I am dating my ex and feel weird

[dontknowwhattodo]

You guys may remember my story that I have been seeing my ex for quite some time now (he dumped me and later wanted to date again after 5 months break). We have been talking a lot (about general stuff not about relationship). I have been giving him partial attention since we started dating the second round, i.e., I don't sit around to see if he wants to hang out on the weekends or whether or not he will call. I usually go do something with friends but if he initiates anything, I will follow along nicely.

 

Lately he has been really nice, takes me places, tries to please me and all the good things. He also shares his thoughts, what is going on in his life, what he will do, what friends he hangs out with, and nowadays he also lets me know in advance (and gives reason) if he cannot hang out with me in any particular weekend. All these things are nice but last time I hung out with him, I had a weird feeling afterwards. I partly feel like I don't want him anymore. I think the reason being that we now date again but there is no commitment involved. Even though I get ton of attention from him without having to ask for, I feel like something is missing. Is this normal that I feel this way? What should I do?

[disEnchantid]

Hi!

 

I was in a similar situation, dated an ex after an 8 month break, and it fell apart after 7 months. When you date an ex, there is a lot of emotional stuff that starts to seep in after the initial "yay we're back together" phase diminishes. Most importantly, on the part of the dumpee (at least in my case), there is resentment that they were broken up with in the first place, and that can intrude on the relationship in unexpected ways. Your clear ambivalence towards whether you want to hang out with him or not may be stemming from your unresolved feelings about what happened the first time around. I think it is very normal what you are feeling, and it is probably suggesting that you should not pursue anything long-term with him. Regaining his interest may be what you needed to get over him (as strange as that sounds, it does happen, it gives you back the control you were lacking when you were dumped that is necessary for you to feel as though you were an active player in the ending of the relationship)

 

My advice would be to cut down the amount of time you spend with him, and start pursuing other guys. If you are disinterested now, it really does not bode well for the future of the relationship.

[JynX]

Did you want to date him again after the break? What were your reasons for going back to him?

 

Answering those questions might help you. Sometimes after a couple breaks up, too much damage is done and things can never go back to how they were. Thus the "weird" feeling.

 

Maybe whatever you had for him faded in the time of the break. What was the reason for the break? Emotions are tricky things. Once you lose them, they're hard to get back. This might be telling you that you're ready to move onto someone else. To me it just doesnt sound like you're all that excited to be with him. Maybe you should talk to him about this, see his side of things.

 

Other than that, all I can really tell you is if you're not happy with him, why prolong it? So figure out if he makes you happy or not, and go from there. PM me if you want to talk...good luck!

[dontknowwhattodo]

Thanks, disEnchantid.

 

It is not that I lose all the interest but it is the feeling that he should be able to split the love word these days, if not any major commitment. We have known each other for 1.5 years and dated for more than a year. He never says I love you or any close to that (he only said "I like you tremendously, "I really like you"), though our attractions to each other are always at the extreme level. Last time he talked about what name he would give to his son if he had one in the future, I just noded along as I couldn't figure out what he was trying to get out of the conversation. I guess giving the amount of time we got involved, I, at least, need to hear that 4 letters word but haven't heard any.

[dontknowwhattodo]

Hi Jynx

 

Well, I actually wanted to date him the second round too (becasue I am still in love with him), it was a mutual thing. It may be as disEnchntid said that I resented him for what happened and the yay get back together phase was already gone. He wanted to break citing that we had problem communicating and that he wanted to date others though he thought I was close to be the one. We still get excited and look forward to our meeting as it has always been. Perhaps, I just want to hear the I love you from him.

[goddess23]

O WOWWW what a similar situation to mine. we dated for A LONG TIME and then broke up (he was the one who wanted to but i sort of initiated it) and 5 months later he wanted me back. and something was missssing. he told me he loved me the day we got back together and then never again because i never said it back...blah blha blha. basically exes and getting back together is tricky. but the whole officialness is difficult to really know because its like you've been down that road already so what happens now?? really i think you should just straight up say it. okay this is the way i did it: to find out if there was commitment: i was like "you know i know me and you have been dealing and whatever but like i dont want to find out that you end up randomly with some girl and then tell me it wasnt official lol. and hes like i would never do that and ofcoures i consider you my gf i tell everyone that". okay so mine went well lol but basically just randomly calmly bring it up....as a joke see what his reaction is. you can then play it off and decide what you want.

[megand84]

I too know that weird feeling. My ex and I were together for 5 years and broke up about a year and a half ago. The trouble is we are still seeing each other and even having sex. Although it is a great feeling to be back together with him, we are not back together. occasionally, we both date other people. (We don't have sex with anyone else though.) I am still at his house all the time and our families both think that we made up or something, but it feels different (weird). We don't say I Love You, but I know that we still do. The reason we broke up in the first place stemmed from his phobia of commitment, because I was the only real girlfriend he'd ever had. So he wanted to date other people to see what was out there. I was ok with this, because I was positive he would realize after seeing others that we were meant to be together. Now, even though we are sort of together I am not content because I do not think he got those old feelings out of his system yet, and only when he does is when I want to be with him again. This is why we are dating others, but it doesn't happen that often and it is very stressful during that time (for me at least). I guess what I'm trying to say is, figure out the reason you broke up in the first place and ask yourself if it is resolved now? If not it may take more time or maybe you should just move on. (The second is much harder, I know.) I think you can feel in your heart if this person is the one for you, it's just a matter of finding out why they don't see it that way. I hope this helps. You are definitely not alone!