Boring relationship

[rosstheboss]

ok so heres the story:

my girlfriend and i have been going out for 1 year next week. we care very much for each other and there are very strong feelings between us but our relationship is very boring. it mainly comes down to the fact that we are very very different people and because of this we don't have a great amount of things to talk about. now the entire relationship has turnned into a big routine; all we seem to do is watch tv together. we do try and do things together like go to parties, go swimming etc but when we're there we still don't have a great deal to talk about. its our aniversary next week and i would like to take her out for a nice meal but i can just imagine us sitting facing each other eating in silence.

i really don't want to break up with her but the way things are going it could happen. should i bring it up with her and try to bring some excitment back and if so, how? or are we doomed into boredom?

[Iceman26]

Well, you have to change something or your relationship won't last. You need to break the routine, so you can have experiences that will bond you together and give you things to talk about.

 

I wouldnt bring it up to her, don't just take her out to dinner, plan something special and unique. Maybe try taking up some activities together...know what I mean?

[babycristy456]

You should try to start having conversations with her. Talk about different things. Just bc you have different interests does not mean that you can't share them. Having different interests sometimes makes relationships more interesting bc you are always surprising each other. Invite her to dinner and start thinking of different conversation topics that will spark a long conversation. Remember, if you can't communicate, you can't have a good relationship.

[highlighter]

does she talk more around her friends? she's probably a lot more outgoing with her close friends..don't make it awkward by making small talk about the weather, her day or etc..Maybe try to bring up old memories with her, im sure you two have a ton since you've been together for a year. Particularly a memory that you guys can laugh about..Also compliment her and make her laugh and smile so you're both in good moods. the last thing you want to bring up is that you're bored with the relationship cause then she'll start acting distant (Believe me, this is exactly how me nd my ex-bf relationship was like and once it was brought up things got worse)

[darkblue]

Ask open ended questions.

About her. Her day. Her background. Her interests - And LISTEN; and RELATE to what she says.

Anything to keep a converstation going.

[rosstheboss]

thanks for the tips.

 

a few of you have said dont bring it up with her but i forgot to mention that she doesn feel the same as she brought it up first. does that make any difference?

 

thanks again

[punchy504]

you guys could join something TOGETHER, then you would definitely have sometthing to talk about, ballroom dancing, cooking classes might be even better etc.

[RayKay]

Honestly...I think when you get to the point you no longer have anything to talk about, there are some big issues there. I have been in some long relationships, and never run out of things to say, or discuss, or stopped having fun together...and if that DID happen..it meant things were on the way out. The relationship had run its course, as while we cared about each other, we were not true life partners.

 

I know for me, one big quality in a partner is someone whom has a similar lifestyle - ie I am very physically active, and I prefer my partner is too...we don't have to enjoy SAME things, but have a mutual interest in living actively, in trying other things out, learning from one another and so forth. Another quality is someone interested in me, and me being interested in them, and how they think, how I think, so we don't run out of things to talk about. My mom and stepfather have been together almost 20 years and have tons of fun together, enjoy things together, talk a lot..and that friendship is probably a big part of their lasting power!

 

I am not sure what the answer is, you can try joining something together (like dancing lessons) or trying out each others interests, but sometimes when you are that different, to point you have very different lifestyles, it can really affect things. But if you care about her, and love her, then you two have to come up with solutions together on how you may address it.

[cutiewendy]

My husband and I have little to talk about also, and I do wish we did. For some reason though, we still enjoy each other's company, and miss each other if apart. There is still some sort of chemistry, as our breath were shared, and that holding hands or being near each other was conversation. It just feels natural to be together. It's really weird because we have basically nothing in common at all - we are nearly total opposites. The sex is great though. I don't really get a thrill or exitement from being with her, especially when we go out, I just like it that we belong together, that we are mates. I don't know, low expecations? Anyway, I know how you feel, and if you are not deeply in love and attached, then why not move on, but if you are, then you probably couldn't if you tried anyway.