Confused by this girls intentions

[london_lad21]

Hello

 

Ok, i've had this friend online for almost 2yrs. We've always got on well and we both really liked eachother.

 

Over the past two weeks we have been getting on even better. We both said that we liked eachother alot and wanted to be with eachother. Its been great, been talking online, and each night we went to bed we would text until we both fell asleep. We said things like '*cuddles up to you* I wish that I was there now, to fall asleep in your arms x x x' and things like that.

 

So a few days ago I asked her straight out if we were forming a relationship together or not, I also said that if she wasnt really ready we could take things at her pace. She said 'but how can we?' So I explained that we could visit eachother, as we live about 200 miles apart (but as im moving in a few months time the distance will be reduced to about 1hr or so drive) She seemed to go abit quiet. As the past 3 days have gone by, she has spoken to me, but not as much as she has been. It's asthough she has distanced herself from me a fair bit. I said to her 'so you don't want me? if not, thats ok we can just be friends' and she said 'I do want you' Even the texts at bed time have been quite rare. I'd send her a text, she would reply, then I would reply, and then nothing. Last night I sent her a text, she didnt reply so about an hour later I sent one saying 'When I asked if you wanted to be with me, I just wanted a yes or no answer, I didn't expect you to go funny with me' She replied right away and just answered the questions from my first text to her.

 

I don't know where I stand. I was thinking of saying something like 'I have figured out that you don't want to be with me on a relationship basis, so being friends is fine' and see what reaction I get from her? If she doesnt really respond I will just call it a day.

 

I hope that you have some helpful advice for me.

[guapa]

I think you should go cold turkey. Let her feel what its like for you NOT to be pursuing her and for her to have a chance to miss you and think about what she wants.

 

Don't write her anymore. If she loves you and wants you, she'll figure it out and let you know.

[london_lad21]

Hey

 

Thanks for your reply. She hasnt even come online this evening and thats not like her at all. Shes usually on every night without fail.

 

I just sit here and think 'what did I do wrong?' Although I cannot come up with anything. Why has she gone like this all of a sudden?

[guapa]

seems like she is commitment phobic and got scared or something.

 

don't go online looking for her. let her come to you. you'll get some kind of response eventually. go do something else in the meantime; hang out with friends and things...

[london_lad21]

Hey

 

I will try my best. I just feel quite down and rejected at the moment. I mean, things were fine and then I asked her if we were in a relationship or not and its like she doesnt want to talk to me. Even if she had said something like 'no' I would prefer that than being in this situation.

 

I just don't get it. She always said 'love you' as she was going offline, always said sweet things in texts... and now it's like she can't stand me.

[airmcnair06]

While I agree with the "let her come to you" comments, I also think you should not have asked her directly. From the sounds of it, you all were already on the verge of being bf and gf. Alot of girls dont like to be asked about it, to just let it happen. I know a few girls who have told me it is kinda of childish to ask them like that, they say "it's just like giving her a note in skool with the checkboxes asking if she likes you, when you were in 5th grade". I agree with this somewhat, but you have to ask about it, maybe not directly though. With that said, I still think she believes she has you on a string and now knows she has you lovestruck by her, and eventhough you are, stop letting her know, she seems to not be the type who takes it and uses it, but more likely the kind to take advantage of it and keep u around bullshi*ting with your mind, eventhough she probably likes you just as much, she doesn't really let you know, cause you'll most likely start doing what she does. No offence meant, just being real here...

 

Hope this helps.

[london_lad21]

No offence taken. Yeah I can understand what you are saying. I didn't exactly ask her straight like 'are we g/f and b/f?' in a childish way, I just said to her that I know we've been getting on well and wondered if she saw this developing further, I also said i'd be willing to take it at her pace.

 

I only asked because I wanted to make sure I wasn't wasting my time really. I know that sounds harsh, but I have had g/f's before and im abit tired of being messed around. I just want a long lasting relationship basically and I was hoping that she was going to be able to give me that.

 

I kinda broke the advice given so far. I text her not long ago, only to say good night and let her know that i've got a hospital appointment tomorrow (she didnt know about that) but she hasnt replied... does this mean she doesn't care? Shes usually in bed at 10:30ish and we text for abit then, and I text her about 15 - 20mins ago and its only 10:40pm now.

