end it

[starrystarrynight]

im an exchange student, fell in love on my semester in sweden, but i have a boyfriend at home. i love him and want to spend my life with him. although i now want to give my current-love everything i know i cant as long as im with my boyfriend. im sick of dour face staring at me i dont know i want roses on my grave i think. i just thought of a way to get that all straightened out. i could just follow my feelings and do everything i want with my newly found love and then, a couple of days before going home, i could just die. im injuring myself now for about 5 years and i eventually have to make an end to that. i think its the best possibility. to me, it sounds really sober and thought through now. i guess i want it to be this way and just let the world know it. im not afraid of dying. i think its the only way not to feel worse about what im doing. everything at home is redecorated as we 'speak', i m not going to recognize anything i dont want to return. help. i want to disappear...want to end it without hurting other people just dont want to be here anymore

[Shangori]

Being in two relationships myself atm, I know it feels horrible. Thats why I wanted to give you my thoughts about this I'm not suicidal myself anymore, so that part I can only imagine.

 

This being my first post, I might as well try my best. Ah well, here goes:

 

i doubt killing yourself is the right thing to do. in my opinion it sounds kind of selfish. trying to have fun and then just leaving at least 2 others sad behind.

when you look besides that, you do need to make a choice (same for me). Right now, i really have no clue who to choose yet. i probably go with the one that lives closest to me. What i do know, is that i cant end up keeping both of them this close to me. I love my girlfriend loads, but I know that if things arent working out in a relationship, you end up looking elsewhere for that love. I guess i did that too and perhaps this is also the case for you.

Try to talk about things with the lover you have at your exchange address and try to see what they want.

 

dont be too hasty making decisions. Try to figure out who you want the most and go for them. Yes, this is selfish too, but in this kind of situation the outcome is always nasty. you will always end up hurting someone and you'll always end up hurting yourself. good luck with it i know you'll be strong enough, just like me (eventually

[Hope75]

i want to disappear...want to end it without hurting other people just dont want to be here anymore

 

Do you think if you end your life you will not be hurting the people who love you? It will be devestating to them.

 

If you want to spend your life with your boyfriend at home than stop seeing the other man and when you go home make it up to your boyfriend.

 

Are you in therapy for your self mutilation? I strongly recommend you seek out therapy, it could help you figure out exactly why you are hurting yourself and how to stop.

 

Nothing is worth ending your life for.

[DN]

Killing yourself is a drastic way to avoid making a decision. So don't do that.

 

Instead write down all the reasons you love your boyfriend and then write down all the reasons you want to be with this current guy.

 

Think very carefully and don't leave anything out, no matter how small.

 

Then read the lists through several times and the solution to your problem may occur to you. Take a few days to do this.

 

If that doesn't work, come back on here and we'll think of another way of helping you.

[starrystarrynight]

I'm grateful for your advices. I'm going on a trip over the weekend and I think it's an opportunity for me to figure out what I'm to do. Although the suicide option comforts me and I'm also glad I cut myself again. I know it's hard to understand why I'm doing this, but I don't think it an evil. I'll do anything that helps me to stop feeling what I feel now.

I'll consider your advice. Thank you again

//starrystarrynight

[Hope75]

While I admit I don't understand the psychology behind cutting yourself, some people who have done it describe it as a release from stress they are feeling. There are other ways to relieve stress without hurting yourself. Exercise, screaming into a pillow, masturbation, a creative outlet such as writing or drawing, creating a "happy place" that you can drive to and have some time alone to think..... surely there is another way.

 

I am not saying cutting yourself is "evil", but it is dangerous and not productive and isn't taking away the source of your stress. Wouldn't you agree?

[starrystarrynight]

I don't think it's dangerous. And I need and like the pain, so I can't just scream into a pillow or something. Still didn't figure anything out. I guess I'll just wait for a sign that tells me what to do. Usually something happens that makes it crystalclear which the right way is. Thanks for your suggestions and comforting...see you soon

[DN]

Avman had a suggestion once for someone who cuts which I believe was to squeeze cubes of ice in your hand. It hurts and gives you release but does not cause lasting damage.

[Hope75]

I don't think it's dangerous. And I need and like the pain, so I can't just scream into a pillow or something. Still didn't figure anything out. I guess I'll just wait for a sign that tells me what to do. Usually something happens that makes it crystalclear which the right way is. Thanks for your suggestions and comforting...see you soon

 

It's definitely dangerous. You are opening up your skin and welcoming infection each time you cut. You are also damaging your skin, fat and muscle layers, and if you cut deep enough, blood vessels. Some of that heals and other parts just form scar tissue. Not to mention for your psyche.

 

So maybe screaming into a pillow is not the answer. Have you sought therapy and are you in it now?

 

You do agree that cutting yourself is only a temporary measure and that it doesn't help the situation nor solve the problems that lead you to cut in the first place, don't you?