annie24 Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 Well, depending on the guy, I might try contacting him once, to get things started, but after that, it's up to him. You've contacted this girl several times, so by my standards, you have clearly shown "interest." Link to comment
dancingmsg Posted November 1, 2005 Author Share Posted November 1, 2005 Beec, what you said makes senses. But i have some questions....what if the girl is shy and does not really express her feelings?...How do we know if she feels the same way about us?....or simply she is not that interested....I mean how do you guys tell if a girl is interested but shy or just not interested but being nice to you I have this problem with the girl i am pursuing....it took me long time and lots of efforts to move the ball forward just that little bit...DiggityDogg knows what i am talking about....she admitted the other day that she is very shy....in fact she rejected me couple of times in a roll....should i consider her as not that interested or just being shy and likes being chased? For one, it's not a good habit to start making excuses for someone. I'm not saying that you are doing this, but it is a bad habit that some people have. Sometimes people don't express their feelings for reasons other than being shy. Sometimes people will use shyness as an excuse for their actions. It depends on the person and the situation. What about your situation? The question is, how much do you deserve to put up with? How long do you think you should sit there and wonder what is really going on in her head? How long are you going to chase her and her answer? There comes a point when you need to look at the situation and say, "Do I deserve this? Do I need to put up with this? How much can I put up with?" DiggityDogg, maybe you are right.... i am just making excuse for her .... the only reason could be that she does not make it clear to me that she is not interested in me ..... and the worst thing is....i am that kind of person who does not believe in lots of things until i see/hear it.....and my life attitude is ....hope for the best and prepare for the worst....that makes me keep trying until i know it's useless....if i think something is worth the effort....kind of stupid, huh.... now...you questions really hit the point....i need to ask myself....Do i need to put up with this....or in my word....does a relationship with this or any girl worth the efforts i put into....honestly...at this moment...i don't know.... will think about it..... Link to comment
annie24 Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 I don't think I ever caught your story. Where did you meet this girl, how long have you known her, how many times have you called her, have you been on a date? etc...? Link to comment
dancingmsg Posted November 1, 2005 Author Share Posted November 1, 2005 Well, depending on the guy, I might try contacting him once, to get things started, but after that, it's up to him. You've contacted this girl several times, so by my standards, you have clearly shown "interest." yes, i am sure she got the message....i asked her "do you consider yourself very shy?"....she replied immediated by nodding her head and "yes".....then i said many people told me to move on after so many rejections from you but i just kept trying to talk to you ....and she said "it worked".... annie24....what do you think is the best move....i mean...should i keep staying on the driving set and move this thing forward....or until she ends this relationship at certain point without me knowing that she doesn't enjoy it any more...or as DiggityDogg suggested....i might need to think about the limit that i can tolerate....i mean for the sake of fairness....it is too heavy for one person to carry on the weight of a relationship....do you agree? ..... what do you do in your relationships if you don't mind?... Link to comment
annie24 Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 I agree with Ddogg about "the limit." That's why I'm wondering how many phone calls you've given her, how many times has she called you, etc? it is too heavy for one person to carry on the weight of a relationship....do you agree? ..... what do you do in your relationships if you don't mind?... One person carrying the weight of the relationship isn't a relationship at all. I mean, in the beginning, I like it when a guy contacts me, asks me out, I try to show interest in him also... and as things progress in the relationship, calling and all that becomes more equal. Link to comment
dancingmsg Posted November 1, 2005 Author Share Posted November 1, 2005 I don't think I ever caught your story. Where did you meet this girl, how long have you known her, how many times have you called her, have you been on a date? etc...? it's a long story...we work together but see each other very rarely...it been about couple of months since first time in Feb told me she was playing games all days long....asked her out....was told had bf....June told me broke up with bf and asked me to the movie....after that i tried many times did not get her out again...except meet with coworkers twice...talked with her on those gatherings....still couldn't get her out....so i sort of moving on while keeping sending her emails once a while....but did not ask her out any more...things seemed changed a little bit in the past months....asked out twice....pretty easy...felt there is some chemistry built up between us last weekend.... but today tried to ask her go out to the park after work...was told she needs to go the store and said "maybe some other time this week"....so i asked if Thursday is good because i know she is going to work on weekend....anyway...no response since.....i really have no clue what is going on in this.....she never initiate contacts with me.... so what do you think....she is doing it in the way you would've....or she is not interested...or she is playing a game only she knows ;-)....somebody said that i am the only one knows the relationship.....i think only god knows.... is this feeling called insecure?... Link to comment
