She dosen't open up to me or talk about her feelings

[HomerSimpson]

Hi all,

 

I like this girl in the office! Everytime we flirt she is ok with that! Such as winking and she smiles alot when she sees me. I kind of know that she likes me but she never opens up!

 

How do i get her to open up with me slowly! She can talk to me about anything really, but never talks about if she fancies someone or her feelings on a future boyfriend! How can i slowly get her to open up???

[PocoDiablo]

One, do you want to date her?

 

Two, if so, are you prepared for stares of death and nasty rumors when things blow up? (Advice: Never date anyone you work with. Ask me why... )

 

Three, assuming you want to date her, you need to ask her on a date! Just walk up and tell her "hey Jennifer, would you like to go to Starbucks for a coffee Wednesday with me?" If she says yes, then that's when you get to know her better - by asking her questions about what she likes.

 

If she says anything other than "Sure" that is her way of telling you that she is just practicing her flirting skills on you.

[Tubby_Czech]

Indeed, interoffice dating is not a good idea, in fact, its a very bad idea.

[chai714]

First thing, you're gonna have to get her out of the office for some one-on-one. Suggest to her that you two "hang out" sometime. Watch her reaction. If it's good, have a specific place in mind and execute your proposal right there on the spot. Once she says "yes" get outta there and quit talking to her. You're done, and not much more needs to be said until you hang out with her outside of work.

 

On the other hand, she could be a notorious flirt. These are quite easy to read though, because they flirt with every member of the opposite sex they encounter. In this case, all they want is attention, attention, and more attention. Probably not worth your time in that case.

[HomerSimpson]

thanks for replying!

Yes i would like to date her!

 

We don't see each other everyday in the office, we work in different sections of the department!

 

and three she's little shy and i don't want to jump the gun and she stop's talking to me!!! I'm willing to take it slowly, she's special and i never felt like this with anyone!

[PocoDiablo]

Okay, there is no such thing as jumping the gun. You're a man. She's a woman. She EXPECTS you to ask her out. There is such a thing as missing the race in these situations though!

 

My advice to you, seeing as how she works in another department, is to find out exactly what her intentions are. Simply go find her, make sure she is not frazzled, busy, on the way to a meeting, and ask her out. Something simple, like "Hey, I was wondering if you would like to go out with me Wednesday for a coffee or the likes at (coffee house, bakery, etc.) What do you say?"

 

Now, her reaction will tell you EVERYTHING you ever wanted to know. There are two reactions: Good and Bad.

 

Good reaction:

 

"Oh, yeah, I'd love to do that! What time did you have in mind?" You set up the time, offer to meet her there and then tell her "Great, I'll see you then." (Make sure she knows where you are going and has the address!)

 

Good reaction:

 

"Oh, I can't Wednesday, I have an appointment. But, how about Thursday? I'm free Thursday and would love to go!" Same thing as above. Good sign!

 

Both of these reactions indicate that she was not JUST flirting with you, she LIKES you! You go!

 

BAD reaction:

 

"Oh, I can't. I've got plans. Sorry." At that point, you tell her "Oh, that's fine, I totally understand. I hope your appointment goes well. I'll see you later." and excuse yourself.

 

But is this really all bad? First, it does tell you that she was just leading you on. She had no interest of being with you. But it ALSO saves you WEEKS or MONTHS of wondering if she likes you! Now, instead of having tunnel vision for this one woman who is totally wrong for you, I bet you find someone who is much more perceptive and realizes what a catch you are.

 

And believe me, you are a catch - to the right woman. You just have to find her because she wants to find you, too!

[HomerSimpson]

thanks mate! that is some awsome advice. I think i will go and ask her out on monday, Thats when i'm in next at work!

[RayKay]

Hi all,

 

I like this girl in the office! Everytime we flirt she is ok with that! Such as winking and she smiles alot when she sees me. I kind of know that she likes me but she never opens up!

 

How do i get her to open up with me slowly! She can talk to me about anything really, but never talks about if she fancies someone or her feelings on a future boyfriend! How can i slowly get her to open up???

 

Well, I doubt she is going to open up to you about the latter in an office environment with a coworker she works with. And if she DOES fancy you, she won't tell you about how she fancies someone....

 

I say be careful about office romances...they can cause a lot of drama, but that being said, if you want to proceed, you really need to ask her out for a date - since you work together, you can ask her if she wants to go for lunch or coffee with you, and so forth. And don't ask her if she fancies someone or about a future boyfriend at this stage! That will either have her embarrassed, uncomfortable, or not allow things to develop...be patient! Start out small, and work your way up

[PocoDiablo]

Yeah, that's true. Here are some topics I usually recommend us (dumb) guys recommend when going on a date.

 

Do not talk about:

 

Ex's (hers or yours)

Other people you're interested in or other women.

Sex (flirt, which means allude to it very carefully, and infrequently.)

Politics

Sports

Computers

Cars

Video games

Your past achievements

Work - especially in your situation

Emotional problems (i.e., no therapy!)

Drugs

Crimes

Scary people (murderers, rapists, child molesters, etc.)

 

Do not touch her, unless she touches you first.

Do not over-compliment her. One compliment ONLY, such as "Hey, you look really nice today" or "That's a nice outfit."

Look her in the eye when you talk to her.

Do not stare at her breasts, butt, legs... EVER!

Do not look at other women... EVER! (Unless it's something stupid/funny, like some chick with her hair on fire. )

Remember the goal of a date is to qualify her and get to know her. So, ask her lots of questions, then ask her to elaborate on her answers. EXAMPLES: Does she smoke? Yes? (Ugh.) Is she going to quit? No? Has she ever quit? Why'd she quit? Do you go to school? What are you majoring in? Do you like that? What are you going to do with your degree? Why did you pick that field? What else do you really like? What is the last really fun thing you did? Hiking? Have you ever been to the top of mount so-and-so? Do you bike?

 

When she asks you why you are asking so many questions, just let her know it's because you want to get to know her better. You do, of course, want to screen all women. If you have standards, and I know you do, ask her about them if you can! I don't date smokers. I don't date drug users. Let her know that she has to work hard to meet your standards. You wouldn't settle for just anyone, would you?

 

And remember these things, too. Relax. Breathe. Be yourself. Try to be non-serious if she asks questions about you. Make her have to work a little to get to know you. Don't be an open book, but be fun!

 

Finally, if things felt good, go for the goodnight kiss. Lean in slowly 90% and see if she leans in and kisses you. This is the same as when you asked her out. Either you get a good response and continue, or you thank her and leave. If you get the kiss, tell her that you "will call her later and set up another date." Not when, not where, just later.

 

Be sure you have her number, and then call her ONLY to make a date. No phone chit-chat. Relationships are formed in person, not over the wire.

 

Good luck!

[HomerSimpson]

thanks everyone for Your response am sure will help me out. This is great site! To pocodiablo you were very helpful and its very much appreciated!