Am I being a fool?

[Confessoress]

So here I am again and I honestly wish I wasn't. I feel like I'm repeating myself over and over...

 

So I've been with my boyfriend 5 Months. He is 23 Brit Indian I am a 21 Brit Caucasian. It's long distance relationship, he lives about 8 hours away. I have spent 3 weeks with him in that 5 Months. Once we went to a special film premiere, once he came to my place for a week and a few weeks ago we went to Rome together.

 

The first 2 Months were great, we clicked in every single way. 3 Months in it was still great but I had realised on our second meeting within this time that I was falling in love with him. When he went home I told him on the phone I felt that way. He told me he didn't feel he was falling in love with me, he was good about it all really.

 

After that meeting I asked when we should meet again, but he wouldn't commit to anything because of money etc, but he said probably September.

 

So in August we we organized the trip to Rome in September for a week. It was a nice week, but I found it difficult because I was bursting to tell him I loved him but I didn't want to say it and put pressure on him. By the end of the week I was upset that he didn't really feel how I did.

 

So now we're back from Rome a few weeks on. He still hasn't told his family about us, because he says his family won't like me because I don't have a career and neither does he and if one of us doesn't they won't be happy, since we couldn't support each other. I told him how I felt about this and about not seeing each other often like every 3 Months and I felt we could manage more. He told me maybe we should take a break since it was upsetting me.

 

I thought about it and decided we should stay together and give it some time, he agreed that was the best idea.

 

Since Rome he doesn't text as much as he used too. He did say on the phone that we text too much and our phone bills are silly because of it, which is true I suppose. But now even online where he used to ask in the past if it was ok if he goes for a while (of course I'd say yes) now he just abruptly goes.

 

Earlier I brought up a few things that were concerning me about me and the relationship, I tried not to go on too much.

 

By the end I joked and said "I've bored you to death today, haven't I?" I wasn't expecting a yes but what I got was "Yeah". I was so shocked I said "Seriously? and he again replied "Yeah". Then he processed to say he was going to play some online games and would be back later. I was so upset and annoyed that he could be so insensitive that I just said "Ouch. I'm going." and logged off of the messenger.

 

I feel taken for granted, insecure, unimportant...

 

Am I being a doormat?

[Meow18]

I think he is taking you for granted.

 

He's not telling his family because he doesn't think they will like you? How mean is that? He should tell his family because you are his girlfriend. You aren't just a friend he sees every once in awhile. If he cares about you enough, he should be wanting to tell people about the wo of you, whether they approve or not. And who knows, maybe his family will like you. I think he's just saying all that as an excuse to not have to tell them.

 

And also, what a jerky thing to say that you are boring him. Of course he should be honest, but he could have been a little more sensitive about it. I'm sure he knew it would hurt your feelings, but he said it anyway, and stopped talking to you to play online games! Obviously he doesn't care about your feelings.

 

Your boyfriend wouldn't have suggested a break if he didn't want one. I think you should really consider a break. Maybe it will make him realize that he is taking you for granted.

 

Your relationship seems one sided to me. You are telling him how you feel, but he's not really saying anything to you. YOu are saying that you want to see him more and he says that you should take a break. I think you can do so much better. Find a guy who wants everyone in the world to know that he's got an awesome girl who he cares about. Find someone who won't care if you are "boring", he will just like to be with you anyway or talk to you. There is a guy out there like that, but you are stopping yourself from finding him by staying with your boyfriend.

[Shadows Light]

I agree with Maggie...this relationship sounds one sided. It shouldn't be this hard at this stage of the game.

 

He suggested a break..well, then he wants one. He's being passive/aggressive and letting the ball go into your court making you the scape-goat.

 

The text messaging... ok.. I can understand cost. You guys are young and don't have large disposable incomes.

 

The boredom. It happens. I'd give him points for honesty... lol. But he really hasn't made that much of an effort.

 

You are better off... taking him up on his suggestion of going your separate ways. Find someone who lives near by who you can have fun with... live a little. Distance is rarely a good thing.

[RayKay]

Hmmm.

 

I had a long distance relationship where he was 9 hours away, and we took turns seeing each other every weekend. And he was just as eager and determined to see me as I him, and just as forthcoming with his feelings.

 

Reading your story it just jumps out at me that you are far more interested in him and this relationship then he is in your or the relationship. Telling you that you bored him is pretty classless of him...even if you did ask, I think he could of just said he was not feeling talkative or something and left it at that..I don't know.

 

I don't know, he just gives every indication of not being that interested, or at least not to same level you are. I am sorry, but I really think you should let it go..someone who wants you would not suggest a break!

 

You deserve someone who definitely does NOT take you for granted, and makes you feel very important, and wants the WORLD to know about you!

[Ms Omaniac]

i totalllllly agree with the above. and i concur with Raykay....im currently in a long distance relationship and we both cant wait to see each other every weekend. this doesnt feel one-sided whatsoever.

 

if i would be getting the input that your current bf is giving you...then id cut him lose. ive been in a relationship before that was one-sided and that totally affected my self esteem.

