feeling sad..how do I snap out of this

[cinderella jones]

Hi Guys,

 

I was wondering if anyone out there can make me feel better. Just recently my x has been trying to get me back. I am now seeing someone new but I still have this connection with my x that is haunting me. The problem with the x is that we broke up on account of his womanizing ways. He is an insecure person for reasons that I am aware of however I know that those are no excuses for his behavior. We have been broken up for over a year now, however he keeps in touch with me every once and a while and again is trying his best to claim he is a changed person who finally grew up. I wouldn't find him so haunting accept that his mom baby sits my nephew and makes it hard for me to move on in a clean break sort of way. Just yesterday however my x told me that he doesn't think he should keep talking to me and has finally decided to not to keep in touch anymore. I am not sure if this is his manipulativce ways at work with me or am I the one who wants him around..If this is the case...what is wrong with me...am I fooling myself about him...physically we are great and I guess I don't have that same connection with the guy I am seeing now..although I love this man because of his heart. Can someone help me figure out what I am feeling? or what to do?

[smallworld]

Welcome Cinderella. I read your previous posts regarding your Ex and I really feel for you. It's hard to have strong feelings for someone, but know in your heart that they might not be quite right for you. Do you trust him? Do you really believe that the things that kept you from "moving forward" in the 4 year relationship have honestly changed and are no longer an issue? What has he done to show you that he's really changed? Is there anything that he could honestly ever do that would convince you things would be different this time around?

 

As for telling you he doesn't think he should keep contact anymore, it could be manipulative or it could be the truth. It's painful for anyone -- even the womanizers -- to keep getting rejected. Either way take him at his word and decide before he leaves whether or not he could really ever make you happy. If not, then it's probably time to let him go.

 

As for your current bf, I truly believe that if he was the one for you, you wouldn't even be thinking about your Ex. He may have a wonderful heart, but it doesn't sound like he's meeting your deeper needs whatever they may be. It might be worthwhile for you to take out some pen and paper and write out what it is you really need and want from a relationship and then look at both relationships and see how they compare. Ascertain what it is you really want and who you should be with (or not) should become clear.

[NewGuy01]

this is the same kind of crap that makes me feel the way I do in my post here. You women need to learn to cut the ex's off - clean and complete. They are an ex for a reason.

 

My god you are dating someone whom you claim to love, and you are sitting aroudn thinking of your ex? thinking of him romatically and physically? How fair is that to your current significant other? I just dont get this at all.

 

Sorry I didnt make you feel better, but my tip is to start feeling better, decide who you want to commit to for starters, and then enjoy your life with them.

[kellbell]

"You women need to learn to cut the ex's off - clean and complete. They are an ex for a reason. "

umm, there are plenty of guys on this board who do the same thing with their ex's, so let's not generalize.

 

Anyway, it sounds like your feelings are a bit conflicted. It sounds like you didn't fully get over your ex before you got into the likes of this new fellow and now it coming to bite you is the a$$. Perhaps you need a break from both of these guys so you have a chance to sort out your feelings.

[cinderella jones]

HI YES,

 

You are both right. And New Guy you are right about choosing and doing right by that person. Trust me I hate feeling this and even thinking about it. I have been honest to my current b-friend about how my x keeps in touch so he is aware of him. Also, I love the new man in my life because he is warm and kind and would never want to hurt me. The only reason why I question it is because financially he is really unstable and I am afraid he is use to people doing things for him. - He lives with his family and I notice those latino tradional ways that I believe he is use to. I am not sure how I feel about that. I also have told my ex time and time again that I am with someone that I love, but like I said he is persistent and really claims that he has changed and that it would be ashame to throw it all away. I am still angry at him, and I also do not know if I can trust him. But we do have this connection. I wish the new guy were more stable financially only because we just started going out and I already see this financial problem as a strain in our lives. This is why I think I may be misplacing my emotions..because I guesss I feel that issue with age and marriage and it is making me feel anxiety. I appreciate the voice of a guy and woman with advice though....any other words or advice on how I can be stronger?

[cinderella jones]

Thanks Kell bell for your advice now and previously....u sound so strong...wishing I was feeling this way now...lol

[kellbell]

Cinderella,

 

See, I am telling you, when a dude has financial troubles, it reeks havoc on a serious relationship. It will only get worse. It's sad, that money is the number one reason why couples fight and break up. I hope things get better for you.

[NewGuy01]

with the additional info, it sounds like maybe neither are right for you and what you seek and want. But the fact still remains, the ex is an ex for large important reasons - and you say you cant trust him. The connection is purely physical it sounds to me. Move on from him, wipe him from your mind. Then move onto the real issue of if you are happy with the current boyfriend.