gattsuga Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Hey all... I have a very complicated situation. I'll try my best to explain the details. So, my ex girlfriend and I broke up a couple months ago... if u read in the "Getting back together" forum, u can read about what I've been trying to do to get back with her. However, my ex gf's, best friend's ex bf (we'll call him bill.. haha.. confusing yet?) confessed how he felt about her a month ago. She and Bill are also best friends too. Now.. my exgf's bestfriend is really hurt by all this... cuz she's still not over Bill (it's been over 2 years since they've broken up). So now her and my ex are not talking, because she's starting to have feelings for Bill. I'm starting to give up hope, because she started moving on before I asked her back... and Bill is a fresh new start. My question for you guys... what do you think of this whole situation? Should my ex gf not have fallen for Bill? Love is a choice! My ex and her best friend are not speaking now because of this! I dunno, but I would never date my best friend's ex if he was not okay with it... man oh man... so messed up Link to comment
Serendipity1607307077 Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Well, I personally think that love isn't really a choice.. I didn't choose to be in love with my partner, and he didn't choose to be in love with me (I feel sorry for him actually, hahaha) But I think in a way it's wrong that they have moved on so quickly... Link to comment
BillyJean714 Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Personally, I think it's pretty scandelous on both their parts. If two people are going to be shady like that, then maybe they both deserve each other. Better to know now than later. And, even if they are meant to be, wish them the best of luck. Now you know for sure that she's not meant for you so that you can keep your options open for a new Honey who will is 10x's better than the ex. Link to comment
lillady898 Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 This is the last thing you should be thinking about right now. Otherwise, you're facings mile-long lists of "what ifs?," "what's she doings?," and "how can I win her overs?" That's not good for you. That will not help you move on, which you really need to do right now. She has apparently moved on... Now it's your turn. Think of her shady actions towards her bestfriend as an incentive for you to move on. Link to comment
Dating Coach Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 If your ex has moved on without you, then why are you still throwing yourself at her? Link to comment
gattsuga Posted October 25, 2005 Author Share Posted October 25, 2005 She tells me that she still has feelings for me... and she's having a hard time choosing between the two of us. She thinks she has to decide whether she wants to be in an old comfortable relationship, or a brand new clean one. Link to comment
lillady898 Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 She tells me that she still has feelings for me... and she's having a hard time choosing between the two of us. She thinks she has to decide whether she wants to be in an old comfortable relationship, or a brand new clean one. By sitting around and waiting for her, you're ultimately giving her all the control of the situation. I wouldn't doubt that she'll be feeding you the "I'm trying to choose" line a few months down the road as well. Why? Because she wants to test the waters with this guy, see if it's something she wants, and if not, you're her fall-back guy. She'll have that "comfortable" relationship to go right back to, because she knows you'll still be right there, waiting for her. That's not good. Personal opinion: Begin No Contact with her immediately, heal, and move on to the next. It's difficult, but you shouldn't allow yourself to be anyone's dormat. Link to comment
Dating Coach Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 She tells me that she still has feelings for me... and she's having a hard time choosing between the two of us. She thinks she has to decide whether she wants to be in an old comfortable relationship, or a brand new clean one. Do you really feel like you deserve to sit here and wait for her decision? I don't know about you but I respect myself too much to wait for someone who doesn't know if they want to be with me or not. You see, I won't settle for half love. I deserve someone who will love me without question. If you don't have enough self respect to see that you deserve someone who will treat you as you treat them then by all means, sit on your rump and wait for her "decision". Or, instead of being a victim of the situation, you can be the guy with balls and take control. You can say, "You don't know what you want? Well I know what I want, and sitting here waiting for someone to decide whether or not they like me is not it. So let me help your decision by taking me out of the equation. Good luck in life, I'm off to find someone worthy of me." Link to comment
BillyJean714 Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 If she can do that to her very own bestfriend, think about what it says about her character. And for her to sit around and say that she still has feelings for you? I don't believe that. She likes the attention of having both guys chase her around. Either she wants to be with you, or she doesn't. All she is doing is she's playing mind games. She's telling you these stupid words to keep you around, words she doesn't even mean, words that mask how she truly feels. If she really felt that strongly about you, there would be no him. He would be out of the picture. Anyway, the decision is up to you, but if you put yourself in her shoes, think about how she's thinking. If you did the same to her, I doubt she would stick around. Look at it from several perspectives; you'll eventually realize she ain't ALL that! Good luck to you. Link to comment
gattsuga Posted October 27, 2005 Author Share Posted October 27, 2005 She's worried that I won't treat her very well again. When we were dating, I was busy with my work and my schooling, and left little time for us. She doesn't want to be neglected again, and this new guy gives her so much attention and makes her feel really nice. and her best friend has been stuck in love with Bill for 2-3 years, and she doesn't appear to be able to ever move on with her life. But that still doesn't justify her actions. Link to comment
Dating Coach Posted October 27, 2005 Share Posted October 27, 2005 She's worried that I won't treat her very well again. When we were dating, I was busy with my work and my schooling, and left little time for us. She doesn't want to be neglected again, and this new guy gives her so much attention and makes her feel really nice. and her best friend has been stuck in love with Bill for 2-3 years, and she doesn't appear to be able to ever move on with her life. But that still doesn't justify her actions. Did you read what I said? I am curious about your answer. Do you really think that you deserve to sit here in limbo waiting for a decision from her? Or do you respect yourself enough to know that you deserve someone who doesn't need to decide whether or not they want you? Link to comment
gattsuga Posted October 27, 2005 Author Share Posted October 27, 2005 i'm not so easy to let go. i'm stubborn that way, and if I have a chance of getting with her, I'm not gonna let go of that chance. how can i just let go of someone i really love? it's unthinkable to me! Link to comment
Dating Coach Posted October 27, 2005 Share Posted October 27, 2005 i'm not so easy to let go. i'm stubborn that way, and if I have a chance of getting with her, I'm not gonna let go of that chance. how can i just let go of someone i really love? it's unthinkable to me! If you have a chance? No matter what the cost? So if there is very little chance, yet you must sacrifice all sense of dignity and self respect, you will still sit there in limbo and wait? I can see why she doesn't give you a straight up answer, she doesn't respect you enough to do so. Think about it. Why should she? You're willing to disrespect yourself and shred your dignity to sit there on the sidelines begging her for a decision. You think she can respect that? I don't. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now