 

ive also found out it takes less time to get another bf than it is to fix a damaged self-esteem issue. you should prioritize accordingly.

 

- ivy

[Confessoress]

Thank you all for your advice. Sometimes you just need to hear it straight. I've got some hard thinking to do. I know in my head you're all right...

[Wimpy]

I don't want to rain on your parade but I read your post and thought of myself. I'm 6 months into my break-up. If 6 months has given me one thing it's given me time to think and view things with some hindsight (man if someone could bottle that stuff they'd make a fortune! ). I accepted the lack of committment from my guy and I made myself believe it would all work out. I won't ever do that again. There are serious alarm bells ringing in your relationship and I hate to say it but they're aren't good.

 

Obviously no two people are the same and neither are any two situations.

 

I just realise that I sold myself VERY short by accepting less than the best from my ex. I wish I'd acted sooner and saved myself a SHED LOAD of heartache. 6 months and I'm still not over it - although I am trying to move forward

[Confessoress]

So an update. I hadn't contacted him since I logged of earlier in the day. He hadn't contacted me.

 

Then around 10pm tonight he called on his way back from work, as if nothing happened at all. I just chatted normally, I certainly didn't let him know he'd got to me.

 

I'm just going to let him get on with it. If he wants me he can damn well come after me. I'm not doing anymore.

 

I'll have my concrete answer then. Unless I do this though I'll never know for sure and would always wonder.

 

I'll cope whatever happens.

 

You're all great thank you for your advice. I'll update if anything happens.

[starrrr]

Hello, umm i dont know but i just want to point out that there must be something he really sees in you if he is still in this relationship though it is long distance (8 hrs. i think that's far!), u guys have been only together for 5 months!, AND u guys barely see each other...i dont think any guy would just put up with that sort of relationship.....unless they really see something there....how did u guys meet anyway? and how long have u guys known each other before hooking up?

 

And next i just really want to point out that you really need to be EXTRA CAREFUL with your INSECURITY, cause that could simply be a cause for him to break up with you...atleast that's what happened to me with my bf when he broke up with me 7 months ago..(now we're together again , and i'm definitely doing MUCH BETTER without my insecurities in the past, it was out of control...)

 

I guess it was sort of a self fullfilling prophecy that i had a problem with..i mean i literally worried that he didn't love me as much, and i guess that belief i had sort of played a causal role in bringing out what i feared into reality....after we broke up, he told me it was because of my insecurity...

 

Now i realize that overcoming that insecurity is a problem in itself....you won't ever get that security you want cuz u can't just go looking and asking for it (or they will be bothered and annoyed by it, trust me...) they have to give it freely....so anyway you either need to go ahead and decide for yourself to trust him and how he feels for you....trust that he truly does care for you, though it may not be the "love" like how u feel, but in the meantime i suggest working on urself to just become a better person in whatever aspect in ur life that needs improvement and give him more reasons to love you by showing ur true potential...and just be HAPPY because people like to be around Happy people and prolly fall more easily for them also..so do watever u need to do that makes u happy, and that happiness has to be somethin you can do for YOURSELF, not somethin someone else has to do or say or whatever..and everythin else should fall into place.....

[Confessoress]

Hi again Starrr Thank you for your different input, I think you read some of my other threads. I am a bit concerned I am only giving on side of the story. Truth is my boyfriend sends mixed signals all over the place.

 

Ok history of the relationship. I met him on the internet 5 years ago we both 16ish at the time, we were just net buddies and both had a thing for Michael Jackson (I know at the time and we'd make websites together and stuff. It was that simple. We had a year of not much contact, but we'd e-mail each other occasionally. Then when he was 18 he had his first girlfriend and I remember it all, he was head over heels for her. Then later after a period of non contact we got in touch again. His girlfriend ran off with his best friend and he was extremely depressed. We lost contact for a few years, I moved to the Philippines etc. Then in April of this year we got in contact again and really started talking. We clicked and for the first time we found out what we both looked like. There was an attraction there. We got more friendly, chatted on the phone then we agreed to go to a Star Wars thing together... it went from there and we've been together since.

 

His arms are scared all over... after his ex he did it. His family are Indian Sikh and she was white, yet he she lived for them for a while. They didn't like her (no career either) but made an effort anyway. Later he moved into a flat in her town with her, she didn't work. Then she did what she did... and he told me he could introduce me to his parents but after last time they would give me an even harder time and make our relationship difficult.

 

He has organized all our trips. And for Rome he took out a loan. But truth is I just wish his parents would accept me so I could visit him there. I can't afford to go up there and stay in hotels.

 

It's not as straight forward as it seems.

 

He's blunt and admits it. I'm overly sensitive... so obviously that's an issue.

 

I've explained my emotional issues and that I can push people away. And he said people come, people go. Then he said he's not going anywhere...

 

He said he's told me he cares, but I have to believe it. He wants to take it slow... and obviously I want more.

 

Pff it's just complicated.

[Confessoress]

Low and behold something must have worked after our conversation... he's going to try and come down to my place at the end of October.

[starrrr]

Hey jus wanted to say im happy for you! yay

 

Wish you the best!! Tell us how it goes..