing acts really do take longer to get over, and even leave some people with hope.

 

What's interesting is when someone disappears and reappears....

[PocoDiablo]

I don't just hope that he'll get the hint if I never answer the phone or call him again. ...

 

I had a guy do that to me earlier this year... he didn't have the GUTS to end it. And I gave him the opportunity a couple of times and he never took it.

I'm just pointing out that women often give men an opportunity to break up first. Guys, you need to realize this! It's gutless, just like Mjane says.

[Msnak]

Poco--

 

Huh? What do you mean women give men the opportunity to break up first? Doesn't that imply a woman wants to end the relationship and is expecting the man to notice the signs? Doesn't that mean a man is screwed if he doesn't? Suddenly he's the problematic one....

[Dating Coach]

Poco--

 

Huh? What do you mean women give men the opportunity to break up first? Doesn't that imply a woman wants to end the relationship and is expecting the man to notice the signs? Doesn't that mean a man is screwed if he doesn't? Suddenly he's the problematic one....

Actually that happens quite a bit. I've noticed that when men typically lose interest, they either cheat, break up, or disappear. With women, it is very common for her to become **edit**y, rude, distant, etc, but not actually taking the initiative to end it. Instead they perform those behaviors in attempt to get the guy to end it. Maybe it's to save face or to make it look like it was his fault, I dunno, but it happens.

 

Of course this doens't have to be the majority of men and womens actions, but it is common.

[Rainz]

I agree with Mjane and most of the other posters. I too, always end a relationship or potential relatinship....I don't mislead people at all. It doesn't cost anything to be respectful and tell the person.

I agree that those who disappear as well are such huge cowards, it really speaks volumes about someone who would do that, and far as I'm converned it's inexcusable behaviour too. It happened to me in my relationship earlier this year and the hurt and healing is definitely much harder to overcome.

[Msnak]

Diggity--Ok, you explained things and that makes sense. Thanks.

 

Too bad our society is filled with people bumbling around unsure of how to do things the best way. We're really all doing our best -- well, most of us. It's that process where we make mistakes and hurt people, usually unwittingly.

 

In my circle of friends, the women who end it always do so rather curtly, after they've percieved a man to have messed up one too many times. Usually not even being aware when they made mistakes themselves! Go figure.

 

Most of my guy friends are single. The few that are married also broke up with their now-wives, but eventually realized they needed/wanted them and made amends.

[Venturer]

Msnak, can I join your circle of friends?

 

I rather have a woman end it with me curtly, than to string me along and then vanish.

[Mjane]

I'm just pointing out that women often give men an opportunity to break up first. Guys, you need to realize this! It's gutless, just like Mjane says.

 

When I said I give him the opportunity... I'm talking about I sensed him withdrawing and I asked him several times if he wanted to keep seeing me...

I did not act in a certain way to get him to break up with me... IMO.. guys do this more often than girls.. because they are afraid of being the bad guy so they treat a girl like crap in hopes she'll dump him...

[Msnak]

MJ--whoa, you hit on something there. When you sense someone withdrawing, you have two options, say something or do nothing. Asking a date if they're still interested is a SMART and FAIR question because it shows you're interested, shows you need a status report, and gives you a chance to address any early problems that might falsely kill a relationship. Also, you can find out if either of you are simply wasting your time.

 

I've had to ask that of just one guy--every other guy was crystal clear about continuing or ending the relationship. The one guy I asked said he was interested but his actions didn't match his words! A girl can only take so many excuses and apologies!

 

Now, if you sense someone is withdrawing and they're taking a big trip somewhere, perhaps we've all learned from this board, it might be a good idea to be brave and confront them about the signs of withdrawal.

 

Venturer--join my circle anytime!