Break up ... Please Help

[liambilson]

Cindy, don't stop crying - it's good for you to express your emotions and shows you are a beautiful normal human being! I'm going through exactly the same thing and yes the pain is unbearable. I know you are clinging to hope and don't know what to do for the best and nobody but yourself can actually help you. One day you will make up smiling, believe me. Have a look at some tips to deal with it on link removed. Keep fighting !

[Cindy11]

Well tomorrow it will be a month since my boyfriend and I broke up and three weeks of NC. What a killer! I am sad and I am very lonely. I keep wondering if my ex is going to call me. I've been trying to keep busy but doesn't help much. I even tried the on-line dating thing for the first time and met one guy last Saturday night at Starbucks. There was major chemistry on both parts. We both were very honest. He knows my situation and he's obviously fine with it. He couldn't understand why I didn't have a boyfriend and so I wanted to be honest with him. We had coffee and both decided to go out afterwards. We went to an intimate bar. We spent about 5 hours together. For some reason, we were like magnets. We were both very physically attracted to each other but knew we really couldn't do much about it. Anyways, he called me on Sunday and invited me over for dinner on Tuesday ... I accepted. He wanted to cook for me.

 

The thing is I am very attracted to this guy which I find it amazing because I am still in love with my ex and want him back so bad. Are my feelings wrong? Should I hold off and wait before I start dating. I read in here about how everyone advises other people to go out even on dates. I have to admit, I feel like I am cheating. Is this normal?

 

My friends keep telling me that the day I move on is the day my ex is going to contact me. If and when that happens, they told me that I should be prepared. I wish I could just forget him. I know I have so much to offer but I also know that I am offering it to the wrong man that can't give me what I want in life. It's not like I'm asking for the world.

[Painting_MonaLisa]

Cindy,

You should let this guy cook you dinner. If nothing else maybe he will be a new friend. But sometimes when someone is nice and caring to us.....well even if the ex calls, you just might be surprized that your feelings are not quite as strong. You may realize there are nice people out there that want to be with you. So give it a chance...............keep us posted!! I am rooting for you girlfriend!![/b]

[Cindy11]

Going on four weeks of NC

 

I had dinner at this guy's house. He made dinner for me, which I thought it was sweet of him, but it was also too soon. I would have rather gone out than have him cook dinner for me. He had candles lit all around the house. It wasn't very uncomfortable. I realized that he wanted to be a romantic dinner but it was too much.

 

Anyways, the dinner was ok and realized that we really didn't have much in common. Oh, and of course, I kept on comparing him to my ex. I'm sitting there thinking in my head, "my ex would do this different, my ex would act different, my ex wouldn't do this or that, etc."

 

After dinner, we watched a movie and I was so emotionally drained that I told him that I was tired and that I should go home. He was ok with it and he asked me if I wanted to do something on Saturday night. I told him that I did not know. He said to let him know if I wanted to do something.

 

The next day, I sent him an email thanking him for dinner and that was it. For some reason chemistery vanished. Obviously that's because I'm not over my ex. All I did was cry and cry. I couldn't stand what was happening or how I was feeling. I felt like the date set me back.

 

A friend of mine called me today and asked if I would be interested in meeting this great guy blah blah. I said hey, why not. So tomorrow morning I'm having coffee with him. We'll see. I feel like I have to force myself to go out and do things. I do get asked alot to go on dates but I turn them down. I feel like I'm just not ready.

 

I hate my ex for he's done!

[FCTex]

I can relate Cindy..

 

I have this girl, who knows of my situation.. And her and I started hanging out alot.. And going off and doing things. I even stayed the night with her, but didnt do anything with her. I still always think of my ex with her. I compare her. I was fine at first.. even with contact from my ex at the same time.. However, I feel like I have NOTHING in common with this girl. I'm not even attracted to her at all. I feel guilty that I'm somewhat leading this girl on. But she's also gone way to fast and overboard. She's really into me, and I think the chase is over, I could have this girl, hooked and done when I want. It's not fun, it's not attractive. I even had a talk with her, about how I'm still not over my ex, and that if we do anything I want to be friends, and just see how it all goes, and see what happens.. She was open to that, and has backed off a little. Who cares what happens, I sure don't.

 

But then I had an ephiphany.. This girl I'm seeing.. She's put so much out there.. and really chased me. I've been playing it cool, and to be honest, mysterious and backed off, because I'm NOT intrested that much. It comes and goes, and I can see something coming of us, but I dont want it. She just keeps coming, she is always there, I dont have to wonder, I dont have to work. She's there at a call..

 

I'm being her.. to my ex. I'm always there. I'm always just a call, a drive. I'm putting myself up there, when I'm getting little to nothing in return. I'm calling and calling, and texting like crazy, and I'm not getting the responses I'm getting back. It's unattractive, and it's not the way to get someone back or land a new mate..