annie24 Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 erm.... I dunno... it doesn't sound promising. When a guy I'm interested in asks me out repeatedly, I definitely say yes, and if I can't make it on a day he suggests, I try to suggest another day. Wow - you are really persistent! I'd be too afraid to be that distant from a man, fearing he would lose interest in me. Maybe she does want you to lose interest in her? Obviously, I don't know what her deal is. I just know that I wouldn't be acting like she is now towards you if I liked you. Link to comment
Dating Coach Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 The part of your quote that I put in bold is where she lost interest. I have said it on here about 100X that guys must pay attention to her actions. That was the point where her actions suggested that she no longer had any romantic interest. Don't you think that if she had any interest at all that she would have found a time to go out with you at least once since that first date? If she kept asking you out or tried to set up dates with you, do you think that you wouldn't have found time by now? Even if you worked 60 hours a week? Not interested. Sorry brother. I wouldn't waste another second of your time. Link to comment
dancingmsg Posted November 1, 2005 Author Share Posted November 1, 2005 Maybe she does want you to lose interest in her? yeah, that is what exactly wanted to find out.....she is really acting differently..... one guy who knows her once said that she is a "stick in the mud"....he did not go on explaining exactly what does he mean...maybe i should go ask this guy....he works with her closely and as far as i know he knows her better than i do.... i have no problem being persistent....because i kind of believing my 6th sense that she is very nice.....but if she really want me to lose interest in her....i have no problem either....i am 120% sure about that.... anybody has some suggestion on how to find out the truth? Link to comment
dancingmsg Posted November 1, 2005 Author Share Posted November 1, 2005 The part of your quote that I put in bold is where she lost interest. I have said it on here about 100X that guys must pay attention to her actions. That was the point where her actions suggested that she no longer had any romantic interest. Don't you think that if she had any interest at all that she would have found a time to go out with you at least once since that first date? If she kept asking you out or tried to set up dates with you, do you think that you wouldn't have found time by now? Even if you worked 60 hours a week? Not interested. Sorry brother. I wouldn't waste another second of your time. yes, DiggityDogg, what you said is logical, absolutely....however i can not understand why she went out with me again twice in the past weeks...wouldn't it be easier for her to just say no...or she did that just to boost her ego....if that is the case....i would really feel sorry for this girl because she is ....horrible....but still i wouldn't think of anybody can be like that....will you? i would really like to hear some female oppinions on this... Link to comment
annie24 Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 Maybe she only likes you as a friend. Or maybe she was bored that day and decided hanging out with you was better than being in her own apartment, watching TV. Maybe that's why she went out with you the last 2 times. Oh, I know plenty of girls that string along guys for the fun ego boost. I don't think they even like the guys as much as they like having tons of men drooling over them. I think that's really unfair to the guys and just really lame behavior. Link to comment
annie24 Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 Maybe she does want you to lose interest in her? yeah, that is what exactly wanted to find out.....she is really acting differently..... one guy who knows her once said that she is a "stick in the mud"....he did not go on explaining exactly what does he mean...maybe i should go ask this guy....he works with her closely and as far as i know he knows her better than i do.... i have no problem being persistent....because i kind of believing my 6th sense that she is very nice.....but if she really want me to lose interest in her....i have no problem either....i am 120% sure about that.... anybody has some suggestion on how to find out the truth? a "stick in the mud" is a person who isn't any fun - doesn't like to go out, do to stuff, isn't very social. As for the truth - I don't know, obviously, none of us can know for sure, but I figure she's either not interested. Or, if she is, not calling a guy back and not responding to his advances is a pretty lame way of showing a man interest. Link to comment
