Talking to my ex...

[guapa]

My ex and I had a firey break up. Haven't been talking in a long while, maybe a few weeks, except for one argument we had on the phone (about the break up).

 

We've been emailing, though.

 

He called me, seemed like he wanted to ask me to do something with him, but wouldn't ask. He called again, wouldn't ask. Called again and wanted to talk about the break up and how we aren't compatible. Called again and told me about a concert on Saturday. Called again and left a message asking me to go for dinner.

 

I don't know what to think. Surely he just wants to be friends, but it brings up lots of sexual feelings for me. Just as he pointed out on the phone we were really sexually compatible. And it caused me to have all these fantasies about him last night, that it was practically painful. I know we don't work, but it's mostly because he is very intolerant of our differences. I know he is going to call again and ask me to hang out with him, just a matter of time....

 

What do I do? All this brings up feelings again.

[SteveNaive]

Hello guapa!

 

Sorry to hear about your break up. I do quite understand your situation as I have been through something similar at my last break up, although I now am completely over it and can look back without bad feelings.

 

Generally I would like to say that talking or emailing is not a bad thing after a break up, as it can help to resolve undisputed issues you have...and eventually it may even lead to some sort of friendship, or at least inner peace. However, from what you write it really does sound like he wanted to do something with you...especially seeing as the two of you do work together so well sexually. In that case I would think it'd be most sensible to cut down contact to a level which is comfortable to you, i.e. that does not make you dream of him and does not bring up those feelings.

 

I remember how much trouble I had with getting away from my ex. She had broken up with me, but still we would spent a lot of time together and well...I guess you can imagine. The point is it was nice for the moment but after each single time I felt worse about the break up (and so did she). It just was a constant reminder of what I was all missing.

 

What it all boils down to, I guess, is that you only should do what you are comfortable with. If his phone calls remind you of him and bring up those feelings again, you should try to avoid those. Either by telling him how they make you feel, or by simply not answering.

 

Hope I could help?! Wish you all the best.

[lunatic]

I have some simple and quick advice!

 

You should never do anything that your not comfortable doing. If talking to him is making you sad then dont talk to him for a while. Evereyone deserves time to heal especially when the break was hard. Breakups are always harder for one person than the other. Stinks I know and i have been there way too often in my life.

 

I would start no contact with him ASAP! Tell him that a friendship is not an option at this TIME! Period!!!

 

Never ever do something that hurts you. It just points to the fact your not ready for that type of contact with him.

[Demond34]

Was the breakup something you wanted or was it his doing, or both?

 

If hes calling to hang out, does he show any signs of reconcilliation, or is it that he just wants to be friends? If its friends that you dont want, back away until you can get over him and view him as a friend. You have to do whats best for you, right now, and cut off the chance of being strung along and getting hurt more.

 

Talk to him and see what exactly he wants and if you don't feel comfortable with the answer, then remove yourself from the situation.

[venus777]