Am I going about this right??

[Paperstreet]

I have been seeing this woman for 3 weeks now and it is going great, The problem is that I have come out of a serious relationship four months ago and I am struggling to keep the baggage out. I still have feelings for my ex (fading daily) and I still think about her often. I acted very immature in the previous relationship and carry some regrets over it. I feel that sometimes I am acting out towards the new girl (buying flowers, etc.) because of how I treated my ex. I then wonder if that means that the old baggage is leaking into this new relationship. The other side is that this new relationship is great, she is super fun to be with and we get along fine. I really like her a lot, but I'm kinda scared that I didn't give myself enough time to heal from the past and I don't want her getting turned off by all of this nonsense. I'm keeping all that stuff to myself for the time being. Should I tell her? Should I wait till I am comfortable with being over my ex till I tell her? Should I just let the past go altogether and enjoy what I am doing right now?? Any thoughts??

[Echo]

Paper,

 

I think it'svery mature that you're thinking this way. Many people don;t give themseves a lot of time to get over their previous relationships before jumping in another, so I commend you.

 

As for the current girl....she does deserve to know if you are not completely over your ex..I would want to know, BUT at the same time she needs to feel secure that your last relationship IS over. You telling her your "situation"..depending on HER maturity may cause her to shut down

or withdraw from you. I don;t know her so I cannot say how she will react..but as a woman..if a guy told ME he wasn;t over his ex yet...it would

make me VERY VERY cautious. I think as long as she knows you have no intentions of getting back with your ex, and that you aren;t going anywhere...then she should feel more confident in giving you the space to grieve your loss.

 

Hope that helps some.

[jna35]

I'd say take care of the baggage from your previous relationship before getting invovled too seriously with another. In other words, take things slowly. I think a lot of times we just continue to carry baggage from each relationship into the next until we need a cargo plane to carry it. I don't know how much you really need to tell your new girlfriend at this point, but letting her know that you need to take things slow would be a good place to begin. Let her know that you enjoy being with her. And then definitely let go of the past. If you don't it will continue to weigh you down. Good luck in your new relationship.

[Wonderland]

I got involved with my boyfriend about a month and a half after his fiance had left him.

 

He never fully admitted not being over her, but I knew he wasn't. I stumbled upon a couple of poems he wrote to/about her one day (they were left out on his kitchen table one day... i guess he didn't realise it).

 

It hurt that he was involved with me, but still thinking of and wanting her.

 

You need to tell her...