Dating Coach Posted November 2, 2005 Share Posted November 2, 2005 Maybe she only likes you as a friend. Or maybe she was bored that day and decided hanging out with you was better than being in her own apartment, watching TV. Maybe that's why she went out with you the last 2 times. Oh, I know plenty of girls that string along guys for the fun ego boost. I don't think they even like the guys as much as they like having tons of men drooling over them. I think that's really unfair to the guys and just really lame behavior. I agree with annie 100%. It also could be because she feels bad for blowing you off so many times. If her actions are inconsistant then it doesn't support interest. Why don't you just ask? If you aren't going to use what we have told you along with your past experiences with her, then simply ask her if the two of you have a chance. If she gives you some lame excuse about now not being a good time for her then ask her if she thinks that you should move on and meet other people. Personally, I think the answer is clear and has been for awhile. I'm not always right but I do believe pretty strongly that she has a pretty low interest level here, and I wouldn't be wasting my time on it. Link to comment
Beec Posted November 2, 2005 Share Posted November 2, 2005 OK, the only way to do this is use what I call the on and off switch. If you pay attention to her so often, and then stop. She will wonder where you went. When she expected the call, it did not come. So, you hope she wonders why and wants it and then seeks the attention she is missing. If you turn it off, and leave her alone at some interval, during which she expected some attention, she may seek it or may not. If you turn it on and off a few times, then, she sooner or later should seek some of it sooner or later. Link to comment
dancingmsg Posted November 2, 2005 Author Share Posted November 2, 2005 Maybe she does want you to lose interest in her? yeah, that is what exactly wanted to find out.....she is really acting differently..... one guy who knows her once said that she is a "stick in the mud"....he did not go on explaining exactly what does he mean...maybe i should go ask this guy....he works with her closely and as far as i know he knows her better than i do.... i have no problem being persistent....because i kind of believing my 6th sense that she is very nice.....but if she really want me to lose interest in her....i have no problem either....i am 120% sure about that.... anybody has some suggestion on how to find out the truth? a "stick in the mud" is a person who isn't any fun - doesn't like to go out, do to stuff, isn't very social. As for the truth - I don't know, obviously, none of us can know for sure, but I figure she's either not interested. Or, if she is, not calling a guy back and not responding to his advances is a pretty lame way of showing a man interest. Seems i did just what DiggityDogg said...keep making excuse for her....thought that she is not that active in relationship.....but now i think you guys are right.... Do you think that i should talk with her about it and make it clear....i mean press her to tell me if she is interested in me more than just a friend .... or she just wants me to lose interest in her slowly...which might seem for her to be nice to me but for me it is a torture.....that way i will not be the one who worries about this whole thing .....i am a persistent person but at the meantime....i consider myself very decisive when certain decision needs to be made....if i know for sure that she is not interested .... i am sure i can walk without looking back yes, i think that i should do that.... Link to comment
dancingmsg Posted November 2, 2005 Author Share Posted November 2, 2005 Maybe she only likes you as a friend. Or maybe she was bored that day and decided hanging out with you was better than being in her own apartment, watching TV. Maybe that's why she went out with you the last 2 times. Oh, I know plenty of girls that string along guys for the fun ego boost. I don't think they even like the guys as much as they like having tons of men drooling over them. I think that's really unfair to the guys and just really lame behavior. I agree with annie 100%. It also could be because she feels bad for blowing you off so many times. If her actions are inconsistant then it doesn't support interest. Why don't you just ask? If you aren't going to use what we have told you along with your past experiences with her, then simply ask her if the two of you have a chance. If she gives you some lame excuse about now not being a good time for her then ask her if she thinks that you should move on and meet other people. Personally, I think the answer is clear and has been for awhile. I'm not always right but I do believe pretty strongly that she has a pretty low interest level here, and I wouldn't be wasting my time on it. Yes, that is what i am going to do....we definitely are on the same page this time....now i feel i am getting close to be an expert .... is that why you guys are so good at this dating game.... i mean learning from pain ;-) Link to comment