 

I'll just see what happens from now on I guess.

 

Must addmit, feel like a huge idiot for asking her now, I mean if I hadnt done that, we would probably still be really happy now.

[airmcnair06]

While it was somewhat of a mistake asking her, it is still very strange that she is ignoring you and her activity and response to your texts are later or never. I cannot exactly say what it is, but I think the next step is to let her know you feel that since you asked her that, she has changed, and see where it goes from there, not through text, maybe a real fone call or in real life. And just because she didn't answer your text about the hospital does not maean she doesn't care, far from it, now if a week goes by and you dont hear from her whether it be on the fone or through text or in actuality, then there is a problem, like I said, then you will know she is taking advantage of the fact that you want her. But when she got that text, she could have been busy or too sleepy yo answer, it happens to me alot, not text messages(no cell fone, lol), but as far as emails, sumone will send me an email or pm on another forum and I just dont feel like answering at that time and just start it or close that tab and respond later...

 

But yea, I think you need to talk to her about how stuff has changed since you asked her about it, if this goes well, it should make you all even closer, as far as being able to discuss things that happens between the two of you rather than telling your friends how you feel and not her, the person that really matters. Me and my friend argue a lot, but it makes us closer each time, we are very close, and believe it or not, it came from arguing and letting each other know what to do and what not to do. This relates to you and her also....

 

Good luck and keep me updated

[london_lad21]

Hey

 

Thanks for the reply. We spoke this evening and she said that she didn't see how it would work. So thats it, we're just friends. Although I am grateful to be friends with her I am quite heart broken at the moment. I think the most painful thing is to reflect back to a week ago, she was sending me texts saying 'I won't hurt you, I promise *cuddles* x x x' and now shes saying that she would like to be with me but don't see how it would work.

 

I'm sure her intentions were good, but I just feel so used now

[airmcnair06]

Well, just because she doesnt see how it would work doesnt mean a damn thing, to be honest. Of course you dont see how it would work, because you've never been in a relationship with that person, you are taking a chance when you get into a relationship each time, just let her know it would be like a week ago but better... I can relate, same girl I mentioned above told me that. I told her so the hell what and then made her realize that just because she doesnt see how it would work, that doesnt make sense, it is just a weak excuse as to how she really feels man. I believe there is sumthing she is not telling you as to why she doesnt really wnat to get with you, and she is holding back from hurting your feelings even more. Anyway, that's all I can say, I'm watching this thread, anything happens let me know man...

 

Again, good luck and keep me updated

[london_lad21]

I believe there is sumthing she is not telling you as to why she doesnt really wnat to get with you, and she is holding back from hurting your feelings even more.

 

What do you mean by that? Nothings really changed in the respect that shes always online from the moment she gets in from college, like normal, and even when she went offline this evening she said we can text. I just don't understand.

 

Do you think I should give up or what?

[airmcnair06]

how old r u all?

 

And by the comment I said in the other psot, I meant exactly that, to be frank. I believe there may be another reason she is not wanting this relationship and she doesnt want to hurt you, more than she already has by telling you, maybe it's another guy or something she thinks about you and doesn't like, I am not sure. But just bcuz she tells you this is the reason, does that mean you should believe her?, no. Just like she said she wouldn't hurt you and hinted at being a relationship and went behind her word a weeka ago....

 

Keep me posted

[Bethany]

I also think theres something she's not telling you. Why else would you back off from a guy you are serious about and have talked to for 2 years. Me, I wouldn't waste my time finding out. She's been playing a fantasy game with you for long enough.

I'd stay friends but actively seek out a new gf as soon as possible, you've waited long enough for her and she is not coming.

Nothing like someone new to put that smile back on your face and forget the pain in your heart.

[london_lad21]

Hey!

 

Sorry for my delay in replying I have been having computer problems.

 

I have finally worked through things with her and we have decided to pursue a relationship together. We talk everyday and we are very happy. She has been trying to be more open recently (about how she feels and stuff) and things are developing nicely. I guess it was worth the persistance afterall.

 

Thank you for the advice that you have given me recently. It has helped alot.