He broke it off, couldn't commit...accidently saw him again.

[danylion]

I have posted before but i dont know how to add the link!!?? Basically my ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago because he said he couldn't see a future with me, couldn't give me what i want, ie marriage and children and that i would be wanting that soon. Im 28 and he's 34, can i just add i don't want either yet but i will not rule it out. Reluctantly I had to agree as I won't promise any man that I will not get pregnant or want to buy a property. So i had to agree with him , I mean what is the point if he sees no future? So without an argument we said it was for the best....its all so sad, I love him massively and I did want him in my future.

 

Also he feels like he's lost his identidy, its my flat etc. I felt he was loosing it too and I was in the past subtly saying to him that he should call his mates and go out on a lads night out or i'll make myself scarse and he can get his bro over. He didn't and just wanted me to stay with him at home or complained if i had my girls over.

 

but i feel its really important to have outside intrests every now and again. Anyway we broke up and have seen each other twice since. The 1st was last weekend, which was arranged outside the flat because he couldn't bear to be at home with me, he knows he'll want to come back? And the 2nd which I want to tell you about, was by accident.

 

I went away for the weekend to get my head together and be away from London. I returned on monday morning and Guess who was in the flat when I returned.....the ex! He was there to pack up his stuff as he still has'nt moved out, which is making it unbearable. He was very attacking when he saw me, as he said he warned me that he was coming. My phone had died while i was away and i had forgotten my charger, he did not believe this and was very sceptical and thereforeeee stand offish.

 

I think he's trying to put up a wall to break off all emotion. Which soon became obvious that he couldn't because he told me how hard it was to be near me that he still wants me and kept talking about lets say intimate issues. I said that there is no way anything will happen between us, so you don't have to restrain yourself. I have been way too accomodating, so much so that I think he thinks its all an act.

To be honest, I just dont want to make this worse and I just want to move on, because I know things will never be the same. Seeing him was incredibly hard and I told him, I am not going to pretend that I am all happy and oh well whatever. I have mixed emotions, I see him and I miss him so much it is searing pain and at the same time I just want him to move out asap....HOW CONFUSING & HOW UNFAIR?

 

He will be out by the weekend and then I know I can really start to accept all this and grieve, so to speak. Really dreading it but I feel like im stuck in glue and can't go anywhere until his things are gone.

 

He wants the friend thing and made me promise that I would call and tell him not only if I found someone new but if I have I slept with someone. Now this I find very strange as I do not want him to call me and fill me in on his latest conquests! would any normal person? He also kept asking if I have slept or even kissed anyone in the past two weeks, simply because he wants me to move on??!!..... This cheapened what respect I thought he had for me and i found really rather hurtful. Why torment yourself?

 

I know it will take an long time, I have gone through break ups before but there was always a reason usually they didn't feel what they use to, its fizzled out or the worst they have met someone else. But with my ex nothing, It was blatent yesterday that he found it hard to be with me and I kept catching him looking at me for ages and playfully trying to start a play fight with me using my laundry,( which i trying hang) i was trying to leave him alone to pack. He hugged me loads, which I wanted so much and didn't want to let him go...you see if felt so right, both our hearts were beating so loud and fast. He kept saying its for the best and sighing, like he was re-assuring himself.

I know he did'nt want to see me in our home because he was affaid he might display emotion which he did. He is very proun and its hard for him to admit he was wrong. He'd rather accept his fate and I suppose suffer, he said it was hard breaking up with me as other girl/f he jad felt sorry for that they would suffer, but with me he didn't, he said he saw me as an equal and I was strong and do better.

He also wanted to go through all our photos and take some, which he took alot. I never had that B4, when I ve split up with a guy they normally feel too guilty and just wanna get the hell out of there. He stayed the whole day, he did'nt have too as he was coming back today (while i am at work) and he does'nt have that much stuff.

 

I am not looking to get back together with Him (got I want him to say he was wrong but deep down I'll be insecure), I couldn't go back as I would be walking on egg shells. I need to be sure of my future not waiting for him to get the fear. I just need to post the "post break up meetings", its so strange. I just don't understand any of this, constantly asking why?

 

Well he left after lots of long tight hugs, I said go and he went. I cried like a baby, walking through the flat reliving the past hours. He then texted to say thankyou for today, it was so hard but soon it will all make sense.

I replied that i agreed and to take care.

 

We now are doing the so-called amicable split, the brave and mature way to break up, but it doesnt make it easier sometimes i wish I could hate him to forget. Guess i love him way too much and he knows that, everybody does so I guess there point in pretending!

 

Above everything I feel like the biggest fool, can any1 relate to feeling so foolish?

 

Oh well only a few more days to go, its gonna be hell when all the stuff is cleared on monday and I will be properly alone. Thats when its gonna hit....so expect more posts guys

[dreamy333]

cut it off cold turkey you are wasting time and dont have alot to be wasting

[Tryingtobestrong]

Hi dany

 

I have been in your shoes a year ago. He also did not seem to really want to leave. Even told me after a few days that he made a mistake. A week later he changed his mind again. I used to think we would get back together for sure as there were so many feelings on both sides and there was no real reason for the breakup, other than him not seeing a future for us due to marriage and children (sound familiar?).

 

So I stayed in touch with him hoping that he would change his mind soon, well he did not and 6 months later I cut off all contact with him. I still think about him a lot, especially as he still tries to contact me from time to time.

 

I changed my phone number and emailaddress back in June and since than it's been easier as he cant contact me anymore. I figure if he changed his mind he knows my address. He can always just show up or send me a letter.

 

My advice to you would be to not play the friend-game. As long as you still love him it will just hurt too much as every sign of emotion from his side might confuse you and give you false hope.

 

Say all you have to say to him now and then ask him to stay away from you. Once you are ready to be friends you will contact him.

 

It took me a long time till the healing process started and I am still in the middle of it. I hope yours will be faster.

 

All the best