ShySoul Posted November 2, 2005 Share Posted November 2, 2005 Forget what everyone else is saying. What does your guy instinct tell you? Then do what you think is best. Only you know how this girl is and how things feel between you two. Even if she is not talking to you, she may have some interest in you but be deathly shy. She may try to push away someone she wants to be close to. She may be afraid of seeing anyone. Or she may not be interested. In your heart you already know the answer, just take a look at things objectvely and rationally and everything should become clearer. Do what you feel is best. Even if you come to the conclusion that you shouldn't expect anything to happen now, it seems like she has really touched your heart. People advise to "move on" but in reality that isn't just something you can do. You have demonstrated a remarkable and admirable persistance and willingness to wait for things to happen. Doubtful you can forget about her and let her go soon. So simply be her friend. Treat her as you would any friend. Talk to her when you want, just let things progress naturally. Don't give up if you aren't ready too. Don't expect anything to happen. Just take it as it comes. Maybe you will be together, maybe not. That will take care of itself. For now, just focus on being there for her as any friend would. dancingmsg, With my girl, she may have wanted the attention, but she was unclear in signals. She would want me to call her, be with her, but then turn around and do something to push me away. That level of rejection hurt, but I kept up the persistance. I still talked to her regularly, pretty much nightly. I was also nice, never wavered on the fact that my eart clearly wanted more. And she came back cause she saw that I would always be there for her. It happened several times, but I stayed the course cause my heart said it was what I should do. So follow that heart. If you still have hope, you have to ride it out until the end. People will tell you to give up. But none of them understand your feelings. You may logically agree that giving up is the best thing to do, but if your heart doesn't want to listen then you can't do it. So do what you feel you need to do. You may discover you were right and she does like you. You may end up being hurt. But either way, you'll be better off for it. Link to comment
annie24 Posted November 2, 2005 Share Posted November 2, 2005 hmmm.... yes, the last guy that did that to me, I filed a restraining order against him. Link to comment
dancingmsg Posted November 2, 2005 Author Share Posted November 2, 2005 hmmm.... yes, the last guy that did that to me, I filed a restraining order against him. ha ha ha ha ha ..... annie24, please tell me you did not .... that really freaks me out ..... seriously...what is your number ....and get ready to file second restraining order against me .... and i can tell you.... even that won't work on me this time ..... cause you are some girl.... i will either make you become my gf or i myself become someone's gf ..... in ..... prison Link to comment
annie24 Posted November 2, 2005 Share Posted November 2, 2005 Oh, I'm quite serious - a guy kept contacting me, calling me, showing up at my door. I did file an order about a year and a half ago. The good news is that he has been obeying it. Link to comment
dancingmsg Posted November 2, 2005 Author Share Posted November 2, 2005 ShySoul, thanks for your encouragement....it really helps....i think that you are right....and you and i are similar...in terms of persistency... honestly, i am willing to be persistent if i know she likes me....my persistency might seems to be clingy to some people....but i definitely consider myself as a strong mind person....i refuse to be a fool...and life has lots of other beautiful things.... i have made the decision to find out exactly what is going on in her mind....i will have an open "talk" with her... if she likes me....then i will kiss her and continue driving this relationship down the road....if this is what she wants....i am willing to make efforts for what i consider valuable....both of us will end up being happy.....just like what you did....but if she does not...and hope i will lose interest ... as annie24 suggested....then we will walk our ways and both will be fine.... hope by doing that...i can save that girl an application for a restraining order Link to comment
dancingmsg Posted November 2, 2005 Author Share Posted November 2, 2005 Oh, I'm quite serious - a guy kept contacting me, calling me, showing up at my door. I did file an order about a year and a half ago. The good news is that he has been obeying it. wow, did you warn him beforehand? .... did you at least tell him to stop.... in my case...this girl at least returned my email sometimes....and talked with me on the phone for >15 minutes or so.... and went out with me twice in the past weeks....she won't file a restraining order on, will she? Link to comment
annie24 Posted November 2, 2005 Share Posted November 2, 2005 No - his warning was when the police showed up telling him not to contact me anymore. I dunno - maybe he thought he was being cute and friendly, but I thought his behavior was downright creepy! I do agree with Diggity - just ask her flat out since this issue is weighing on your mind. Then you'll know your answer and can make your next move accordingly. good luck - I hope it works out for you. Link to comment
suprema99 Posted November 2, 2005 Share Posted November 2, 2005 Hey annie, it sounds like you did the right thing. Link to comment
dancingmsg Posted November 2, 2005 Author Share Posted November 2, 2005 No - his warning was when the police showed up telling him not to contact me anymore. I dunno - maybe he thought he was being cute and friendly, but I thought his behavior was downright creepy! I do agree with Diggity - just ask her flat out since this issue is weighing on your mind. Then you'll know your answer and can make your next move accordingly. good luck - I hope it works out for you. so you did not even tell him straight that you are not interested and tell him to stop calling you not come to your house? wow, thanks for the heads up. i gotta be careful Link to comment
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