 

Cindy, Don't feel guilty for going out. I did at first. I'm coming up on a week or so, shy of 2 months since the break up. Oct 6th.. But I havent gone out as much as on dates as I have in groups.. Go out, don't be guilty, it's fine to go out.. Your not cheating, because your not with anyone... It's okay to feel like your pushing yourself to go out. To feel like it's fake. Because by doing so, your letting go ever so little, and your doing it. Your going out, your putting yourself in the way to get over things. It makes you feel better, even if your putting on..

 

I don't want to date right now. I dont want a girlfriend, unless it's my ex, and unless she's ready to honestly, sincerely try again. Until then. No ma'am. Nothing for me. I'm broken right now, and I can't be for someone, if I can't be 100% for myself.

 

Hang in there sweetie.. Your not alone.

[Cindy11]

It's been 31 days with NC. I've had my ups and downs. The longer we don't talk, the better it is. It made me realize that my ex has major issues that are impossible to work out. Even if he met someone else, he will have the same issues. It would take years of counselling.

 

Yesterday, I went on a blind date. A friend of mine has been wanting me to go out with this guy for about 1 1/2 years ago and, of course, I said no because I was with my ex at the time. He was so frustrated with me because he knew I was not very happy and new that this guy is everything I was looking for and vice versa. He has told him so much about me in the last three years but no chance of getting together because both of our situations.

 

I met him for coffee in the morning and I could not believe it. Major chemistry and major connection. It's like we knew each other for a very very long time. We only met for 45 minutes and he wanted to see me last night as well. Of course, I said yes. We went to dinner and a movie and it was unbelievable. I did not think about my ex once. He is very sincere, nurturing, caring, successful, smart man with a Harvard degree. I feel like I'm Cinderlla. I spent the night at his house in the same bed cuddling and talking all night long and that was it ... no sex. We only got 2 hours of sleep. When I woke up this morning, we had breaksfast in bed that he made. This is too good to be true.

 

I am a big believer in THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON and always have been. For those of you that are still heart broken, remember that your breakup happened for a reason. There is a MUCH BETTER person out there for you. I am not saying that I am over my ex and I am sure that there will be times when I will still be sad ... I'm ok and I will get through this on my own.

 

He wants to see me again tonight. It all sounds great but I have my guard up and he knows it. Will I see him? Absolutely! I am not going to stay home and think about my ex. I need to move on with my life.

 

I hope you all can come to that point where you realize that your breakup happened for a reason and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You just have to believe it and everything will follow.

 

The ex will call and I will completely ignore him and that makes me feel so good.

 

Good luck everyone and stay strong. I will keep you posted.

[Freda]

Good luck Cindy - thanks for all the positivity, i really need some right now xxx

[Cindy11]

Let's see .... it's been five weeks of NC for me. Today, I am going on a cruise for a week and I am getting pretty excited.

 

I haven't been really thinking about my ex in that last 2 weeks. I realize on a daily basis that he's not the one for me ... he's certainly not my "soulemate".

 

I've been reading most of the posts and wanted to tell you guys that it will absolutely get better. You just have to give it time. I've been dating here and there and it's been good. There is a guy that I told you about in my last posting ... he's crazy about me. But I know I don't feel the same way as he does, at least not now. As they say, don't put your eggs in one basket. Well, I'm not going to jump into another relationship right now because I am really enjoying the single life.

 

You guys just have to get out there and start going out with friends or even date once in a while. Believe me, you will realize that your ex is not worth it.

 

Take care and I will be back on the 10th.

[NewPhillyGuy]

Hey, Cindy.

 

Thanks for the words of wisdom. Enjoy the cruise!

[DamagedGoods]

Cindy,

 

I was so inspired by your story. I need and update!!!!!!!!!!!

 

DamagedGoods

[Cindy11]

Hi everyone,

 

I hope everyone is doing good and hanging in there. I'm back from the best vacation I have ever had. It was unbelievably fun. I had a wonderful week but it went by pretty fast. On the first day, I met a guy who is totally crazy about me. We spent everyday together. No sex. He's a wonderful man that lives not too far away from me. I explained to him that I'm not interested in getting serious because of my breakup and he is aware that I'm seeing someone already. He totally understood and supports my decisions.

 

The point is that I have let go of my ex and I thank god everyday that I am where I am today. I keep saying to myself "what was I thinking". I realized that there was so much that was wrong with my previous relationship. I also realized that I, too, have made mistakes and if I were to ever talk to him, I will take full responsibility and apologize to him. I certainly do not want to go back to him. I just think it's the right thing to do.

 

Thanks for all of your support and I look forward to reading the posts. I will keep you posted.