I Broke NC and I feel terrible...

[breeze33]

My ex-bf dumped me because he felt I wasn't the one. I was stunned because I was not expecting it. The night he broke up with me, I felt I had to move on right away so I wrote him a sort of lengthy email about how I felt. I never got a response back.

 

Almost a month passed and then the other day, I read an article that reminded me of some traumatic event he had undergone as a child. I emailed him the article and all I said was I read this and thought of you, nothing more. He wrote me thanking me for the article...and that he never meant to hurt me, he still cared for me but he wanted the best for me.

 

Needless to say, I was elated that he responded because I expected nothing in return. I sort of got carried away and wrote him how I learned something from the relationship and how I felt it helped me grow as a person. I still regarded him as a friend. What I wrote is a lot longer than what I'm saying here but I was opening my heart although not hinting at all about reconciliation.

 

I wrote that yesterday. Like the email I sent the night of our breakup, no response. I feel like I set myself up. I was going forward and now have gone backward because I expected some sort of reply. Now I understand about NC!

 

I guess I was so happy that he wrote me, that I got excited and carried away. I think he is not replying because he doesn't want to hurt me or lead me on. But it's a real setback and I feel so deflated at the moment. But it was something I felt I had to say...and yet I feel like a fool.

 

What do you guys think?

[miracle29]

Oh i'm sorry that you are feeling so down, but don't over analyze this at all. This will only prolong your healing process. If you made a mistake, its ok, you've been doing this good without that person, so don't let this one time thing make you feel that you have failed or done something so horrible. You are allowed a few mess ups...because you're not perfect and no one else is either. Just be patient and try not to drive yourself insane over this, relax and give it time.

[annie24]

definitely, forgive yourself! It's ok, we all slip up sometimes. Just don't write him back again. And if he responds to you, you'll be pleasantly surprised. good luck

[breeze33]

thanks for the support, miracle. I needed that.

 

At the time, it felt so right to write him....

 

I guess I was having unrealistic expectations. And it has indeed set me back. I was doing pretty good moving forward and yet in the back of my mind, there was always this little question of contacting him and what would he do.

 

Someone here said that you have to hold on for 60 days and then you can break NC...by that time, your feelings have changed. The feelings are too fresh at the moment. All I need is to get past this.

[breeze33]

Annie, I definitely will not write him again. I guess that little question in the back of my mind has been answered. It's really, really over.

 

I just feel like a fool at the moment.

[miracle29]

Not saying in any way shape or form that I'm perfect but I am the numero uno NC queen. The truth is NC is easy for me because when I was single and a man pissed me off, I'd cut him off so quick that by the time he did contact me, I didnt want to hear from him. Also I was raised with Uncle's and a brother who drilled it in my head to be less emotional and very cold and callus towards men who hurt me. However I realize most people are not like this and for those of you who are not NC Queen's or Kings....don't go beating yourself up about not being able to cut people off like paper because everyone is different. So keep being strong and don't just use the NC thing as a "i'm waiting on him to contact me or her to contact me" ...the NC is more so for your healing and to keep you from worrying about this person actions. Don't expect anything from anyone, don't wait or over analyze his next move. NC is suppose to help you maintain and help you move on so you wont be stuck at home sulking about someone who may or may NOT be sulking about you.

[Hope75]

I agree with others. You are human, you are hurting, and it is not an easy thing to be told by the one you love that you are not their one, and it takes time to move on.

 

Forgive yourself, chalk it up to a slip in judgement, and try not to worry about it.

 

All the best.

[breeze33]

I was definitely was moving on, or so I thought. I joined a dating service. In fact, I have been dating quite a few guys and it's been a boost to my ego as well as fun. That night I met someone and we got into a deep discussion about life, love...

 

Then when I came home after the date and saw he answered my email regarding the article, I was on this cloud of "understanding" after my discussion with this new guy and I felt I could handle it and let my thoughts flow.

 

It felt right at the time....and it felt good. I guess it's like sex with your ex. It feels good at the time but the next day, you feel bad later, LOL.

[cinnamon_pods]

It's ok breeze, hug yourself & forgive it. We need to love ourselves & be nice to them!

I'm on NC & I get alot of thoughts to break it everyday. I even thought of inviting him to the forum lol. I miss being happy, I miss being excited, I wanna know his news & if he's fine. I feel guilty sometimes, confused other times, depressed most of time..

The true good moments we had..the real love I felt don't leave my mind & makes me wonder how it ended like this!!

[breeze33]

I'm on NC & I get alot of thoughts to break it everyday. I even thought of inviting him to the forum lol. I miss being happy, I miss being excited, I wanna know his news & if he's fine. I feel guilty sometimes, confused other times, depressed most of time..

 

I know that feeling very well, cinnamon. *hugs* back to you. Hang in there.

 

He was just soooo nice and had a lot of goodness inside of him. I think that's what makes it harder because I can't hate him! Unfortunately, there were too many obstacles in the way. My therapist told me that he did me a favor by being honest and breaking up with me sooner rather than a year or two later...which would have been a harder break. It was only a four month relationship but I fell in love quickly and he told me he loved me too.

 

**Update: he did respond by thanking me for what I said. He told me he missed seeing me. As someone advised, I will not respond.

 

Gosh, I'm glad I have you guys here for support and advice!