Void

[LonelyLovelessLost]

I recently lost my mother to cancer. She was 58 years old. I was able to visit her a week before she passed. We knew she wasn't doing well. So, I flew up to see her for my birthday. I was able to hug her.. talk to her.. celebrate my birthday with her. I was there for a week.

 

My mother and I were VERY close, even though I have lived FAR away since I was 17. We would talk on the phone EVERY day. Any little thing in my life, I shared with her. Any little issue I asked for her advice.

 

Dad and I were never close. Never on the same page. He didn't understand me.. and never really tried to make an effort. Until now.

 

There is SOO much that I need help with.. advice.. things to share. And now I feel completely lost.

 

I'm lost... I'm lonely... I am loveless... and I need help..

[nexus532]

well, it seems you have had a rough road behind you, but your not putting that road behind you. TO me, it looks like you traviling a familier road, and along this road you haven't found your nitch/home. You need to get yourself off this depression road. Do things you normally don't do; join a fitness club, do some voluntering ect. Yes you lost someone very important to you, and there was knowone to fill that gap your mom filled. Maybe you should take this time to try and connect with your father,or perhaps some siblings or old friends. i hope you can overcome where so many other people have fallen amongst the depression, be strong and pave your own way.

[BellaDonna]

I am sorry to hear about your loss. It sounds like your mother was a major source of strength and support for you throughout your life. It is going to take some time for you to feel "ok" again.

 

One of my best friends lost her mother to lung cancer 3 years ago. Like you, she was very close with her mother, and not with her father. In the beginning, she was totally devastated and couldn't function after her mother died. She did get better with time though. However, you will find that as young woman there will be certain milestones when the pain will return again. For my friend- it's hardest on the anniversary of her death, her mom's birthday, the holidays. My friend got very upset at my wedding because she was a bridesmaid and her mother wasn't there to see her. It also reminded of her of how her own wedding will be without her mom.

 

My best advice would be- when you get these feelings, allow yourself to truly FEEL them...don't try to hide them or be "tough". Let yourself grieve her loss whenever you need to- but keep in mind that your mother loved you very much and would not want you to feel upset. Remember the good times (it sounds like there were many)- and all the life lessons she taught you that are still alive.

 

Dad and I were never close. Never on the same page. He didn't understand me.. and never really tried to make an effort. Until now.

 

You may want to form a stronger relationship with your father. He might surprise you. Sometimes circumstnaces like this can bring people closer together. The relationship with your mother will never be forgotten or replaced- but your sense of lonliness might be eased if you let your father further into your life. I'm not sure if your parents were still together when your mother passed, but it sounds like they may have been from your post. If that's the case, keep in mind your dad is likely feeling the same level of loss and feeling pretty lonely too. Either way, I think your mother would have wanted you 2 to be closer.

 

BellaDonna

[RayKay]

Hey sweetie,

 

I know you are going through a very rough time right now. And the person you want most around is no longer there physically for you - but trust she is still there, she always will be. As long as you hold her in your heart, she will always be there.

 

I know this is little consolation, but it is wonderful you did get the chance to see her before she passed away - I know you wish it was more, but be grateful for having that opportunity too, and know that she loved you very much...

 

Your life is rather crazy now, and it has been a LOT of change in the last few months - that in itself, without your mom's death, is traumatic enough in many ways...and when she is not there for you to talk to about it, it is only compounding it all. I think too, you are not sure if you are making the right decisions right now, or in the right place. Search your heart, it's okay to admit a mistake if you feel you have made one, sometimes things cannot be corrected, but they can get better.

 

Is your dad now trying to make an effort then to get to know you better? I hope you can try and let him in, I know it's different, but he probably feels quite lost right now too, and both of you are now the closest thing to your mom you have...sometimes out of pain, comes great things, and getting closer to your dad just may be that great thing. Reach out to him, it does not have to be the best relationship ever at first, just take little steps. Call him and see how he is doing regularly. Call him and ask for advice. I know at first it won't feel NORMAL, but in time, you might be surprised.

 

(((HUGS))) sweetie, you will be alright.