My boyfriend hangs out with gay men plase heelp

[babe1914]

thanks a lot of all these replies, i am taking everyones opinion to heart.

[jimboi]

ur boyf sounds like a friend of mine, very similar situations although we have had lots of drunken rants about it.

i am not 100% convinced he is straight either. i think previous posters are right in saying keep an eye on him but forcing the issue wont do anything, it'll just make him more secretive, if theres one thing i rememeber about being in the closet is he wont come out till he finds the key himself, and someone dragging him out wont work.

just put the issue to one side till u get the facts or he tells u something.

 

 

but i wouldnt rush into marriage just yet.......

[MORTGAGEBOY79]

Hello,

 

I'm a gay male myself and have a very close straight guy friend. He has been married for 9 years and has 3 kids. We go shopping together and I have helped him pick out clothes in the past. There is no sexual anything about our relationship. He sometimes jokes with his wife and refers to me as his "boyfriend". She just laughs because she knows her husband is straight. We have shared hotel rooms on business trips and gone camping together and fishing...etc. He even goes to gay bars with me and other gay functions and acts like my "date".

 

It is possible for 2 men (whatever the sexual orientation is) to have a totally plutonic relationship. We are like brothers more than anything else.

 

I think that you are "reading" way too much into this. Most straight males that are comfortable with gay men are STRAIGHT. They are comfortable and certain with their own sexuality that the gay thing doesnt bother them. It's the real homophoblic guys that you need to wonder about...they have something to hide and are trying to prove something to everyone.

[novaseeker]

Well, first off, homosexuals in the closet don't want to be in the closet but are there because being gay is still very taboo. Gay people can be in a relationship with someone of the other sex. It's not the he or she wants to hurt the individual it's because he or she doesn't know it yet.

 

It depends to a certain degree on age and self-awareness, but yes, there are a lot of folks who don't know what their real sexuality is. Maybe they're somewhat confused or whatever, and some of these guys find their way into relationships with women (because they are attracted to women), and then they think that their sexuality is "squared away" and straight ... but that may not be the case. Yes, this is tragic and painful for the woman involved, but it's folly to assume that it is premeditated by the man. If it is, then shame on him, but if it's the case that he simply thinks "hey, I guess I really like girls, this girl is great", and then later discovers that his sexuality is otherwise, it's tragic but to blame him is really unfair in my opinion. He didn't do anything deliberately.

 

The real culprit in that situation is the social environment that makes it so hard to admit to being bi or gay (parents, churches, peer group, culture at large, etc.), that it really encourages some folks to bury their feelings in this area, even unconsciously. They may have done it at a youngish age and in an indirect way and thereforeeee never really considered themselves gay or bi ... but the orientation may still be there, underneath things, and at some point it will come out, all gyrations to the contrary notwithstanding. So yes, it is tragic, but demonizing folks unless they are acting deliberately deceitful is the same as making it all about you, to be honest.

[SarCareBear]

congrats, you are being a very attentive and loving girlfriend to analyze the situation so carefully. to everyone who thinks she's overreacting and is being really sarcastic about it - eh, that's just mean. i don't have much to add - just keep observing. you know what people act like when they have a crush, right, so just keep watching for signs. i agree that chances are he is NOT trying to string you along - he genuinely loves you as a person and is obviously still awakening to his sexuality, but unfortunately gay is gay and that may be who he is.