Question: Did I lose the love of my life? PLS HELP! =)

[Jadtt]

I know it is long, but ANY advice would be greatly appreciated:

 

I am going to try and shorten this story as much as possible.

 

Me and my ex mutually decided to break up at the beginning of August. I was coming out of relationship when I began dating him, and he was just plain freaking out on me. For five weeks after our break-up I did not make any attempt to contact him. It was quite painful to say the least, quite painful!!!

 

All of a sudden, out of the blue he called me on my birthday to wish me a happy birthday. Additionally, he told me he had a gift for me. He is an artist and had drawn this amazing picture for me when we first started dating. He had called one day and said that I was inspiring and the reason for the picture. When he called on my birthday he said he was having the picture framed and matted for me as a birthday present. His birthday is 4 days after mine, the day after my birthday was his 30th birthday party. I had previously been invited but decided not to attend. While on the phone with him, he asked if I was coming. I had told him I was not planning on it, but I would come.

 

I went to his party, looking the BEST I had ever looked. I had 5 weeks to work on myself, I was confident, happy, everything I needed to be and we had a great time. He was very touchy feely with me, towards the end of the night he asked me to come on the bow of his boat for a private conversation. We just laid down next to each other and chatted.

 

I saw him two more times after that at a mutual friends house and we got along great. Then, he came to my birthday party. For the first hour and a half I was having a blast with my friends, dancing, hanging out and not really giving him too much attention. I would just walk up from time to time with a smile on my face and chat with him, then continue having fun. Towards the end of the night he was being pretty anti-social, so I decided to sit next to him. We talked for a couple hours, laughed. During our time of talking he would grab my arm or put his hand on my leg. He then invited me to breakfast afterwards.

 

He called me the next week to ask if he could stop by my house to drop off a birthday present (on a Tuesday) and I said that I was sorry but I had plans. He called me again that Friday and we made plans to go out to dinner this Tuesday and for him to drop off the picture.

 

This past Sunday, I went to his house. His roomate is my really good friend and I was picking her up for a baby shower. He was getting ready to go to his Uncle's wedding when another girl walked into the house. I was instantly caught off guard, my friend insisted they were just going to a wedding and he was not interested in this girl.

 

We got back from the baby shower and I walked into his house to find him and the girl sitty very cozy on the couch. Although my friend had stated they were just friends, it was just a wedding, I instantly became unglued. I asked to speak with him privately and told him that we were not at a point in our friendship where I could handle seeing him with other women. I said this while SHE was still there. Of course, he was instantly mad.

 

He blew me off this Tuesday and didn't call. I had some things of his and I stopped by his house to drop them off (I had just found out my work schedule would be very busy this week and I would be going out of town). We chatted, he said that I had bad timing and was not in control of my emotions. I agreed with him that I chose the wrong time to express my feelings to him and I was very inappropriate. We sat on the couch, at first I was facing him and he was sitting staring straight ahead. Again, I said that I was wrong and inappropriate and that my reaction was uncontrolled and due to the girl he was with (I have not liked her for a long time).

 

A funny thing is that after agreeing with him, he said "I completely understand now how you reacted". We talked a little bit about our relationship and I told him that it was bad timing, and that I had thought I could take on a little bit more than I could with him at that time in my life. He said "I think we were both just not at our best while we were dating". Towards the end of the conversation he moved so he was facing me, I could tell in his eyes he still has feelings for me.

 

After reading this book I am now scared! I did all the right things and then lost control of my emotions on Sunday, appearing needy, insecure and unhappy. I am scared that all the work I did has now become undone. He said he wants to remain friends. I asked him if there was a possibility of us dating in the future and he replied "There is a definite possibility of that, unless you don't want it". I am confused by this statement. I think this means "I love you and have feelings for you, but I don't want to be in a relationship with you right now. I am confused and I want to keep you on the side".

 

Did I screw everything up by my actions on Sunday, is this relationship even salvagable?

[DN]

No you didn't and yes it is.

 

Assuming he isn't seeing this girl then it seems to me that he is interested in getting back with you. And, when you freaked on him, you let him know that you still love him.

 

Chances are that when he said "There is a definite possibility of that, unless you don't want it" that he could have been hoping for a more positive response from you.

 

If you want him then you should talk to him with a view to getting back together now and working on the relationship to fix the problems that broke you up in the first place.

[Mythica]

I think what the statement he made meant: "I want you back" not "I want you on the side. I may be young, but I have many male friends. Most of them are my age, some of them are Senior's in HS, others are about 21-27. Of course, the Freshmen with me, Softmores, and Seniors are in the High School with me, but the college students are friends of my older sister and her fiance. When I need advice, I go to them. And about 80% of the time, they are right. I've gotten that same statement from my ex two or three times. It meant the exact same thing. So my advice is: Go for it. Do not waste time. Don't let your man get snagged up by some two bit hussie! lol.

[Jadtt]

Thanks to the replies thus far! I appreciate it.

 

Any other advice would be greatly appreciated. I have not spoken with this man for 2 weeks since we last chatted (when he said there is a def possibility of us dating in the future).

 

I am remaining positive and open and thinking:

 

a) he needs to cool off (even though our convo ended well)

b) i know he is busy w/school (he's back to college)

c) he's been helping his best friend/roomate work on her house all of his spare time. she's moving out of his in nov, but he wants her out asap so he can have another renter in his loft upstairs.

 

I don't think he's had time to call me. But, at the same time, wouldn't he call if he truly wanted me back?

[Mythica]

I think he may be waiting for you to make the first move

[Jadtt]

Mythica, I LOVE your signature.

 

Maybe he is waiting for me to make the first move. I'm not sure...it seems like I am always making the first move. I have sent him an email...no reply (he was going to help me with some work stuff). I've texted him...no reply.

 

What's weird is that he got IM so he could chat with me, he hasn't been logging on for 2 days, but I know he's been online (we post in the same chatroom). Just a couple of minutes ago he logged on (he has it said so when he starts up his computer it automatically logs him on).

 

thereforeeee, the worried, fear-driven, insecure part of me is like "oh no! maybe he's staying the night at another woman's house and he was logging on to the website from there!". However, just two weeks ago is when he had no one else to take to the wedding except for his skanky friend.

 

Oh! I need to learn how to stop these bad thoughts I have! I am trying SO HARD not to be negative. It could be just as simple as him just not logging on, or me just not seeing it (even though he was on this morning, but not on IM).

 

Who knows....

 

I wish I could stop thinking about stuff like this.