BF in tears

[flowergirl]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months. He wasn't exactly a picture of perfection in the way he ended his last relationship and then dove into ours. My family saw it all go down. Now they are leary of him but say they like him. I took him out to lunch with family today. He was a little hesitant because he feels that in the face of them he is a failure or a loser. His words-not mine. Everything went well in my eyes except that he didn't talk hardly at all during lunch. I am the type to fill in the spaces to put everyone at ease. We left and I thought he would feel better and more accepted into my family. They were all kind to him and talked to him as much as they could. However, we got in the car and he was in tears. He wouldn't talk to me about it. I respected his need for alone time to navigate his feelings. I am now at home writing this. I left him a note before I left his place saying that he is a beautiful, wonderful man and he did nothing innappropriate to feel like a loser or anything of the like. I said he needs to acknowledge his own beauty so that he can share that with others. I am confused? I am not sure what to say or do from here? Any words?????

[DN]

Why does he think he appears to be a failure or a loser? That seems to me to be the key to the problem. Incidentally, do you know his family background and if he has he ever been treated for depression?

[flowergirl]

His mother abandoned him as a teenager. His ex fiance abandoned him for a new man that she is marrying next month. My family ignored him after I called them crying when I found out he was in contact with his ex and tryong to win her back when he told me he was just trying to reach closure with her. My family, out of love and protection for me, haven't really included him in anything since. However, as my love for him has grown they are actively trying to like him as well---for me. On his part I think its a pattern of feeling rejection from people. Something he acknowledges and is working on personally.

[DN]

Sounds as if he has had a hard life. It could be that he was crying simply because of the emotional strain of being with people that he knows don't really like him - despite their best efforts. And that he fears he will again be rejected.