Is my friend gay?

[cc2]

My friend who i have known for my whole life(28 years) i think is a lesbian. I am going to give incidents and let me know what you think. It all happened about a year ago. We were out having a good time at a club when she kissed my married sister on the lips it wasn't a peck it was a 'KISS'. One night coming home from a night out she reached for my hand and held it with her fingers intertwined like you would with a partner. A few weeks ago she grabbed my (female) friends butt with her two hands and starting squeezing and feeling it, she also ran her open hand accross my belly and then onto my butt. She has never had a relationship with a man, she kisses men but thats about it, she lost her virginity to a stranger because she wanted to get it over and done with. I don't know maybe i am reading too much into it. Can you offer some advice?

[sharkbait]

It sounds as though she is quite confused herself and may be trying to find out the answer to the same question by experimenting

[frigginexes]

yeah, she's gay

[lauriecat]

wow, frigginexes, how could you say that with such certainty?

 

she could have been joking around, if she was gay and knew your sister was married i dont know if she would exploit herself in that way if she isn't out of the closet. i don't know, nobody could say for sure if she is or isn't except herself. maybe she is confused, maybe she's a lesbian, maybe she's just having fun.

[Cadence308]

Your friend sounds like she may be a lesbian and may not be out of the closet to herself, but you never know. Twenty-eight years old and never had a relationship with a man is a strong indicator as to preferences for relationships. The other stuff may or may not be gay, but I think the never having had an intimate relationship with a man before is the deal maker.

 

Does her behavior bother you? If so, you should talk to her about it, as it's really not appropriate going around kissing someone intimately who is married to someone else or grabbing people's private areas to cop a feel.

[UT]

No matter if she's gay or confused let her know that no matter what you'll be there for her. (If that is the case)

 

I can't say much. What is your attitude towards gay and lesbians?

Is her playing around disturbing you?

How did you feel about her touching you?

(Crucial questions. I hope you'll answer them. If you don't, that's understandable too.)

[cc2]

Update On My Friend Being A Lesbian

 

I was out with her last night and she annouces she is seeing a guy, with the past two weeks. But what has me confused, is that, for the past two years since he moved to our area he showed he was interested in her and asked her out. But she always turned him down and made no bones about that she didn't like him. She said he was stalking her at one stage. And now she turns around two years later and is dating him. I don't know what to say to this. I am trying to be happy for her and would be thrilled if this is what will make her happy, but i just think it is very weird, to be so adament about not liking someone and then go out with them.

 

In answer to all the questions, I myself am straight and married. I have never brought up the topic with my friend about my suspicions of her sexuality. The last thing i want to do is hurt her.

[Cadence308]

I don't think that you should ask your friend if she is gay or voice your suspicions. I think that would only make your friend defensive and there is the strong possibility that your friend is not out to herself. She sounds like me before I realized how strongly I connect and am attracted to women. My parents have been asking me for 9 years if I'm a lesbian or gay and I really thought that I wasn't and that I wanted to be with a man. I dated men, but I just never became involved.

 

The key to your friend coming out to herself if she is gay is having a strong attraction to another woman that makes her want to be more than just friends.

 

I think that you should casually bring up something about gay people to your friend and just strike up a conversation about it, asking her her perspectives on the issues, etc. Then I would just say something like how hard you think it would be for someone to be gay and that you would be entirely supportive if you found out a family member or friend were gay. This way, if she is gay and realizes it, then she knows that she can talk to you about it, without you asking her and her getting defensive.

 

There is a good chance that she is dating this guy because she thinks it's the thing to do. It sounds like a lot of the people that the two of you hang out with are married and she's probably feeling like she doesn't fit in and this is an effort on her part to date men. Of course, I could be wrong and there is always the chance that she really is straight.

[cc2]

Hi, Its me again, but this time i am in a pissed off state. Tonight i was out with my friend who i think is a lesbian and another female friend. But what i really didn't like tonight was that she was all over the two of us, touching and feeling which was quite inappropriate. I mean if a man did this i wouldn't stand for it so why should i when my friend is groping and touching me and my friend in this manner. It is simply not good enough. How do i tell her that it makes me uncomfortabe. To me it is an evasion of privacy, after all it is my body.

 

Please help, thank you.

Always

CC2

[UT]

By telling her what you feel. Ask here whether she's gay or straight and tell her that you feel uncomfortable what she's touching and groping you.