3 months away from a long distance relationship

[beachieca]

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year and beginning in December, he'll be moving about 5 hours away to go back to school. (Just for a little background, he's currently in the military and getting out to go back to school...where we live now, there aren't many options and at the school he'll be attending, he's getting a scholarship through the military). We pretty much knew this was coming up about 3 or 4 months into our relationship so it's no big surprise, but I'm still dreading the day he leaves and we're no longer able to see each other as often as we'd like. I keep reading all kinds of depressing and discouraging things about long distance relationships, but I'm trying to stay positive about it. I think we'll be okay because we both want it to work and are rather serious about being together. I guess my question is this: Is there anything we can do beforehand to make it easier for when he leaves? For those of you in long distance relationships, how do you do it?! and how often do you have a chance to see each other? I know it's only 5 hours, which is actually not a big deal I guess, but it still isn't something I'm used to. Then, on the other hand, he grew up with a dad in the military, and like I said, he is also in the military, so he's used to having to move around a lot and maintaining long distance relationships. Any good advice or anything would be great. Thank you!

[lisica]

Hi,

 

I noticed that your post remained unanswered for a few days. That does not give you much hope w.r.t. long distance relationships, does it? I am in one myself and, as you already know, it is not easy. I miss so much having him close.

 

Here are some things you can do to make it easier:

 

- Before he leaves, promise each other that you will be very honest in your communications, and that you will not hide things from one another.

 

- Figure out all possible channels of communication. Maybe you can get a microphone and a webcam so you can talk and see each other over the internet. Even if you can not touch, being able to see each other in real time can give you the feeling of being closer. Similarly, hearing each other's voice can be more intimate than chatting.

 

- Agree in advance how much communication there will be. For instance, he might be very busy with school and not have a lot of time for chatting. If you talk about this before he leaves, once the school year starts, you will be less left with the feeling that he is not interested in you anymore because he found so many new things in his life.

 

- Set a date for the next time that you will be together, and stick to it. Now you have something concrete to look forward too! When he leaves, allow yourself to be sad for 5 minutes, but then tell yourself: "hey, it is already 5 minutes closer to the next time that he will hold me!"

 

- Send him little surprises to brighten up his day, because it is not easy for him too. For instance, I recently had a puzzle made out of a picture of us together (for about $12) and I will send it to him a few pieces at a time. He has no idea that that is coming, and he also does not know what is on the puzzle, so it will be a gradual discovery for him

 

- Have a teddy bear in your bed wearing one of his shirts.

 

- Get busy with a lot of other things. This is a perfect time to develop yourself schoolwise, careerwise, and to rekindle the relationships with your friends and family. Time goes by a lot faster when you have plenty of things to do!

 

I hope you can find something useful in the above. I would like to end with a phrase I learned on this forum (I do not remember the original words though): "Distance is to a relationship, like the wind is to a flame. It extinguishes the little and ignites the strong."

 

All the best,

lisica.

[redandblack]

I totally agree witht he above.

 

Laying out the parameters in which your LDR will operate is essential and reassuring. Promise eachother to always communicate your feelings, it's the best way to keep the closeness dispite the distance.

 

I found that the first week was pretty hard for me, but I got in touch with my friends again and started hanging out with them more often. I started school and are totally interested in my studies. I also have a few hobbies that I love.

 

However, above all this is TRUST. It's the most important thing. Before you leave you need to have a heart to heart talk with your boyfriend. Tell him that you trust him and that you want to kind of make agreements. My girlfriend and I decided that one-on-one hanging out with a "friend" is disrespectful and will only hard the LDR. However, as long as she is in a group with someone else, she can see whomever she wants. Same applies to me. However, I'm sure this won't apply to all relationships (I would feel extremely jealous if random guys were taking MY girlfriend on quasi-dates =/ ).

 

Establish trust and communication ethics before you leave and I believe you'll be fine. Try to visit your boyfriend every now and then. As many other posters have said in the past; the physical aspect of the relationship can't be ignored FOREVER. 5 hours is borderline 'really far', but I think seeing your boyfriend every few months (maybe take turns) shouldn't be unreasonable. Also, remember to make the time you spend together QUALITY!

 

If you need any help, I'm always around (those first few weeks can be difficult), take care!

[beachieca]

Those really sound like some great ideas and I had already had some of them in mind...the ones I didn't, I liked! I think about it almost every day and my heart just sinks I can't imagine us being away from each other. If I could afford it, we both think it would be nice for me to move down there as well (not living together though), but I just can not afford it. I keep hoping that he'll change his mind or something...ha ha only there's more to it than that, I know. Last night he stayed with me and it was so nice to wake up with him laying right beside me. That will still happen when he leaves, just not as often. I'm just so frustrated and sad and nervous about it all.