My Ex-Girlfriend Won't Speak To Me

[harlequin45]

So here is the situation in a nutshell, I am unable to get over my exgirlfriend. I think about her all the time and it has been a year since we broke up. We went out together for two years and eight months. I can't come to terms with why we broke up because I am pissed off about it. And I don't understand why this crap has to be this way. I hurt every day. It is a prison of my own making, and I don't know how to get out of it. I just spent about an hour going through the internet searching for her name so that I could see if she is doing okay. I don't know where to start getting over this. I can't seem to shake it. I think I do and then I haven't. And when I am really lonely, I wish we were back together. I do stupid crap like sleep next to a stack of pillows thinking it was her. Remembering how it felt to hold her. Stuff like that. I don't know what I am going to do, but it hurts not being around her. How do I move on and let her go? And how to I face this reality that I am not willing to see?

[melrich]

There is no easy answer as to how to move on. Each person has to find their own way in their own time.

 

After a year though you have to really ask yourself what exactly you are holding on to. What is your view of her now? Is it realistic? Have you elevated this relationship to something it really wasn't?

 

It is possible the sort of obsession you are displaying and the stubborness of that obsession is what she felt stifled her in the first place.

 

So I think the first thing you have to do is get some perspective around this relationship and this girl. Try and look the at relationship as part of the greater pantheon of your life, it really will end up being a relatively minor bit player in that context.

[thefireisoutanyway]

I think the best way to move on is to completely break that person from your life. Meanwhile, you do other things, meet new people, etc.

 

When you are busy doing other things, there is less time for you to obsess over the whole thing.

 

It's been a year since my g/f dumped me. At first, we stayed "friends" and we'd txt each other, hang out, e-mail each other and whatever. But being that I never got over her, I guess she realized that she was leading me on, so she stopped doing things that were exclusive to just us and tried to do things as a group, since we had a group of common friends.

 

Well, things didn't work out too well, for me. Keeping in contact with her prevented me from moving on and gave me false hope.

 

When I realized this, I decided to completely cut her out of myself.

 

Although I can't say I am completely over her, I don't get depressed over her, I don't obsess over her anymore. Even when I found out she had been seeing someone for the past few months, it didn't phase me.

 

The point I'm trying to make is, that I didn't start to heal until she was completely out of my sight, out of my reach. So, it's up to you, if you want to do what I did. I have to say, I did sacrifice certain things to get to where I am now, but it was definitely worth it.

[Stari]

harlequin45,

 

Realise that this is not about your ex, it is about you being lonely. If you had a reasonably attractive woman in your bed, I doubt that you would rather be holding your pillows and I doubt that you would be on this forum asking for advice.

 

The solution to past loneliness was your ex. You still hope for the same solution (getting back with your ex), because you know it is a solution that worked in the past.

 

Men start to move on when they realise that life in limbo is worse than life with bimbo. Once they give the bimbo a chance, they might find that she is a keeper after all. Even though the new woman did not appear as worthy as your ex on first comparison.

 

Doing No Contact would help you. If you after seeking succeed in finding news about your ex, you will start all over again. Very few things are worth breaking No Contact for and news is not one of them.

 

To attract other people you must first forgive your ex. You cannot conceal your anger even if you try. When other people notice your anger, they will avoid you. Remember that your ex did her best during the circumstances.

 

But forgiving your ex will not be enough to attract other people; You must identify what are your power sources and do them. Power sources are the things that gives you an immediate pay off. That which you enjoy doing for their own sake.

 

Seeing the fruits of these actions will take time. Even so, can you imagine a better way to spend the time?

[dzadze]

Its been 1.5 month since I have been trying to move on. You know what, I went through the same things you mention.

 

Now my points of views are starting to changed about her. The person you and I are in love with, does not exist anymore.

 

My ex is a very nice, sweet girl with a cute smile, with alot of respect for herself and her friends. Time changes people, she has changed. The ex that I know does not like to expose herself to alcohol or cigarettes, and she has much respect for herself. .. I mean, i got her one of the best hair iron's out there on the market, and I got no response for , "i hate it, its no good, or "hey thanks"" .. .. The new person just parties and have fun exposing herself to all the things that the ex I am in love with wouldnt do ..

 

I think for you my friend, my ex recommended something good

"""dont cry for someone whois not gonna be there.""" She has changed, she's not the person you use to know anymore.

 

I'm at the point where I'm about to say ""'ok, thats it................."

 

Good luck to you.

DzaDze

[yo]

Hi harlequin45,

 

It's been nearly 2 months since my ex left me and I feel the exact same way as u feel. I really miss her...miss her smell, touch, smile, talks everything...But, I've come to realize something...

Time changes everything

This new person is not even my ex g/f of 4 1/2 yrs. I'd rather be ALONE than have this new person she's become.

 

There is nothing more we can do bro. We just have to accept what's happened and try to move on.

 

When I sit back and analyze, I realize that I miss her most when I'm alone. I feel so lonely and miserable that I just don't know how to come out of that shell. So, I'm trying really hard to keep myself busy coz I know if I sit idle I'll start missing her.

 

Keep busy. Meet new people. Enjoy life. Hope this helps. All the best.

[harlequin45]

I am revisiting this post...it is interesting to look back on relationships and feelings that I did have...that being said...I emailed her today. Not sure how I feel about that, but that's how it is.

[taosnake]

I am revisiting this post...it is interesting to look back on relationships and feelings that I did have...that being said...I emailed her today. Not sure how I feel about that, but that's how it is.

 

Are you saying that after almost two years you still are in the same place you where then if not worse?