NewGuy01

with the additional info, it sounds like maybe neither are right for you and what you seek and want. But the fact still remains, the ex is an ex for large important reasons - and you say you cant trust him. The connection is purely physical it sounds to me. Move on from him, wipe him from your mind. Then move onto the real issue of if you are happy with the current boyfriend.

this is the same kind of crap that makes me feel the way I do in my post here. You women need to learn to cut the ex's off - clean and complete. They are an ex for a reason. My god you are dating someone whom you claim to love, and you are sitting aroudn thinking of your ex? thinking of him romatically and physically? How fair is that to your current significant other? I just dont get this at all. Sorry I didnt make you feel better, but my tip is to start feeling better, decide who you want to commit to for starters, and then enjoy your life with them.

no other input? I really would like to hear others views on this.

Hello all, first time posting here for me. Let me break this down by stating the question then giving the scenario, and finally giving some background for why I feel the way I do. Then I would love to hear your thoughts, opinions, and advice regarding this. The question: When two people are in a committed relationship, love each other, want to plan a future together forever... is it ok for one of them to still have friendships with an ex lover or is it just better to leave your ex lovers in the past and move on to your future? The scenario: My girlfriend and I have been friends via an online game for two years. We recently took it to the next level 4 months ago and met in person, and hit it off really well and have continued to see each other in person. We are both over 30, I have never been married and no kids, she is in the final stages of a divorce with two kids. We have fallen in love with each other. I think she is absolutely fantastic for me. I think her children are adorable. She and I have several mutual friends in RL and game. Myself and my best friend are moving up north to relocate (for various reasons, jobs, economy, tired of where we live, for me to be with her, to be around our friends)... She and I get along perfectly. I'm looking forward to making this a more standard real thing as opposed to the long distance thing. Here is a small problem that is making me wonder before I make this move, if I should really stop and re-consider it more carefully: First of all, she has been married for 10 years, and yes, I know that the ex husband will be in the picture simply because he will have visitation rights with the children. This is not an issue for me, and the communication she and he have is strictly business-like dealing with the kids. I obviously know that he will not just 'disappear' from our lives, because he is the father. I have no problem with this whatsoever. The problem comes with the fact that she is 'best friends' with a former lover. Let me explain... Apparently, before her marriage, she and this guy were great friends, stictly plutonic. But at some point they decided to try a relationship and that lasted for about a month, when they finally had sex she says it was terrible for both of them and they decided a relationship wouldnt work for them and to go back to just being friends. Now when we first started talking romantically, asking questions etc... One thing I made perfectly clear was that in my last relationship I went thru a ton of junk with my GF's ex-boyfriends cuz she was friends with them. I made it perfectly clear before she and I moved to the next level, that it is something I have promised myself I will never deal with again. I will not be in a situation where the ex's are still present. She mentioned to me about her ex friend but they hadn't spoken for over 4 years so it didnt really mean anything to me. Well, a couple months ago, she was talking to her ex's sister about her divorce and the sister invited her down and said her brother (the ex) was coming over with his new fiancee - so she went and they hung out. Whatever, I didnt say anything about it, even though I did get that feeling of "here we go again with the ex thing"... anyhow, 2 months pass and they havent talked - they dont seem to keep in touch at all whatsoever (which makes me wonder why she even calls him bestfriend anyhow), and then last night in our conversation she tells me how they have matching tattoos. I didnt say much. Then she says something about you will see it when you meet him. I speak up and say, um, I dont plan on ever meeting him. Then all of a sudden she seems surprised. I told her I thought I was very clear on the topic that I never would allow myself to be in a relationship where there are ex's involved. So then she said well why dont you just tell me that Im not ever allowed to talk to him again. I said I wont say that, cuz thats not fair, but I just dont like it. She said well Im not going to go see him without you, and you have no interest to meet him, so I guess I cant see him anymore. I told her that I dont think I should be made to feel guilty about this - its just how I feel and I was clear on the ex thing from the start. The reason I'm posting this, is because while I definitely dont want to have ex's in my life with my relationship, I dont doubt that their friendship is only a friendship. I mean they slept together one time and that was over 13 years ago. When I look at it like that I even feel kind of silly cuz its nothing, its not a big deal. But at the same time, it is. Its uncomfortable. I dont want to be hanging out with someone that she was formerly intimate and romantic with, no matter how short lived it was. I promised myself 5 years ago that I would never ever again be in a relationship when there are ex's still in the situation. I went thru that hell, and it took a long time to recover from that. (yea, in that relationship, she ended up cheating on me with her one ex that was only a friend, and a month after i left her she slept with the other one and got knocked up). I just dont like the ex thing cuz I know the reality of things are that its easy to find yourself in a situation that could comprimise your relationship. Its not worth it to me. I dont understand why you just cant leave your past in the past and move on with your future. Why bring baggage that doesnt need to be brought? Anyhow - Im interested to see your thoughts on this.