We got back together but it's been hard...

[spanisheyes]

We finally started communicating and we worked it out. We have been back together for a little over a month now. I'm happy that we have made the decision to stick this out but it's been hard. Here's what's going on.

 

Since we have been back together, he has stood me up more times than I can count. From problems with his son's mom to running out of gas to problems with financial aid at school, to being in the emergency room...you name it. Ok I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt that we've just had a run of bad luck. He will apologize profusley and we'll move on. In the last 2 weeks, I have only seen him for a total of about 4 hours. He said he's been real busy at school but I'm just feeling ignored. I've had a rough week at work and have been really down and I've really needed him and he just hasn't been there. Last night I called him and I started to tell him what was going on with work, etc and he said he would call me right back but he never did.

 

I've talked to him about how I've been feeling and he always apologizes and begs me to understand and I try to but I feel like I'm always his last priority...more a convenience than anything. He wrote me a really nice card a few days ago saying he knows we've been going through some things and he hopes things will get better. We haven't had sex in like a month...and I keep telling him I would like to and he says he would too but he just doesn't have time. We've spent enought time arguing and not enough time "making up". I'd like to re-connect with him that way.

 

Right now, I'm frustrated. I feel like I should practice NC for a few days and make him miss me and want me. But I don't want to push him away and then in turn he might push me away and soon we'll be so far apart that there won't be any going back. I've talked to him about this so much and he always says he understands and that he wants to make me happy and I leave the conversation happy and encouraged but things just stay the same or get worse. I'm at a loss...

 

Thank you in advance for any suggestions you might have. I appreciate it!

[RayKay]

Wow, it sounds like it's a great thing you got back together.....

 

Why did you get back together, because honestly it does not sound like he is all that interested, nor has that much time for you.

 

Alright, I mean this is definitely not a book that is the best relationship book out there, but it does have some good points and is an easy read, but that "He's Just Not Into You" sounds like it fits your relationship to a tee.

 

If he's not calling you...he's just not that into you.

If he's not seeing you....he's just not that into you.

If he's not wanting to sleep with you...he's just not that into you.

If he's too busy for you....he's just not that into you.

 

Excuses, are just that excuses. I could understand him being tied up sometimes, but I mean...4 hours in the last two weeks? Ridiculous..are YOU happy with that? Do YOU think that's reasonable? It's not like he follows through on his promises...is that a good quality in the man you want to be with?

 

I know people whom work all sorts of weird, long shifts, have other commitments, and still make time for their partners...at least to call them back and talk to them!

 

Sure distance yourself, but honestly, I think you need to assess whether this guy is really the right guy for you and whether he is filling your emotional needs.

[cinderella jones]

So let me ask all of you something...right now I am seeing someone who is not that communicative but does project his interest in living with me and wanting a future with me....when he does communicate....However right now he is struggling financially and I am aware that he is in a bind presently in his life...but I am a hopelesss romantic and I believe that you should love someone based on them alone and nothing else..So I have been really good with him in a sense that I am understanding and am not expecting things from him. Now we usually tend to see each other only on the weekends because we live about 40 minutes away from one another....problem is I feel like I am always going to see him and it can get uncomfortable b/c he lives with his sister and brother and quite frankly when I am there he is sometimes working on his commputer and then i find myself hanging wit his sister more so then with him unless we are watching a movie in his room...now..I have my own place..but he claims he can't always come to me because his car needs fixing and he needs to use his car only when he sees his clients...until it gets fixed he doesn't want to come to me...now I am an understanding person but I feel like I am constantly being the understanding one and yet he won't compromise....am I asking for too much...am I complaining when I do not have to?...I am not sure if I am being ridiculous about this..and I am upset because over IM he exploded at me when i suggested he come down to see me....he made it seem as if I don't understand his situation....but I do..i just don't get why he can't come down and then we can use my car once he is here when we go out...but again he made my request seem as if I am not thinking of him....what do I do about this?...DO I have a right to be pissed at his emtional outburst to me..???

[djedix]

yes

 

because he could take the bus.

or walk.

or get a ride from a friend..

fly for all i care

when you love someone, you will find a way.....

Why wouldn't he wana come see you, you have your own place! you guys could be alone and stuff...

[Itsok]

I also say read "he's just not that into you." Why did you get back together, to never see the guy? He sounds like he is making excuses to me.

 

Do no contact alright. And while you are, decide if you really want someone who doesn't have time for you but has time to think up all these excuses! I feel so sorry for you!

 

I feel like your bf is just keeping you on the sidelines or something. You have every right to be upset darling.

 

Choose your steps wisely.

[dEllInDa]

No Contact, No Contact.

Try not to be available all the time for him. Be busy!!!

Everyone likes a challenge, make him work for you. He needs to realize why the two of you got back together.

My thought on Excuses. . . the only person an excuse is good for, is the one giving it.